“I’m scared.”
He pushes my hair behind my ear. “I am too.”
“I’ve lost so much. I lost my parents, my sister, and then Rex and Melody.” In this moment, I’m glad he read the articles… glad he knows everything. Still, there’s a part of me that wants to be the one to tell him.
“I was so scared to love them when I went back home. I didn’t know how to be who they expected me to be and felt guilty for it at the same time. They love me and I hurt them. Rex and Melody claimed to love me but they hurt me. What if… I don’t want to lose you too.”
“My dad hurt all of us. I hurt Mom and Mom hurt us. I think… that’s life, baby. It doesn’t come with a guarantee. Just know I’m not walking away from you. I’ve never wanted anything in my life enough to actually fight for it. I’ve folded and given up but I’ll be damned if I give up my fight for you.”
Wrapping my arms around him, I cry into Maddox’s neck. I hold him so tightly that I fear I’m hurting him before I realize nothing can hurt him. Not really. He’s strong and he’ll keep going and he makes me want to do the same. Like him, I realize I’ve never really fought for much. I’ve spent my life like I’m living some kind of masquerade. I became Bee instead of fighting to be Leila. I didn’t accept my parents’ love so I wouldn’t lose it and I clung to Rex and Melody because I knew I could never really have it. They were in prison so it wasn’t like I could really have their love; therefore, I wouldn’t have the pain of losing it.
Melody and Rex love me. I don’t doubt that and… I know my parents do too. I’m tired of holding back, so I don’t show them the same.
“We’ll fight together. We’ll learn how to do this together. I love you, too, Maddox. You made your mark on me that first night I met you and it hasn’t gone away.”
“You mean it wasn’t my mad tattooing skills?” This time when he smiles, it’s real.
“No.”
A serious look crosses his face again. “You don’t need to be anyone other than who you are. Not for me.”
I drop my forehead to his. He’s never wanted me to be anyone else. He never pushed even when he should have. “I know… Thank you. I love who you are. I love who we are together.” And I want more. I want it all. I want my life back. “I want you to go home with me. I have to fix things with my family. I’d like you to meet them. If it’s too much—”
“It’s not.”
At that, I smile. “I need to start over. I think…” When I look at him, I know. “The only way to find myself is doing it with the people I love.”
“You’re you. The name you go by doesn’t matter.”
And I know he’s right. I also know he needs to fight some of his demons and I want nothing more than to be by his side. “You need to go home, too, Maddox. You have things to work out with your sister and—”
“I need to say good-bye to my mom.”
The look in his eyes tells me there’s more he needs to say to her than that. He needs to make amends, even if it’s with a ghost.
“Do you want me to go with you?”
“I need you to go with me. Just like I need to go with you to see your family.” With that, Maddox’s lips come down on mine. It’s an urgent, needy kiss. My hands go into his hair and his go under my sweatshirt to rest on my waist. The kiss is wild and passionate, and a mixture of so many emotions just like love is. It’s raw, all of us open for hurt when we chose to let love in. But open for beauty too. A tattoo on your heart with the colors and images of who each of us really is. Emotional art.
We’re not perfect, though none of us are. We’re works in progress and what matters is we’re moving forward and we’re doing it together. In love.
Epilogue
~Maddox~
July, eight months later
“We’re putting all the food and shit on that table on the right.” I point the caterer to the corner, as Laney smacks my arm.
“Food and shit?” Laney asks as I shake my head before looking over at Leila, who smiles and winks at me.
It was about two months after Mom died that she told me she wanted to start going by her real name. I’d seen it coming before that. The more time we spent with her family, the more comfortable she became with them. The more she wanted to fight for her life back.
“Remember how I told you it felt good to be Bee because I chose it? She was who I wanted to be?”
“Yeah.” I kissed her neck as we’d lain in bed, then kept traveling down. I’d gotten to her stomach before she continued.
“It feels even better to tell you I’m choosing to be Leila again.”
I’d stopped, kept my lips to her skin before I looked up at her. “It’s a sexy fucking name.”
That had been the end of the conversation and she’d been Leila ever since. Leila who is still a tattoo artist and is learning to ride a motorcycle and is the same person I’ve always known. It’s not that none of us ever slips up and calls her Bee, but it’s like a nickname now.
I wrap my hand around the back of her neck and pull her to me. She comes easily, her arms going around my waist as she looks up at me.
“Is it bad to say shit in front of a caterer?” In the background, I hear my sister chuckle before walking away.
“Fuck if I know.” Leila pushes up on her toes to kiss me.
For a second I let myself forget we’re in a room full of people. That Laney, Adrian, Colt, and Cheyenne are lurking around somewhere. That Leila’s parents and sister are all huddled around Leila’s portfolio on the desk. Cheyenne’s family, an aunt and an uncle, are here somewhere and Adrian’s sister too. Hell, even Trevor, Tyler, and a few other people from Lunar are here, though I had my last day a couple weeks ago. Definitely won’t have time to run security for them while I’m working full-time at our new shop.
Mine and Leila’s. Masquerade hadn’t been big enough for us to both have our own workstation plus… that’s not really our lives anymore, living like we’re in some masquerade, hiding behind our hardened exteriors. We both wanted a clean slate.
“That’s why I love you so much. You don’t care about my mouth.”
“Oh, I care about your mouth very much, just what you do with it, not how dirty it is.”
I laugh as Colt and Cheyenne step up. “Let’s not talk about mouths because Colt has the dirtiest.” Chey twists the engagement ring on her finger and grins at him.
Colt shrugs. “It was good enough to make you mine.”
He’d proposed on his mom’s birthday. They’re taking their time, though, finishing school first from what Leila said. Hanging out with him and Adrian more, I heard about how he lost his mom and how important she was to him. It’s crazy because it helped me make peace with my own mom’s memory. Colt would have done anything for his mom and it made me wish I would have fought harder to help save mine… or maybe not save her, only make sure she knew she wasn’t alone. Who knows, maybe it would have helped. Maybe not. I try not to dwell on it.
Everyone laughs, making me notice that my sister and Adrian stepped back up.
“When you open the doors, I was thinking you could do a piece for me,” Adrian says. Today we’re having a pre-celebration or some shit. Leila’s mom planned it. She likes doing stuff like that and Leila actually had fun helping her.
“Hell yeah. What do you want?”