“Will it be safe to leave now, Max?” 99 asked.
“Safe, yes. But not easy,” Max replied. “We have to take that refrigerator with us.”
They moved on to the laboratory. Number One was still clicking away, turning out one love poem after another.
“She’s sure hooked on some guy,” Max said. He looked around the lab. “I wonder if it’s somebody here? That’s a nice looking electric typewriter over there,” he said. “Do you suppose?”
“Too bad for her if he’s the one,” Means said. “His ‘e’ key sticks.”
“You’re right,” Max said. “It would be a tragedy. That’s the way it always starts-with an ‘e’ key. Then it’s a ‘u’ key, then a ‘b’ key, then the magic margin goes on the blink. Six months, and she’d be supporting him.” He glared at the typewriter. “He looks like the type, too,” he said.
“Max, how are we going to get her out of here?” 99 asked.
“That’s easy enough, 99. We have both the Ways and Means.”
Struggling, Ways and Means carried Number One from the laboratory, then, ducking, through the corridor. When they reached the pool, they halted.
“You got her in,” Max said, “so there should be no reason why you can’t get her out.”
“Pushing a refrigerator into a pool is one thing, but pushing a refrigerator out of a pool is something else,” Means said.
Max nodded agreement. “This requires some calculation,” he said. “We’re lucky we have a computer with us.”
Max typed out the problem on Number One’s keyboard, then waited for the solution. A second later, Number One responded with a tape.
Max read:
I’d climb the highest mountain,
I’d swim the deepest river.
I’d stack a pile of lumber, dear,
Even if, in my finger, I got a sliver.
All for you!
I’d cross the burning desert,
I’d leap the broadest gorge.
I’d hammer out a horseshoe, dear,
Even if my finger I scorched on the forge.
All for you!
“Well, there’s the answer,” Max said. “But I think it must be in code.”
“That’s only another love poem, Max,” 99 said.
“Oh. I didn’t recognize it.”
“Max, we can’t depend on Number One,” 99 said. “She’s too much in love to think. We’ll have to work this out ourselves.”
Max studied the situation a moment, then said, “I think I have it, 99.”
He swam out into the pool, found the cover to the drain, and removed it. The water level began descending. When all the water had drained out, a half-dozen or so guests remained in the pool, swimming on the bottom.
“Anything they do here, they enjoy it,” Ways said.
“Then they’ll be ecstatic over what I have in mind for them,” Max said.
With the aid of the guests, who formed themselves into a human freight elevator, Number One was raised out of the pool. Then the car that Max had rented was brought around and she was loaded on top.
“All right, everybody into the car,” Max said. “We’re off to Washington!”
“Max. .”
“I know, 99-we’ll be a little crowded. But it’s only a three or four day trip. And the scenery will be nice. And we’ll be good company for each other-we have a lot in common; we’re all in the same business.”
“Max, couldn’t we call the Chief and have him send a plane for us?”
“You forget, 99-my line is busy.”
“You could use the ranch phone, Max.”
Max shook his head in disgust. “99, that’s a very good idea,” he said. “It’s just too bad that you suggested it. Thinking like that could cost you your job, you know. It’s very poor politics, 99, to have better ideas than the man in charge.”
“Sorry about that, Max,” 99 said contritely.
Max was in a cheery mood a few days later as he approached the Chief’s office. The mission had been completed successfully-Ways and Means were behind bars, Hymie was being de-brainwashed, and Number One had been rescued-and, after checking in, he intended to begin a two-week vacation, which, as he saw it, he amply deserved.
Max halted at the door and knocked.
“Give the password,” a voice replied from inside.
“It’s me, Chief,” Max said.
“Enter.”
Max opened the door and stepped into the office. 99 was there, too, seated beside the Chief’s desk.
“I’m sorry I forgot the password, Chief,” Max said.
“You didn’t, Max. That was it.”
“What was it?”
“ ‘It’s me’-that’s the password.”
“Oh. Well, then, I guess I didn’t forget it.” He nodded to 99. “Still sore?” he asked.
“Are you angry at Max, 99?” the Chief asked.
“He doesn’t mean sore that way,” 99 replied. “He means physically sore. That was a long car trip, Chief. And we were so crowded.”
“Oh. . that,” the Chief said. “I’m sorry I didn’t have a plane available. But you probably saw a lot of nice scenery.”
“And exchanged a lot of shop talk,” Max added. “Chief, do you know that at KAOS they’re giving trading stamps? They get fifty stamps for every Control agent eliminated, and a hundred stamps for every mission completed successfully. We ought to have that here at Control. It would be a great incentive.”
“Max, the fact that you’re doing a good job, and doing it for a good cause, ought to be enough,” the Chief said.
“Of course, that helps,” Max admitted. “But, on the other hand, do you know what you can get for a hundred and fifty trading stamps? You can get a rain cover for your sandbox.”
“That’s fine, Max, but-”
“I think we’d all work a little bit harder if we knew, while we were out on a case, we weren’t getting rain in our sandboxes,” Max said.
“I know, Max, but-”
“Nobody likes to come home to soggy sand.”
“All right, Max. The next time I talk to HIM, I’ll suggest that Control start giving trading stamps.”
“Have you talked to HIM lately, Chief? Did you tell him how I stepped into the breech when Hymie was incapable of carrying on as a leader?”
“Max, that wasn’t Hymie’s fault,” 99 said. “He was brainwashed. He didn’t know what he was doing.”
“I realize that, 99.”
“It wouldn’t be fair to mention it to HIM-since it wasn’t Hymie’s fault,” the Chief said.
“Fair? I’m talking about politics, Chief.”
“Even so, Max, I don’t think-”
There was a knock at the door.
“Give the password,” the Chief called out.
“It’s me, Hymie,” a voice replied.
“Enter.”
The door opened and Hymie stepped in. The evil KAOS look was gone from his expression. “Reporting for duty, Chief,” he said.
“Chief, doesn’t Hymie get a two week vacation, too?” Max asked. “I realize that his bungling nearly lost us the case, but it isn’t fair to hold that against him. He’s only a machine.”
“Max, being a machine, he doesn’t need a two week vacation,” the Chief said.
“I just needed a brainwashing, Max,” Hymie said.
Max shook his head. “No, Hymie. A brainwashing was what you had. What you needed was an unbrainwashing.”
“No, Max-Hymie is right,” the Chief said. “Unbrainwashing is very difficult. Brainwashing, on the other hand, is fairly simple. So, our scientists simply brainwashed him into thinking he was a Control agent.”
Max turned to Hymie. “Isn’t that a little confusing for you?” he asked.
“I do have a slight headache,” Hymie replied. “But I’m told it will pass.”
Max dug into his pocket. “Have an aspirin or an explosive powerful enough to blow up a body of water the size of Lake Ontario,” he said, offering a tablet to Hymie.
“Max, I-” the Chief began.
But at that moment his phone rang.
The Chief picked up the receiver and identified himself, then, covering the mouthpiece, whispered to Max, 99 and Hymie. “It’s HIM,” he said.
“Mention the trading stamps idea,” Max suggested.
HIM and the Chief had a lengthy conversation. The longer they talked, the more worried the Chief appeared to be. Finally, the talk ended. The Chief looked quite disturbed.