The mule ambled down the porch steps, then out into the street.
“Jump up, 99!”
“Max, I can’t hop up, I can’t skip up, and I can’t jump up. As long as he’s moving, there isn’t any way I can get on him.”
“But, 99, you’re leaving tracks in the dust!”
“I can’t help it, Max!”
The mule, having reached the saloon, strolled up onto the porch, then halted.
Max looked back. “99, why did you tell me you couldn’t hop, skip or jump? Look back there! Beside every mule track, there is a hop, skip and jump track.”
“Max, I didn’t say I couldn’t hop, skip or jump. I said I couldn’t hop, skip or jump up. That ‘up’ makes a lot of difference.”
Max got down from the mule. He looked back at the tracks again. “Well. . maybe those hop, skip and jump tracks will confuse Arbuthnot,” he said. “He probably won’t associate them with us. Just looking at us, neither one of us looks like a hopper, skipper and jumper. He’ll probably think the mule was accompanied by a drunken jack rabbit.”
“We better not stand out here on the porch, Max.”
Max nodded agreement, then led the way into the saloon. 99 and the mule followed.
Max pointed to a crack in the floor near the bar. “There!” he said. “That’s the crack the Coolidge-head penny dropped through. I’ll remember that crack as long as I live.”
“Max. . are you positive that’s the crack?” 99 said doubtfully. “I seem to remember that the crack was over here near the tables.” She pointed. “Weren’t you standing right here by this table, and didn’t the penny roll just a few feet and drop down this crack. . uh, right over here?”
“99, the crack the penny dropped down is etched in my memory. It was that crack right over there.”
“That isn’t the crack you pointed to first, Max. That crack is almost ten feet from the first crack.”
“In the meantime, I changed my mind,” Max explained. “I had the actual crack confused with the first crack because the first crack, as you can see, has the same sort of look as the- Well, of course, it doesn’t look exactly like the actual crack. But the similarity is-” He frowned and peered at the crack that 99 had indicated. “You really think it was this crack over here by the tables, eh?”
“Well, Max. . now that you mention it. . I mean, if you’re so positive that it was one of those cracks over there by the bar, then maybe I’m wrong. After all-”
“99, don’t give up so easily,” Max said. “Stick to your convictions. If you’re absolutely positive that this crack over here is the right crack, then don’t let me talk you out of it.”
“I’m just not so sure, any more, Max. In fact, now that I recall, I think you’re right-it dropped through that crack over there by the bar.”
“99, I’m afraid you’re wrong. I distinctly remember that the crack was near one of these tables. I said to myself at the time, ‘Well, what an attractive-looking table that coin is dropping into a crack near to.’ Now, I’m not sure exactly which crack by which table it was, but the one thing I do know is that the crack it dropped into was nowhere near the bar.”
99 shrugged. “All right, Max-if you’re that positive. I agree, it was somewhere over here near the tables.”
“Unless, of course, it was near the bar,” Max said, scowling again. “It could have rolled farther than I remember. As a matter of fact, now that I remember, it did roll farther than I remember. It probably rolled allllllll-the-way across the saloon and dropped into one of those cracks near the bar. Let’s start looking there, anyway.”
They walked to the bar, then stood around the crack that Max had pointed out.
“That looks like it,” Max said.
“It looks very crack-like,” 99 agreed.
“Hee-haw!” the mule said.
“Is he agreeing or disagreeing, Max?” 99 asked.
“Agreeing, 99.”
“Are you sure?”
“That’s the nice thing about translating animal talk, 99. You can make it mean anything you want it to mean.” He got down on his knees and put his eye to the crack. “This is it,” he announced.
“Do you see the penny, Max?”
“I see part of it,” Max replied, rising. “I see Coolidge’s eye.”
“His eye, Max?”
“What’s so surprising about that?” Max asked. “A Coolidge-head penny has a head, doesn’t it? And a head has an eye-one at the very least-doesn’t it? And the eye in the head of a Coolidge-head penny would be Coolidge’s, wouldn’t it? I mean, it would be a little odd to find Washington’s or Lincoln’s eye in the head of a Coolidge-head penny. So, why are you so surprised that I saw the eye of Coolidge peering up at me from the head of a Coolidge-head penny?”
“I just sort of thought that if you saw anything, you’d see the whole penny.”
“Mmmmmmm. . come to think of it. .” He shrugged. “Well, I saw somebody’s eye looking back up at me,” he said. “If it isn’t Coolidge’s, I think we better find out whose it is.” He looked around the saloon. “I’ll need something to use to pry up these floor boards,” he said. “Let’s see. . Aha!” He walked over to a chair and picked it up, raised it above his head, then smashed it against the floor. The chair splintered into several parts. “I’ll use this leg,” Max said, picking up a part that had not broken. “It’ll make a dandy lever.”
“Max, you certainly are resourceful,” 99 said admiringly. “I never would have thought of breaking that chair and using a leg to pry with. That was very clever.”
“Your frankness is appreciated, 99,” Max said. “But, actually, it was the most obvious thing to do. Anybody who’s ever seen a western movie knows that these chairs crack up at almost the slightest touch.” He inserted an end of the chair leg into the crack, then put his weight on the other end. There was a splintering sound and the leg snapped in two. “Just as I said-‘crack up at the slightest touch,’ ” Max said. He tossed the broken chair leg aside. “Any other clever ideas, 99?” he asked sarcastically.
“Max, that was-”
“Save it,” Max broke in. “You’ve used up your quota of frankness for today, 99.” He walked over to a table and kicked a leg. The leg broke off. Max picked it up and examined it closely. “I think this will work a little better,” he said. He lifted it over his head and smashed it against the floor. Again, there was a splintering sound. Max had smashed a large hole in the floor. “It just proves that the old adage is right,” he said, returning to where 99 and the mule were standing. “Never send a chair leg to do a table leg’s job.” He put the narrow end of the table leg into the crack, then pried. There was a creaking sound, then the floor board came loose. Max got down on his knees again.
“Is it there, Max?”
“Yes, 99, the eye is still here,” Max replied, rising. He began putting the floor board back in place.
“Wasn’t it the penny, Max?”
“It wasn’t the penny, 99,” Max answered, rising. “Now, let’s see, where shall we look next?”
“Max, what was it you saw? You said you saw an eye, and then you-”
“99, at some time in the long history of this saloon, a lady lost a small hand mirror down that crack. Now, does that answer all your questions sufficiently?”
“You mean it was-”
“Yes, it was my eye!”
“Hee-haw!”
“What did he say, Max?”
“He said it was a natural mistake because, as he recalls, Coolidge had blue eyes, too. Now, are we going to stand around all morning discussing eyes or are we going to look for that Coolidge-head penny?” He moved to a crack near the tables and inserted an end of the table leg and applied leverage. The floor board popped up. Again, Max got down on his knees.
99 and the mule had joined him. “What do you see this time, Max?” 99 asked.
“Something shiny like a penny!”
“It’s it!” 99 cried.
“But I can’t reach it,” Max said. He plunged his whole arm into the hole. “It’s- I don’t know. . I can’t figure it out.” He extracted his arm and stood up. “Look for yourself, 99,” he said.