“Yeah,” Hymie said. “Boy, are you going to get it!”
“Max!” They’re going to kill us!” 99 cried.
“Now, don’t jump to conclusions,” Max said. “So far, no names have been mentioned. Cross your fingers. They may be thinking about killing some strangers.”
Ways winced. “Strangers! What do you take us for? Animals? Madmen? Psychos? Why should we kill perfect strangers when the joint is crawling with Control agents?”
“Gab, gab, gab!” Hymie said. “Let’s get this over with!”
Means opened the cell door and motioned to Max and 99. “Out!” he said. “You’re wanted in the execution chamber.”
As Max and 99 emerged from the cell, Max suddenly grabbed the guard, and, holding him in front of him, backed off. “Don’t anybody move!” he commanded.
“You think holding that guard in front of you is going to help?” Ways said. “What’s one guard, more or less, to us? We’d shoot right through him and never blink an eye. He’s no good, anyway. He never calls his mother.”
“Before you start shooting, I think you’d better think twice,” Max warned. “It so happens that this guard has swallowed either a plain ordinary aspirin tablet or an explosive so powerful that it could blow up a body of water the size of Lake Ontario. And if I should be forced to throw him to defend myself, we’d soon find out which.”
Ways and Means exchanged looks.
“Should we believe him?” Ways asked.
“Beats me,” Means replied. “I can’t recall that this exact situation has ever come up before.”
“99-come over here!” Max ordered. “We’re going to back out, using this guard as a bluff.”
“He said ‘bluff,’ ” Ways said to Means. “Is that significant, do you think?”
“What does the book say about it?” Means asked.
“Same old thing: If you suspect a bluff, kill somebody.”
Max and 99, keeping the guard in front of them, began backing toward the door.
“Max. . what about Hymie?” 99 said. “We can’t leave him here. Ways and Means will have no more use for him, and they’ll eliminate him. You know what the book says.”
“You’re right, 99.” Max motioned to Hymie. “Come over here and get behind the guard with us,” he ordered. “We’re going to make a break for it.”
Hymie walked toward him. When he reached Max, he struck him across the back of the neck with a karate chop, dropping him to the floor.
“Hymie!” 99 cried, appalled.
“What’d you expect?” Ways asked. “When we brainwash, we brainwash. He’s a KAOS agent from top to toe. Good work, Hymie,” he said. “Get that clown on his feet and let’s proceed with the execution.”
Hymie, with 99’s help, pulled Max to his feet. Max shook his head, trying to clear his vision. He looked around. “Apparently it was an aspirin tablet, not an explosive,” he said. “It didn’t do much damage, did it?”
Ways and Means and Hymie took Max and 99 to the execution chamber, a small room that was outfitted with a number of plain-looking wooden chairs and a filing cabinet.
“Look under ‘P’ in the filing cabinet and you’ll find a can of gasoline,” Ways said to Hymie.
“Under ‘P’?” Max asked.
“For petrol,” Ways explained. “We run a classy joint.”
“Oh.”
“I have the gasoline,” Hymie said, returning from the filing cabinet. “What now?”
“Pour it over him and her,” Ways replied, indicating Max and 99, “and then over yourself.”
Hymie doused Max and 99 with the gasoline, then dumped what was left in the container on himself.
“That’s curious,” Max said to 99. “I can understand pouring the gasoline over us. But why over Hymie?”
“Maybe they just didn’t want to have any left over,” 99 guessed. “It’s possible that it gets stale after the can is opened. I really don’t know too much about gasoline, Max.”
“I suppose we’ll find out, sooner or later,” Max shrugged.
“Now, look under ‘Y’ in the filing cabinet and you’ll find some gelatine capsules containing poisonous spiders,” Ways said to Hymie. “Bring three.”
“Under ‘Y’?” Max asked.
“ ‘Y’ for ‘Yiiiiiii!’ ” Ways explained. “Whenever I see a poisonous spider, I scream, ‘Yiiiiiiii!’ ”
Max nodded. “That’s makes a lot of sense.”
Hymie returned from the filing cabinet with the three capsules of poisonous spiders.
“Yiiiiiii!” Ways screamed.
“Put one in his pocket and one in her pocket and one in your own pocket,” Means said to Hymie.
Hymie started to put a capsule in Ways’ pocket.
“Not him!” Means snapped. “In the clown’s pocket, I meant.”
Hymie placed a capsule in Max’s pocket, then in 99’s pocket, then in his own.
“Good, good,” Ways beamed. “I guess you can’t miss when you stick to the book. Now,” he said, “everybody except Means and me will take a seat.”
Hymie picked up a chair and started toward the door with it.
“Stop!” Means commanded.
Hymie halted.
“Bring back the chair.”
Hymie returned, and placed the chair beside the others.
“It’s going to be nice not having him with us much longer,” Means said to Ways.
“Did you hear that, 99?” Max said. “I’m beginning to suspect that you and I are not the only ones who are going to fall victim to Rule No. 1.”
“Be seated!” Ways ordered.
Max and 99 sat down, then Ways had Hymie strap them to the chairs. When he had finished, Ways said to Hymie, “Now, you. Strap yourself into a chair, too.”
Hymie appeared to be thinking.
“Well?” Ways said irritably.
“I don’t like to be a trouble-maker,” Hymie said. “But. . could you explain to me exactly what we’re doing here?”
“You haven’t figured it out?” Ways replied, astounded. “By now,” he said, “I’ll bet even that one’s guessed.” He pointed to Max.
“Well,” Max said, “if the truth were-”
“I’ll explain,” Ways said gruffly. “You see those chairs? Those are electric chairs. Only they’ve got a short. When the juice is turned on, the chairs will short, causing a spark. The spark will set the gasoline on fire. The heat of the fire will melt the gelatin capsules, releasing the poisonous spiders. The spiders will bite, and. . and Zonk!”
“Zonk?” Max asked.
“I don’t like to say ‘die’ or ‘dead’ or anything like that,” Ways explained. “It depresses me.”
“I understand that part,” Hymie said. “The part I don’t understand is where I doused myself with gasoline and put a spider capsule in my pocket and now you want me to strap myself into an electric chair.”
“Yes, that puzzles me a little bit, too,” Max frowned.
“Hymie, I’ll tell you the truth,” Means said. “On the outside, you’re a KAOS agent, but down deep inside, you’re still on the side of Control. Brainwashing is not perfect. We can’t trust you. Any minute, you might turn on us. So, for our own sakes, we have to eliminate you. Now, clear?”
“I think I get it,” Max said.
“How about you, Hymie?” Means asked.
“I’m only a robot,” Hymie replied. “I find it difficult to understand the human thinking process sometimes. Could you draw me a diagram?”
Ways turned to Means. “How are we on time?” he asked.
“There’s always time for a last request,” Means replied. “What are we? Animals? Psychos?” He went to the filing cabinet, and from the ‘H’ drawer got a piece of chalk.
“ ‘H’?” Max asked.
“For hopscotch,” Means answered. “Ever draw a hopscotch diagram on the sidewalk? What’d you use?”
“Chalk,” Max nodded.
Means got down on his knees and drew a diagram on the floor. “There,” he said to Hymie. “Understand now?”
“I already knew how to play hopscotch,” Hymie replied. “What I wanted was a diagram of your plan.”
“Coming up,” Means said. He began drawing again.
Hymie moved closer. Then all of a sudden he dropped Means with a karate chop.
“Was that in the diagram?” Ways asked.
Hymie replied by dropping Ways with a karate chop.