She glanced at the clock. Not even nine. She couldn't face another sleepless night. For weeks she'd been resisting taking a sleeping pill, hating the idea of being dependent. But if she didn't get a decent night's rest soon, she'd go crazy. Her heart started its panicky flutter. She pressed her hand to her chest. What if she died right here? Who would care? Only Bodie.
She couldn't bear it any longer, so she tossed on her hot pink trench coat, grabbed her purse, and took the elevator down to the lobby. Even though it was dark, she slipped on her Chanel sunglasses in case she ran into one of her neighbors. She couldn't bear the thought of anyone seeing her like this- without her makeup, a pair of ratty sweatpants peeking out from under a Marc Jacobs trench coat.
She hurried around the corner to the all-night drugstore. As she reached the aisle with the sleeping remedies, she saw them. Piled in a wire bin marked 75% off. Dusty purple boxes of aging yellow marshmallow Easter chicks. The bin sat at the end of the aisle across from the sleep aids. Her mother had bought those chicks every Easter and set them out in her Franklin Mint teddy bear bowl. Portia still remembered the grit of the sugar crystals between her teeth.
"You need some help?"
The clerk was a chubby Hispanic girl who wore too much makeup and wouldn't be able to comprehend that some things were beyond help. Portia shook her head, and the girl disappeared. She turned her attention to the sleeping pills, but the boxes swam before her eyes. Her gaze drifted back to the bin of chicks. Easter had been five months ago. They'd be rubbery by now.
A patrol car blew past outside, its siren blaring, and Portia wanted to shove her fingers in her ears. Some of the purple Easter chick cartons were dented, and a couple of the cellophane windows had split open. Disgusting. Why didn't they throw them out?
Overhead, the fluorescent light fixture hummed. The overly made-up clerk was staring at her. With a good night's sleep, Portia'd feel like her old self again. She had to choose something quickly. But what?
The noise from the fluorescent lights bored through her temples. Her pulse raced. She couldn't keep standing here. Her feet began to move, and her purse fell low on her arm. Instead of reaching for a sleeping aid, she reached into the bin for the marshmallow chicks. A trickle of perspiration slid between her breasts. She scooped up one box, then another, and another. Outside, a taxi horn blared. Her shoulder bumped a display of cleaning supplies, and a stack of sponges fell to the floor. She stumbled to the register.
Another kid stood behind the counter, this one pimply-faced and chinless. He picked up a box of chicks. "I love these things."
She fixed her eyes on the rack of tabloids. He ran the box over the scanner. Everyone in her building shopped at this drugstore, and a lot of them walked their dogs at night. What if someone wandered in here and saw her?
The boy held up a box with a torn cellophane window. "This is ripped."
She flinched. "They're… for my niece's kindergarten class."
"Do you want me to get another one?"
"No, it's fine."
"But it's ripped."
"I said it's fine!" She'd shouted, and the kid looked startled. She contorted her mouth into a travesty of a smile. "They're… making necklaces."
He looked at her as if she were crazy. Her heart raced faster. He started scanning again. The door opened, and an elderly couple entered the store. No one she knew, but she'd seen them before. He scanned the last box. She thrust a twenty at him, and he scrutinized it like a treasury agent. The chicks lay scattered across the counter for anyone to see, eight purple boxes, six chicks to a box. He handed over her change. She shoved it in her purse, not bothering with her wallet, just throwing it inside.
The phone by the register rang, and he answered it. "Hey, Mark, what's up? No, I don't get off till midnight. Sucks."
She snatched the sack from him and shoved the rest of the boxes inside. One fell to the floor. She left it there.
"Hey, lady, you want your receipt?"
She hurried into the street. It had started to rain again. She clutched the sack to her chest and dodged a fresh-faced young woman who still believed in happily-ever-after. Rain soaked her hair, and by the time she got back home, she was shivering. She dumped the sack on her dining room table. Some of the boxes spilled out.
She shrugged off her trench coat and tried to catch her breath. She should make herself a cup of tea, turn on some music, maybe the television. But she did none of those things. Instead, she sank into the chair at the foot of the table and slowly began lining up the boxes in front of her.
Seven boxes. Six chicks to a box.
Hands trembling, she started peeling off the cellophane and tearing open the flaps. Bits of purple cardboard dropped to the floor. Chicks tumbled out along with a gritty snow of yellow sugar.
Finally all the boxes were opened. She pushed the last remnants of cardboard and cellophane to the carpet. Only the chicks were left. As she gazed at them, she knew Bodie had been right about her. All her life, she'd been driven by fear, so frightened of falling short that she'd forgotten how to live.
She began to eat the chicks, one by one.
Chapter Twenty
Construction had clogged Denver's midday traffic, dampening Heath's already foul mood. For six weeks, he'd shown Delaney nothing but respect. This was his future wife, after all, and he didn't want her to think he was only after her for sex. An image of Annabelle naked sprang into his mind. He gritted his teeth and laid on the horn of the rental car. The only reason he kept thinking about Annabelle was because he was worried. No matter how much he nosed around, he couldn't find out for sure if she and Dean were sleeping together.
The distinct possibility that Dean was taking advantage of Annabelle made him crazy, but he forced his thoughts back to Delaney where they belonged. During their last couple of dates, she'd started sending strong signals that she was ready for sex, which meant he had to make plans, but that wasn't as simple as it seemed. For one thing, she had roommates, so he'd have to take her to his house, and how could he do that until he'd moved his workout equipment to the basement? He wanted her to like his house, but he'd already discovered that she didn't care much for contemporary architecture, so he'd probably have to sell it. A couple of months ago, that would have been fine, but something about seeing it through Annabelle's eyes had made him start to look at the place differently. He hoped he could talk Delaney into changing her mind.
He flipped the bird at the jerk who'd just cut him off and pondered a bigger problem. He couldn't shake the old-fashioned notion that he should propose to Delaney before they slept together. She was Delaney Lightfield, not some football groupie. True, they'd only dated for six weeks, but it was obvious to everybody except Bodie that they were perfect for each other, so why wait?
Except how could he propose without a ring?
For a brief moment, he considered asking Annabelle to pick one out, but even he knew he could only delegate so much. Traffic ground to a stop. He'd be late for his eleven o'clock meeting. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. The difficulty of trying to propose to Delaney without mentioning the love word flashed through his mind, but he'd work that out later. For now, he had to figure out what to do about the ring. She'd have lots of opinions about diamonds, and he suspected his philosophy of "the bigger the better" might not be in line with her upper-crust way of thinking. She'd want something discreet with a perfect cut. Then there was that color crap people talked about. Frankly, one diamond looked pretty much like another to him.
The traffic still wasn't moving. Heath thought it over. What the hell. He reached for his cell and made the call.
For once, Annabelle answered instead of her voice mail.
He kept it brief, but she was in one of her uncooperative moods, and even with horns blaring around him, she shouted so loud he had to hold the phone away from his ear.