“What’s wrong?”
I shake my head.
“Come on. You know I won’t let it go until you tell me.”
He won’t and I want to end this part of the conversation as quickly as I can. “The kings and queens of Hillcrest High. I just…I don’t want to see them.”
Like always, he knows the perfect thing to say. “Fuck ‘em. They look like idiots anyway.”
He’s right. Billy keeps trying to grab Queen Cheerleader’s butt. Patrick is watching his moves and trying to photo copy them with someone else. They’re stumbling around like a bunch of losers. Somehow, our hands have come unlatched, but this time, it’s me who grabs his. “Come on. We’re next.”
Once we’re taking the rounds on the Ferris Wheel, I completely forget about anything but Tegan and this night. His arm is around me. Me, as we go round and
round, taking in the sites of the fair and all the people below. Running the risk of sounding like a total girlie-girl, it’s perfect.
“My parents used to love the fair. They brought us a lot when we were younger.”
His words surprise me. It’s the first time he’s brought up more than his mom or Tim. “Can I ask, where he is? If you don’t want to answer, that’s okay.” I hope my words don’t ruin our night. We’ve tried to steer clear of the bad stuff.
“Typical thing.” His grip on me tightens. “Didn’t want to deal with his responsibilities so he left.”
So many pieces of Tegan start to fall into place. Why he’s so fiercely loyal and protective of his family. He won’t let them get hurt again, even if that means doing everything he can for them rather than himself.
But no apologies. “Sucks.”
He gives me another squeeze. This one seems to say, thank you.
Too soon it’s over and we’re getting out of the ride. I don’t even know if Billy and his gang are still here because I don’t take the time to look. The fairgrounds are emptying out, the rides closing down and we’re walking hand in hand to his car.
When we get there, I try to open the passenger door, but Tegan stops me. It’s a replay of our moment by the bears.
My hands are shaking as Tegan steps so very close to me. I’m probably the only almost-eighteen-year-old girl in the world who has never kissed a boy. I wonder
will I be different. After the next minute, if my life will shift from before kiss to after kiss.
His hand is in my hair again, but this time, he’s not just putting it behind my ear. He’s threading his fingers through it like he does with our hands. His palm’s buried deep, resting on the back of my neck.
Yes, I think this kiss will definitely make my life different.
Even though it’s dark there’s a streetlight making it so I can see him. Who the heck knows what else is around us, cars, people, an atomic bomb. All I know is us.
“I like you, Annabel Lee.” I’m boxed in between Tegan and his car. His chest touches me.
“Why?” I ask.
“Because you’re pretty…funny…smart…sarcastic... and you get it. Get me. Get my family.”
I don’t even doubt his words. How can I doubt anything he says?
“Can I tell you a secret?” he asks.
I nod.
“I knew there was something different about you from the beginning. Even if I didn’t come out there to get you that first day, you would have made it in. I admire that, ya know? That you won’t let anything get you down. That you keep pushing through. Just like me.”
I want to tell him it’s a lie. That I’m not strong at all and I’m scared to death to fail, but it feels good to have him believe in me. For him to see something in me no one else does. And again, how can I not believe his words? The way he speaks them, how they tickle my skin and seep inside, fuels me. I am determined and I can do anything.
I can’t help it, I lick my lips.
Tegan’s face is slowly, way too slowly coming toward mine. “This time, I’m really going to kiss you so if you don’t want me to, you better stop me now.”
“Stop? You must be crazy.”
“That’s even better than your last compliment.”
Oh my God. Did I say that out loud? And then it doesn’t matter because his lips are on mine. They’re just as soft as they look, but strong too. Or maybe the kiss is just strong, eager, because it’s all I feel or know. It’s like I’m drowning in him.
When his tongue comes out and teases the seam of my lips, I’m done for. Sunken like a ship to the bottom of the ocean. It’s weird how I know what to do, like
I’ve done this so many times before. My mouth opens, our tongues meeting, first tentatively and then with the eager need again. I taste the mint. Smell the soap and ocean. Shiver when the hand in my hair pulls me closer to him.
In and out. Give and take, our tongues do a dance that’s foreign and familiar at the same time. When his other hand touches my waist, my arms wrap around his
neck. I want him closer. Closer than anyone has ever been to me. And he is, but then after one, two gentle, tongueless kisses on my lips, he’s pulling away.
Tegan’s forehead drops forward so it’s resting against mine. “Why did that take us so long?”
***
It’s been a few days since our first kiss. I say first because …we’ve done it a lot since then. I’m always awkward and nervous, but the second his lips touch mine,
everything else melts away. And I was right. There is definitely a switch from life before kiss and after. Needless to say, life after kiss is made of awesome, even though my head is still a little foggy that the whole thing is happening. That this gorgeous, sexy boy likes kissing me. That he likes spending time with me.
It’s like winning the lotto. One of those things that would be cool if it happened, but you never really think it will and then bam! Your whole life changes.
The thing is, it’s not just because he’s a pretty face either. If that was all, I wouldn’t care. I wouldn’t want him.
Which I do.
A lot.
But in typical boy fashion, aside from kissing and hand holding, I have no idea if I have him. Are we dating? Is he my boyfriend? Am I the secret girl he likes to lock lips with in private? All these questions circle around in my brain creating a tornado so strong I’m surprised the National Tornado Center doesn’t issue an all-points bulletin.
Yes, I’m going that crazy.
Today is a gym day so we didn’t jog this morning. Oh, and it also happens to be my weigh in day too. It’s weird because I’m not even nervous. Don’t get me
wrong, I’m hoping I’ve made some serious progress, but compared to the Tegan Limbo I’m in, I don’t have the energy to drive myself crazy, wondering what the
number will say, or what he’ll think about it.
When I get there, Tegan’s waiting for me like always. There’s been no kissing on Let’s Get Physical premises. I’m not sure if it’s because he’s embarrassed of me, or because making out with your client probably isn’t the most professional thing in the world.
“Hey.” Tegan gives me that playful smile of his, one I’m hoping is my smile.
“Hey.” He holds the door open for me. This time I walk back to his cubby first, without having to be dragged there.
“Alright, are you ready for this? It’s going to be good. I know it. So don’t stress, k?” He’s standing in front of me in the black shirt with neon green lettering that reads, ‘Let’s Get Physical’.
“Actually, I’m not…” The extra walk I went on this week pops into my head. The time we spend jogging. The chances I had to cheat while eating and didn’t. I’ve
worked hard. He’s made me work hard and no matter what the numbers say, I’m trying to make myself focus on that.
“Good. Let’s measure you first.” I fight a shiver when Tegan’s finger brushes over my arm longer than necessary as he measures. I don’t ask the numbers or look