Then, on April 17th, 2003, on a 21-day retreat at the Malaysian Buddhist Meditation Center between medical school and my residency, I attained to arahatship. It happened while I was doing walking meditation on that glorious Spring morning. I was sick of the cycles of insight and profoundly inspired by the steady and gentle invitation of the teacher, Sayadaw U Pandita, Junior, to simply see through the whole 347
So Who The Heck Is Daniel M. Ingram?
thing as he had done. His calm smile seemed say, “You can do it. Come on! Any day now.” Always sit with arahats if you possibly can. That’s my advice, anyway.
I decided that I would allow no sensation anywhere in the entire wide sense field to go by without it being clearly known as it was during every single second of the day. It was a high standard, but strangely enough can actually be very closely approximated. It was sufficient to do the trick after about a week of doing that some 20+ hours per day. I remember attaining to a Fruition, and a few seconds later I noticed something about the entrance to it and the re-forming of the sense of a perceiver on the back side of it, and then suddenly the knot of perception flipped open, everything was the same and yet the perspective on it was completely different, and my vipassana problem, once I had stabilized in that understanding, was solved.
I had barely taught in the previous 6 years as my own practice has consumed most of the scant free time I had, but a few days after seeing it I told my teacher I was thinking of teaching again. He shot me an uncharacteristically sharp glance and said in a forceful and commanding voice, “Good!”
I have learned all sorts of useful and interesting things since then, but seeing through the center point was the essential thing. Many, many thanks to everyone and everything that made all of this possible, from the people who taught the Buddha to those who carry his knowledge forward today, from the people who cooked in the meditation centers I stayed in to the usurious credit card companies that loaned me the money to keep going on retreats, and for everything else in this wide world that made it happen: Thank you, thank you, thank you!
In addition to my successes, I felt very comfortable writing about the many ways that one can screw up on the spiritual path, either because I had done so myself, because one or more of my respected dharma companions had done so or, most often, for both reasons. I can’t tell you how many stupid things I thought, said and did along the way while in desperate pursuit of something that was right there all along, and I continue to make countless errors when trying to spread the dharma and live my life. The only state, stage or attainment I write about from theory rather than experience is Buddhahood.
348
So Who The Heck Is Daniel M. Ingram?
There are a few practical uses for such information. It is potentially useful to disclose that I have made countless errors on the spiritual path so that this may counter the notion that I am coming from some useless
“holier than thou” position and also to try to counter in others the sense that they are the only ones who make numerous errors on the spiritual path. I hope it was not necessary. As someone wise once said, “The life of a Zen Master is one continuous mistake,” and that goes equally for the rest of us.
I feel that the most important positive result that can come from stating, “I know that of which I write,” is the chance that this might create the sense that extraordinary things may be understood and attained by otherwise ordinary people such as and including myself and yourself. I’ve done this stuff while holding down jobs, having relationships, and pursuing graduate studies. I did it on a few weeks or months of retreat time here and there with a lot of daily practice. My total retreat time from beginning to arahatship was about 8 months with the longest sit being 27 days. The point that I am trying to make is that these techniques and practices are powerful and effective for those who take the time to follow them. If I can convey the sense that this is true by going on and on about what “I” have accomplished, then doing so serves a useful function.
Another possible positive outcome is the sense that might be created in some people that this is not a dead and theory-based tradition that simply rehashed the semi-mythical glory of long dead gurus and ancient writings, but a living tradition with validity in our modern times. The last useful point that might come from someone who has quite obviously achieved nothing even close to self-perfection saying, “I have strong mastery of the core teachings of the Buddha,” is that it might serve to help bring the whole notion of spirituality back down to earth. I am quite willing to look ridiculous and grandiose if there is some chance of it furthering that process, though I realize that it could easily backfire.
Consider carefully the differences and similarities between confidence, arrogance, and empowering others to realize that they can do it also.
The word to the wise is: don’t believe me or anyone else! Take the time to verify these things for yourself from your own direct experience.
I could easily be fooling myself, you or both of us on numerous points 349
So Who The Heck Is Daniel M. Ingram?
and for all sorts of reasons from innocent to evil. There certainly is a well-developed and ancient tradition of doing so. However, “my”
attainments shouldn’t matter so much to you, as the only person’s understanding that will really help you is your own.
My personal experiences with the “psychic powers” are not yet as fully developed as the more fundamental areas, but I have enough experience to be able to help all but the most advanced practitioner of them. As to scholarship, I feel that reading widely and really considering the meaning of what one reads and how it might actually be applied is a very good idea, and have myself read around 150 dharma books, both traditional and modern. While I have been authorized and encouraged to teach by a formal lineage, this is a mere formality and not a sure sign in anyone of real understanding or attainment, much less teaching ability. Luckily, realizations are not dependent on conditions such as formal acceptance into a lineage. I have chosen a lucrative career path that has little to do with meditation, and this eliminates my financial dependence on the dharma and the temptation to water things down for mass consumption or popular appeal, as is so commonly done.
I have found that if I repeatedly ask those who start talking with me about dharma practice the questions, “What do you really want and why?” and, “What would you be willing to do to get that?” I usually come to the conclusion that they are not really interested in the things I am interested in (i.e. the things mentioned in this book), and thus I can turn the conversation to other topics and avoid wasting our time. Those few who do share some of my interests are my dear companions in what I call The Dharma Underground, and for them I am extremely grateful.
But enough about me, let me tell you about my book! I think that I have made my influences and “humble” opinions on a wide variety of other subjects very clear throughout this work. To be truthful, sometimes I have picked up this book and thought, “Goodness
gracious, what a harsh rant. What a heap of reductionist dogma, false certainty, pretentiousness and my own neurotic stuff. I pity the poor, innocent, and pathologically nice, mainstream, ritualistic, disempowered Buddhists unfortunate enough to have picked this thing up and simply been kicked in their soft and flabby posteriors by it to little good effect.”
350
So Who The Heck Is Daniel M. Ingram?
On other days I have picked it up and thought, “Wow, this really is the book that I wished I had read all those years ago when I decided to really go for it. It would have been so extremely helpful to have had so many details about high-level practice laid out this clearly, so many myths dispelled, so much honesty about what the path is and isn’t.