"Oh, yeah. Sorry. I'm fine, just a little distracted."
"We should get back. It's getting late," Stevie Rae said.
"Okay. You're right," I said, and got up, still holding Nala. But I couldn't make my feet follow them as they started to head back to the dorms.
"Zoey?"
Damien, the first to notice my hesitation, stopped and called back to me, and then my other friends stopped, looking at me with expressions that ranged from worried to confused.
"Uh, why don't you guys go ahead? I'm going to stay out here for just a little while longer."
"We could stay with you and—" Damien began, but Stevie Rae (bless her little bumpkin heart) interrupted him.
"Zoey needs to do some thinkin' on her own. Wouldn't you if you just found out you were the only fledgling in known history to have an affinity for all five elements?"
"I suppose," Damien said reluctantly.
"But don't forget that it'll be getting light soon," Erin said.
I smiled reassuringly at them. "I won't. I'll be back at the dorm soon."
"I'll make a sandwich for you and try to scare up some chips to go with your brown non-diet pop. It's important that a High Priestess eats after she performs a ritual," Stevie Rae said with a smile and a wave as she pulled the rest of the four along with her.
I called thanks to Stevie Rae as they disappeared into the darkness. Then I walked over to the tree and sat down, resting my back against its thick trunk. I closed my eyes and petted Nala. Her purr was normal and familiar and incredibly soothing, and it seemed to help ground me.
"I'm still me," I whispered to my cat. "Just like Grandma said. All the other stuff can change, but what's really Zoey—what's been Zoey for sixteen years—is still Zoey."
Maybe if I repeated it over and over enough to myself, I'd actually believe it. I rested my face in one hand and scratched my cat with the other, and told myself that I was still me…still me…still me…
"See how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O, that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!"
Nala "me-eeh-uf-owed" in complaint as I jumped in surprise.
"Seems like I keep finding you by this tree," Erik said, smiling down at me and looking like a god.
He made me feel all fluttery in my stomach, but tonight he also made me feel something else. Just exactly why did he keep "finding" me? And just exactly how long had he been watching this time?
"What are you doing out here, Erik?"
"Hi, it's nice to see you, too. And, yes, I would like to have a seat, thank you," he said and started to sit beside me.
I stood up, making Nala mutter at me again.
"Actually, I was just going to go back to the dorm."
"Hey, I didn't mean to intrude or whatever. I just couldn't concentrate on my homework so I went for a walk. I guess my feet carried me this way without me telling them to, 'cause next thing I knew here I was and here you are. I'm really not stalking you. Promise."
He stuck his hands in his pockets and looked totally embarrassed. Well, totally cute and embarrassed, and I remembered how much I had wanted to say yes to him earlier when he asked me to watch dorky movies with him. And now here I was, rejecting him and making him uncomfortable again. It's a wonder the kid ever talked to me. Clearly, I was taking this High Priestess thing way too seriously.
"So how about walking me back to my dorm? Again," I asked. "Sounds good."
This time Nala complained when I tried to carry her. Instead she trotted along after us while Erik and I fell into step together as easily as we had before. We didn't say anything for a while. I wanted to ask him about Aphrodite, or at the very least tell him what she'd said to me about him, but I couldn't come up with a good way of saying something that I probably didn't have any business questioning him about.
"So what were you doing out here this time?" he asked.
"Thinking," I said, which technically wasn't a lie. I had been thinking. A lot. Before, during, and after the circle-casting I was conveniently not going to mention.
"Oh. Are you worried about that Heath kid?"
Actually, I hadn't thought about Heath or Kayla since I'd talked to Neferet, but I shrugged, not wanting to get specific about what I'd been thinking.
"I mean, I guess it's probably hard to break up with someone just because you got Marked," he said.
"I didn't break up with him because I got Marked. He and I were pretty much finished before that. The Mark just made it more final." I looked at Erik and took a deep breath. "What about you and Aphrodite?"
He blinked in surprise. "What do you mean?"
"I mean today she told me that you'll never be her ex because you'll always be hers."
His eyes narrowed and he looked truly pissed. "Aphrodite has a serious problem with telling the truth."
"Well, not that it's any of my business, but—"
"It is your business," he said quickly. And then, totally and utterly shocking me, he took my hand. "At least I'd like it to be your business."
"Oh," I said. "Okay, well, okay." Once again, I was sure I was astounding him with my witty conversation skills.
"So you weren't just avoiding me tonight; you really had some thinking to do?" he asked slowly.
"I wasn't avoiding you. There's just …," I hesitated, not sure how the hell to explain something I was pretty sure I shouldn't explain to him. "There's a lot of stuff going on with me right now. This whole Change thing is pretty confusing sometimes."
"It gets better," he said, squeezing my hand.
"Somehow, for me, I doubt it," I muttered.
He laughed and tapped my Mark with his finger. "You're just ahead of some of the rest of us. That's hard at first, but, believe me, it'll get easier—even for you."
I sighed. "I hope so." But I doubted it.
We stopped in front of the dorm, and he turned to me, his voice suddenly low and serious. "Z, don't believe the crap Aphrodite says. She and I haven't been together in months."
"But you used to be," I said.
He nodded and his face looked strained.
"She's not a very nice person, Erik."
"I know that."
And then I realized what had really been bothering me and decided, oh, well, what the hell, I'd just say it.
"I don't like it that you'd be with someone who's so mean. It makes me feel funny about wanting to be with you." He opened up his mouth to say something and I kept talking, not wanting to hear excuses I wasn't sure that I should or could believe. "Thanks for walking me home. I am glad you found me again."
"I'm glad I found you, too," he said. "I'd like to see you again, Z, and not just by accident."
I hesitated. And wondered why I was hesitating. I did want to see him again. I needed to forget Aphrodite. Seriously, she is really pretty and he is a guy. He probably fell into her haggish (and hot) clutches before he knew what was happening. I mean, she did kinda remind me of a spider. I should be glad that she hadn't bitten his head off, and give the guy a chance.
"Okay, how about I watch those dorky DVDs with you Saturday?" I said before I could freakishly talk myself out of going out with the most gorgeous guy at this school.
"It's a date," he said.
Obviously giving me time to pull away if I wanted to, Erik slowly bent down and kissed me. His lips were warm and he smelled really good. The kiss was soft and nice. Honestly, it made me want him to kiss me more. Too soon it was over, but he didn't move away from me. We were standing close, and I realized that I had my hands on his chest. His were resting lightly on my shoulders. I smiled up at him.
"I'm glad you asked me out again," I said.
"I'm glad you finally said yes," he said.
Then he kissed me again, only this time he wasn't hesitant. The kiss deepened, and my arms went up around his shoulders. I felt, more than heard, him moan and as he kissed me long and hard it was like he flipped a switch somewhere deep inside me, and hot, sweet, electric desire flashed through me. It was crazy and amazing, and more than anyone else's kisses had ever made me feel.