Marlfox

Allag and his patrol marched out of the trees in double ranks. The ferrets turned around to watch the smartly clad water rats. By the time Allag's soldiers arrived at Raventail's fire, both Marlfoxes had disappeared. Raventail circled the fire, utterly astonished. "Kye arrrrrrr! Wherego Marlfoxes?"

Ascrod and Vannan had circled back to where Allag's patrol had been previously hidden. They emerged from the trees, walking very slowly and looking mysterious. The ferret Chieftain grabbed the paw of the ancient one he had consulted before.

"Yehyeh! Allmagic Marlfox be bigmagic!"

Vannan muttered out the side of her mouth to Ascrod as they approached the awestricken Raventail, "Let's sit down and do business with this one, now that we've convinced him Marlfoxes are really magic!"

Florian was also impressing an audience at that moment. Armed with a soup ladle and a large wooden salad fork, he pranced about wildly in front of the Abbeybabes, performing a victory ode he had composed in which credit for the rout of the vermin was due largely to the fighting prowess of one Florian Dugglewoof Wilffachop.

"Armed to the dirty mangy teeth,

Ten of 'em came at me,

Hoho, me buckoes, here, sez I,

Only ten of ye?

So I boxed their ears an' blacked their eyes,

Then tied their tails in knots.

I kicked their bottoms o'er the walls

With javelins an' slingshots,

When suddenly behind me back,

Some foulbeast shouted 'Charge!'

An' twenty-three came right at me,

Those villains were quite large.

So I got me trusty salad fork,

An' jabbed 'em here'n'there,

I left 'em weepin', full o' holes,

'Oh save us from that hare!'

Well I grabbed a fleein' Marlfox,

An' punched him on the snout,

Both his boots went flyin' off,

I gave him such a clout!

Those rats were dirty fighters,

Out came me old soup ladle,

The cowardly pack o' blighters,

Fled fast as they were able.

I chased 'em, laughin' bravely,

Haharr now off you pop,

I'm the warrior who saved Redwall,

An' me last name's Wilffachop!"

Unknown to the garrulous hare, Bargle and Mayon were watching the performance. The two Guosim shrews sat concealed by a berry hedge, observing Florian's wild contortions as he declaimed his outrageous ode. They were not sure whether to scowl or laugh.

"Modest ole beast, ain't 'e, mate?"

"I wonder who taught 'im t'dance, a mad caterpillar?"

"Even a scalded frog couldn't prance about like that. I've never seen a creature's paws, tail, ears'n'whiskers goin' so many different ways at one time!"

"Oh, haharrharr! Ole Florian's fell flat on 'is tail. I knew 'e would. Couldn't keep up a twirlin' jig like that!"

Sister Sloey, assisted by Rimrose and Ellayo, was checking up on Redwallers who had sustained injuries during the fighting. A line formed on the stairs to the Infirmary, the patients mainly shrews who had slingshot or arrow wounds that needed re-dressing. Rimrose finished neatly bandaging a Guosim paw. "There you are, Splikker, good as new. Keep it dry now, that cut is healing nicely. Next!"

Ellayo and Sloey were applying a compress of wet herbs to the head of a mole who had been hit by a slingstone.

"Don't worry, sir, that bump is smaller than 'twas yesterday. Do you still feel dizzy at all?"

The mole touched a heavy digging claw to the swelling on his brow. "Oi be foine now, thankee, marm. Doan't feels loik oi gotten two 'eads no more, hurr hurr!"

There was a commotion on the stairway. Florian was pushing his way to the front of the line. "I say, make way for a warrior, you chaps, pish'n'tush! Load of scratches an' bumps, wot! A feller could be dyin' for all you flippin' lot care. Out o' the confounded way, sir!" He came barging into the Infirmary, but did a smart about-turn when he saw three females in attendance. "Er, er, harrumph! Not t'worry, ladies, I'll come back another time. Extremely busy, lots t'do, wot wot!"

Ellayo and Sister Sloey cut off his retreat to the door.

"What seems to be the matter, mister Florian?"

"You never reported a wound. Sit down an' tell us about it."

"Er, er, rather not sit down, Ellayo marm," Florian blustered, backing up to the wall. "Nature of the wound, doncha know, er, haha ..."

Sister Sloey nodded understandingly. "Oh, I see, you were wounded in the tail area. Why didn't you come here yesterday?"

"Er, well er, didn't feel so jolly bad then, you understand, just today though, been givin' me a bit o' gyp. Must've been a few arrows or a couple o' spears got me. Forgot all about it in the heat of battle, y'know. Chap doesn't like to cause a fuss."

Rimrose began gathering herbs for a poultice. "Oh, you poor creature, you must have been in great pain!"

Florian turned sideways, showing his noble profile and devil-may-care smile. "Oh, 'twas nothin' really. Stiff upper lip, wot!"

Winking and grinning at everybeast about, Bargle and Mayon entered the Infirmary. Each tossed a broken half of a wooden salad fork on the table.

"Mister Florian, sir, wot's Brother Melilot goin' t'say when he sees wot y'did to 'is salad fork?"

"Aye, I'll wager it smarted a bit when y'fell an' sat down on it like that. Must've give yer a nasty jab in yore backside, sir?"

Over the uproarious laughter from the shrews waiting in line, Ellayo gave the hare a piece of her mind. "You great flop-eared fraud! Wounded by spears an' arrows durin' the fightin', eh? Yore a fiddle-faced fibber an' a trickster!"

The Infirmary door slammed before Florian could make good his escape. Guosim shrews crowded around the outside, peeping through the keyhole and pressing their ears to the woodwork, to witness what was taking place inside.

"Er, I'll come back t'morrer, marm. What're you doin' with those bally great tweezers? No, please, I beg you. Yaaaah!"

"Bargle, Mayon, hold him still, there may be splinters. Don't want to leave them in there, do we?"

"Ooooh! I say, go easy there! Yowchouch!"

"Is that water hot enough yet, Rimrose? I want to make a nettle poultice. Can't be too careful with tail wounds!"

"Yeeeek! Assassins! Help me, somebeast, they're torturin' me t'death! Owowowowowowwww!"

"So brave an' silent, ain't 'e, Mayon?"

"Whooooooh! Fiends! Gerroff, lemmego! Oohoohooh!"

"Stiff upper lip, mister Florian, that's the jolly ole spirit. Chin up an' never say die, ole chap, wot wot!"

Brother Melilot and Runktipp were setting up the banqueting board in the orchard. Gubbio Foremole and Tragglo Spearback upended a cask onto a trestle, and Tragglo knocked home a spigot with his bung mallet. He held a beaker beneath the tap, allowing a small quantity of sparkling pinkish liquid to flow into it. Melilot took the proffered beaker and sipped.

"Best strawberry fizz cordial I ever tasted!"

Runktipp sat on the ground, looping a thin wire about the big white celery cheese he was about to cut. "Lend a paw 'ere, Brother, 'tis too much for me t'cut alone!"

Melilot clapped a paw to his forehead. "Pear'n'chestnut flans! I've left six of 'em in the ovens!" He hurried off, calling back orders. "Tragglo, help cut the cheese, will you! Foremole, send some of your crew to collect those oatfarls from the windowsills, they should be well cooled by now! Roop, Muggle, start loading the trolleys. Don't forget the saladoh, and see if you can find my serving fork. I don't know where 'tis gone to. Deesum marm, would you be kind enough to top off the trifle? You'll find fresh chopped fruit on the big stone slab. Oh dear, I hope those flans aren't burnt!"

Tragglo and Runktipp pulled the wire smoothly through the large cheese, then lifted off the moist white circular slice and cut it into four wedge-shaped chunks ready for the table.

Runktipp glanced sideways at the berry hedge. "We're bein' watched, mate. 'Tis prob'ly cheese-robbers!"

Tragglo took his barrel knife and cut a small piece from the cheese, held it up and called out to the hidden creatures, "You can 'ave some cheese if'n you promises not t'slay us all afore our work's done 'ere!"