“I’m glad you thought of that, Max,” the Chief said.
“I’m nothing if not thorough,” Max replied.
The Chief picked up a black satchel that was beside his chair and put it on the desk. “All the information you’ll need is in here,” he said. “I’ve had a ‘fact sheet’ prepared on each of the KAOS installations. It gives the location and a little background on the KAOS man in charge. I think you’ll find the information interesting, and I hope that, as well, you’ll find it helpful.” He opened the black satchel and got out a small plastic bag. It appeared to contain peas. “These pellets are the explosives,” he said. “Your task will be to plant one pellet at each installation.”
“There are a lot of peas there, Chief,” Max said. “Are there that many KAOS installations?”
The Chief shook his head. “No, Max. But I thought you’d better have an extra-large supply. I know how you misplace things.”
“Chief, that’s unfair. What did I ever lose?”
“Remember? On your last case? When the Navy loaned you the aircraft carrier ‘Lexington’?”
“Chief, the ‘Lexington’ is not lost. I still say it will turn up somewhere.”
“Until it does, Max, I think we’d better play it safe. Take all of these pellets with you.”
“What are those other things in the satchel, Chief?” 99 asked, peering over the Chief’s shoulder.
“Oh… these. These are some gadgets cooked up by Research amp; Development,” the Chief replied. “I’m not sure what they are, but the instructions are printed on the labels. They might come in handy.” He closed the satchel and handed it to Max. “Here you are. Guard this with your life.”
“Won’t I be taking a chance, carrying this little black bag?” Max said, accepting the satchel. “Someone is liable to mistake me for a doctor.”
“What harm would that do?”
“Suppose this someone asked me to take out an appendix?”
“Just explain that you don’t have time.”
“Chief! I couldn’t do that. When I received my medical degree, I swore an oath. Through rain, through snow, through dark of night, I swore to heal the sick and deliver the mail.”
“Max, number one, you have your oaths confused. And, number two, carrying a little black bag does not make you a doctor.”
“Sorry, Chief. I guess I got a little carried away.”
“And that’s what you’re going to get again,” the Chief said. “Right now, standing by at the airport, there is a helicopter waiting to carry you away. The helicopter will transport you to each of the KAOS installations.”
“A helicopter, Chief?” 99 said puzzledly. “Are the KAOS installations that close together?”
“No, they’re in widely separated parts of the world,” the Chief replied.
“But… doesn’t a helicopter have a limited range?” 99 said.
“Yes, normally, but-”
“99, I’m surprised,” Max broke in. “Isn’t it obvious? This helicopter can be refueled in mid-air. All around the globe there are refueling planes waiting to gas us up when we start running low. It’s exactly the way I would have planned it if I’d been planning it.”
“That isn’t exactly it, Max,” the Chief said. “You see-”
“Of course I see, Chief,” Max interrupted. “This is an electric helicopter, right? It doesn’t need fuel.”
“Max-an electric helicopter?” 99 said. “But how would-”
“Simple,” Max replied, anticipating the question. “A very, very, very, very, very long cord.”
“No, Max,” the Chief said, shaking his head. “You’re still not right. This is an atom-powered helicopter. It doesn’t use conventional fuel. It can stay aloft almost forever, barring any mechanical malfunctions, of course.”
Max smiled. “That’s a little difficult to believe, Chief.”
“Well, you’ll find out when you get to the airport.”
Max looked hurt. “Chief, I said, ‘That’s a little difficult to believe, Chief.’ ”
“Oh, all right, Max. Then, would you believe that it’s steam-powered and the pilot carries an extra tea kettle?”
“I don’t think so,” Max replied dubiously.
“Then would you believe that it’s water-powered and operates only over waterfalls?”
“That’s a lit-tle closer to it,” Max replied. “But, if you don’t mind, Chief, I’ll wait ’til I get to the airport and get a closer look at it before I decide whether or not you’re telling the truth. You won’t be offended, will you?”
“Not unless I’m subjected to more of this idiotic conversation,” the Chief replied. “Max, will you get going! The fate of Control is hanging in the balance!”
“Chief, I’m on my way,” Max said. “With Max Smart on the job, Control has nothing to fear.”
Max charged across the room, out the doorway, and down the corridor.
The Chief slumped into his chair.
99 inspected her fingernails.
A moment later, Max reappeared.
“Forget something, Max?” the Chief asked.
“Yes, as a matter of fact-”
“Here,” the Chief said, rising and handing him the black satchel.
“Oh, yes, I guess I forgot about that, too,” Max said accepting the bag.
“Was there something-or someone-else, Max?” 99 smiled, joining him.
“Come to think of it, I did forget you, didn’t I?” Max said.
“You mean there’s still something else you forgot?” the Chief asked.
“Yes. That’s why I came back,” Max replied. “I wanted to remind you, Chief. You better do something about that echo in here. Some day, at some crucial moment, it’s liable to cause some confusion.”
“I’ll take care of it, Max,” the Chief sighed, slumping back into his chair.
2
Max and 99 hurried from Control headquarters, then, in Max’s car, raced to the airport. Reaching there, they drove to Control’s private hangar, where, on the apron, the atom-powered helicopter was warming up. The noise of the engine and rotors was deafening.
“Here we are!” Max yelled to 99 over the roar.
“Why would I want a cigar?” 99 hollered back puzzledly.
“You’re right, it wasn’t very far,” Max replied, getting out of the car.
They hurried across the apron to the helicopter. The pilot was in the cockpit, leaning out the window.
“We’re from Control!” Max bellowed up to him.
“Who’s standing in a hole?” the pilot yelled.
Max turned to 99. “He says to get aboard and bring the pole!” he hollered.
99 cupped a hand to her ear. “Stroll where?”
Max shook his head, indicating that he could not hear. Then he and 99 got aboard the helicopter and made their way to the cockpit.
The pilot was a handsome, blond, granite-jawed, steely-eyed young man. He nodded to them perfunctorily.
“We’re all set!” Max shouted.
The pilot shook his head. “I don’t bet!” he yelled back.
Max reached forward and closed the cockpit window, shutting out most of the engine racket. “Now then,” he said, “what pole was it that you wanted us to bring aboard?”
“Pole?” the pilot replied. “I thought you said hole.”
“I thought he said cigar,” 99 put in.
“Maybe we’d better start all over,” Max suggested. He extended a hand. “I’m Max Smart, Agent 86,” he said. “And this,” he added, nodding toward 99, “is 99, Agent 99.”
The pilot took the hand. “Lance Chalfont, silent birdman, here,” he said. “I don’t talk much about myself-that’s why they call me a silent birdman. The way I figure it, if a man is courageous, compassionate and conscientious, he doesn’t have to talk about it-folks’ll notice it. You’ll see. As the hours pass, and you get to admire me more and more, you’ll see that it won’t be because of anything I say, it’ll be because of what I do. Actions speak louder than words. You’ll wonder to yourself, you’ll wonder, ‘I wonder if Lance’d tell me about some of his hair-raisin’ adventures?’ But you won’t get a word out of me. Like that time I saved them pygmies from themselves. Want to hear that?”
Max shook his head. “No, I think we’d better get going.”