She didn’t know what to say. He’d said he would tell, but he hadn’t. And she hadn’t anticipated such a question, especially from a friend.
A frown started to form in Letitia’s eyes, but it was Clarice who set her cup on her saucer and, staring at Minerva’s face, said, “Aha! ‘She’ is you.” Her brows rose. “Well, well.”
Letitia’s eyes flew wide. She read confirmation in Minerva’s expression, and delight filled her face. “It is you! He’s chosen you. Well! I would never have credited him with so much good sense.”
Head tilted, Penny said, “We’re not wrong, are we? He has asked you to be his bride?”
Minerva grimaced lightly. “Not exactly-not yet-but yes, he wants me to be his duchess.”
Letitia’s frown returned. “Pray excuse me if I’m wrong, but I always sensed that you…well, that you wouldn’t reject his advances.”
Minerva stared at her. “Please tell me I wasn’t that obvious.”
“No, you weren’t-it was just something about the way you paid attention whenever he was mentioned.” Letitia shrugged. “It was probably feeling the same way about Christian that made me notice.”
Minerva felt mildly relieved.
“So,” Clarice asked, “why are you hesitating over accepting his suit?”
Minerva looked from one face to the other. “He’s a Varisey.”
Letitia’s face blanked. “Oh.”
“Ah…” Penny grimaced.
Slowly, Clarice nodded. “I see. Not being a giddy miss with more hair than wit, you want…” She glanced at the other two. “What we’ve all been lucky enough to find.”
Minerva exhaled. “Precisely.” They understood.
After a moment, Penny frowned. “But you haven’t refused him.”
Minerva met Penny’s eyes, then set down her cup and rose; swinging around behind the sofa, she started to pace. “It’s not that simple.” No matter what Hamish thought.
The others watched her, waited.
She needed help; Letitia was an old friend, and they all had marriages based on love-and they’d immediately understood. She halted, briefly closed her eyes. “I didn’t mean to fall in love with him.”
“We rarely do,” Clarice murmured. “It simply happens.”
Opening her eyes, she inclined her head. “So I’ve realized.” She resumed her pacing. “Since he returned, well, he wanted me, and I am twenty-nine. I thought I could be…close to him for just a little while without risking my heart. But I was wrong.”
“Wrong?” Letitia pityingly shook her head. “You’ve been infatuated with Royce Varisey for decades, and you thought you could be with him-by which I assume you mean you’re sharing his bed-and not fall in love with him? My dear Minerva, you weren’t just mistaken.”
“No, I know. I was a fool. But falling in love with him wouldn’t have mattered if he hadn’t decided to make me his duchess.”
Letitia frowned. “When did he decide that?”
“Weeks ago. After the grandes dames saw him in his study. But”-Minerva forced herself to go on-“that’s not the whole of my problem.”
She continued pacing, ordering the elements of her explanation in her mind. “I’ve always been set on a marriage based on love-I’ve had offers before, a good many, and never been tempted. My parents’ marriage was based on love, and I’ve never wanted anything else. At first…I had no idea Royce had his eye on me. I thought I could hide my interest in him, be the dutiful chatelaine, and then leave once his wife took up the reins. Then…he wanted me, and I thought it would be safe enough, given his marriage was imminent. I thought love would need time to grow-but it didn’t.”
Letitia nodded. “It can strike in an instant.”
“So I’d heard, but I never really believed…regardless, once I realized I’d fallen in love with him, I still thought, given his marriage had to occur soon, that I’d be able to leave, if not heart-whole, then at least with dignity. I’ve never been in love before, and if I never was again, no one would know but me.”
Minerva paused in her pacing, and raised her head. “Then he told me I was the lady he wanted as his duchess.”
“Of course he told you.” Penny humphed.
Minerva nodded. “Indeed-but I’d always known that the last thing, the very last thing I should do if I wanted a marriage based on love, was to marry Royce, or any Varisey. No Varisey marriage in history has been based on love, or in any way included love.” She drew a deep breath, her gaze fixed across the room. “Until last night, I believed that if I married Royce, ours would be a typical Varisey arrangement, and he, and everyone else-all the ton, in fact-would expect me to stand meekly by while he indulged as he wished with any lady who took his fancy.”
Frowning, Letitia nodded. “The typical Varisey union.”
Minerva inclined her head. “And I couldn’t do that. Even before I fell in love with him, I knew I’d never be able to stand that-that knowing he didn’t love me as I loved him, when he went to another’s bed, and then another’s, I’d wither, pine, and go mad like Caro Lamb.”
Their expressions stated that they fully understood.
“So what happened last night?” Clarice asked.
That needed another deep breath. “Last night, Royce swore that if I agree to be his duchess, he’ll be faithful.”
Complete silence reigned for several minutes.
Eventually, Penny said, “I can see how that…changes things.”
Clarice grimaced. “If it weren’t Royce we were talking about, I’d ask if you believed him.”
Letitia snorted. “If he says he will, let alone swears he will, he will.”
Minerva nodded. “Exactly. And at first glance, that should make it easy for me to agree, but, as I realized once I managed to find time to think, while him being faithful clears away one problem, it creates another.”
Gripping the back of the sofa, she focused on the tea tray on the low table between the sofas. “He says he will never lie to me, and that I accept. He says he cares for me as he cares for no other-and I accept that, too. But what happens when, if we wed, and a few years pass, and he no longer comes to my bed.” She raised her gaze, and met Clarice’s, then Penny’s, then lastly Letitia’s. “How am I going to feel then? Knowing he no longer desires me, but because of his vow, is simply…” She gestured. “Existing. Abstaining. Him, of all men.”
They didn’t rush to reassure her.
Eventually, Letitia sighed. “That’s not a comforting-or comfortable-thought.”
Clarice grimaced. Penny did, too.
“If he loved me,” Minerva said, “the problem wouldn’t exist. But he’s been brutally honest-and I can’t fault him in that. He will promise me all that’s in his power to give, but he won’t promise love. He can’t. He admitted he doesn’t know if he even has it in him to give.”
Clarice humphed. “That’s not so odd-they never do know.”
“Which leads me to ask”-Letitia swung to look up at her-“are you sure he isn’t in love with you, but doesn’t know it?”
Penny leaned forward. “If you haven’t been in love before…are you sure you would know if he was?”
Minerva was silent for a long moment. “Someone recently told me that love is like a disease, and the easiest way to know if someone’s caught it is to look for the symptoms.”
“Excellent advice,” Clarice affirmed.
Penny nodded. “Love isn’t a passive emotion-it makes you do things you wouldn’t normally do.”
“It makes you take risks you otherwise wouldn’t.” Letitia looked at Minerva. “So what do you think? Might Royce be in love with you, but not know?”