'Well, that'll do for the present,' said Maudie; 'come and lunch. I'm rippingly hungry, and after lunch we'll have to get ready for Tubby and Aunt Lavinia.'
'I don't want any lunch, or Tubby, or Aunt Lavinia,' grumbled Charlie. 'I want to go to bed with you for the rest of the day.'
'Oh, you'll see lots of me in the future. I think you see the possibilities of our GREAT IDEA. This is only a penny peepshow at present. I, with your help and Tubby's money, am going to make it world-famous.'
Lunch was simple, but very delicate. After the salmon cutlets there was just a duck and salad, and a light savoury. Only hock cup and Grand Marnier with the coffee.
Two new maids Charlie had no difficulty in recognising as the originals of girls in the photographs, and in the page he recognised at once the boy David.
'Now'-Maudie lifted an admonitory finger-'this is the lie.
'Firstly, regarding your presence here. I knocked you down in Kensington last night. You were unconscious, but not bad enough for the hospital, so I brought you here.
'To Aunt Lavinia, I am the widow of a Polish count, and I knew Tubby abroad. That's all. Ah, I think I hear the car.'
The hum of the motor drew nearer, like the sound of a fury flying on the wind. Charlie fidgeted uneasily, and mechanically turned face downwards one or two very outre photographs. Aunt Lavinia mattered financially very much indeed, and could his charming hostess be trusted?
Maudie was perfectly calm. As the scrunch of the wheels on the gravel denoted the arrival, she gave a final little twirl to a kiss-curl, and said to Charlie: 'Kiss me for luck.'
It was Aunt Lavinia.
The door swung open, and before the footman had time to announce them, Lady Lavinia and Tubby were in the room.
CHAPTER THREE
Charlie's aunt, the dowager Lady Lavinia McCree, was not a woman who 'came' into rooms, nor could she be said to 'enter' them, or even 'rush' or 'burst' or 'sweep' in. She was there all of a sudden, before you had any idea of her arrival. Charlie was kissed, and Maudie warmly shaken hands with.
'How are you, Charlie? How foolish of you to be knocked down: I'm sure it was very good of this lady to pick you up. Of course you were drunk-so like your poor father. If there'd been motorists about to knock him down and look after him, he'd never have got into the Thames at Westminster Bridge, thinking it was his bath, and caught his death.
'-And so, my dear, you are Countess Orloffsky. Of course you must be sister-in-law or something to poor Paul Orloffsky; I knew him well. He married his cook, and she poisoned him with Rough on Rats in a pate, or something, and married the butler, and they took a hotel in Switzerland and had so many children. I fear he was a sad lot, my dear-your brother-in-law, I mean, not the butler-just like Charlie's father, and Charlie-but now that he has found a friend in you, I know you will have an immensely good influence. And that dear, good Mr Evans-James, too, I do wish Charlie could see more of him-such a good influence.'
Tubby, who had been stifling a silly giggle, now almost exploded.
'So good of you, my dear, to let me use your car, such nice things, and so convenient, especially for people like Mr Evans-James, being so fat, and unable to get about for his good works. His dear mother tells me how often he has to be away from town seeing after his camp missions.'
The old lady, having rattled this out at express speed, shut up as suddenly as she had begun, and sat down.
When she had been borne away to tidy up, Tubby took Charlie into the smoking-room.
Tubby was a very fat little man, with an exceptionally solemn cast of countenance, except when drunk, which was not infrequent. He had more money than he knew what to do with, and he welcomed anyone who would help him spend it as a benefactor.
'I say, old chap,' he said, 'this is a go.'
'Oh, I think your lady friend'll carry it off-auntie won't stop long.'
'I'm not so sure about that; she's after me and those damned camps that I've talked so much about. The place at home is full of photos of 'em. Maudie faked 'em here. There's a wonderful studio here y'know-perhaps she's shown it you?'
'She has. '
'Oh, I say, you mustn't be upset or anything-but this is a hot shop, y'know. Well, 1 thought it too hot even to ask you.
Oh, I say, did you really get knocked down by Maudie and the car? I could have sworn I saw you coming out of the Empire, boozed as a cock-bird. You didn't go and pick her up anywhere, did you?'
'Of course not; she wouldn't. She's been talking of nothing but you.'
'Bless her little heart! Well, we must make the most of it, Maudie says. You're staying the night. All the maids fuck, y'know,' he giggled fatuously. 'Try little Jessie.'
'Oh, I don't think so, old chap. I don't do much of that sort of thing.'
'No more do I; not 'cos I don't like it, y'know, but I'm so fat, and it's such a dashed sweat. Like seeing other chaps do it much better. Lots of that here: oh, it is a hot shop. Pa's been here, he! he! Gad, if your old aunt cottons on! I must put Maudie up to the settlement-camps business. Well, I must go and wash. You'll have the green room-artichoke, I call it-next to ours tonight. I'll wake you tomorrow morning.'
Charlie had fully determined to take this job on. He foresaw but little trouble over the Tubby business. He would make himself so useful that he knew he would be forgiven anything.
After dinner that night he begged to be excused. Sitting alone in the little smoking-room, he began to think out his plans.
It was a great idea. With that wealth he could ransack Europe for girls. Wasn't it better than?300 a year and the secretaryship of a club-and if, in duty bound to Tubby, he mustn't go wrong with Maudie, for whom he already felt an almost ungovernable lust, there certainly would be no lack of others.
At that moment one of the pretty maids came in without knocking.
'Oh, mistress's compliments, sir, but she'd forgotten to give you the key of the wine and spirit cupboards; there they are. I'll open them.'
She brought out the necessaries, also a pile of books.
'Mistress says you might like these, too,' she giggled. 'Let me show you the best,' and she flicked over the pages of an obviously very erotic book, full of coloured plates of lust in every form. 'Saucy, aren't they? Look at this.'
It portrayed three couples, hopelessly mixed up, tongues, lips, cocks and cunts in helpless and joyful confusion.
She put her hand on Charlie's shoulder, playfully flicking his ear, and bending over kissed his forehead, pressing her breasts against the back of his head..
'I'm glad you've come,' she cooed; 'so are all the girls. We like you. I'm going to bring your hot water up tonight; mind you're awake.'
Charlie couldn't help it. He pulled her round on to his knee. She put his hand under her clothes herself, and wriggled. 'It's all right,' she said; 'no one will come in. This is what I'm best at,' and she slipped between his legs and undid his fly buttons with her teeth.
'You little devil!' was all Charlie could say.
A confused, gurgling noise was the only answer-his prick seemed to be half-way down her throat.
He nervously fingered her head-she had deliciously soft hair-and abandoned himself to a transport of lust.
She gently tickled his balls till his cock seemed to throb like a motorbike engine, and-well, it couldn't last forever: he spent like Niagara.
The pretty girl threw back her head and gulped it down. 'I say, old chap,' came Tubby's voice from behind, 'you're starting early, y'know, and you've got the nicest, by God, y'have, but, I say, your aunt's looking for you, and she's going to stay the night, and what the devil are we going to do, what, what!'
The pretty maid stood up, blushing, and hung her head. 'You'd better be off, my dear,' said Tubby; 'and, for heavens sake, be careful what you do and say while that old lady's in the house.'