“Annabel, I have my first game tonight.” Tim wheels closer to me. “It’s a real game too. Not just practice. You should come and check out all my new skills.”
“I…” Would love nothing more than to go to his game. To watch him play, talk to Dana. I miss them so much. Bubbles of excitement fizz inside me, but then I
realize it’s Tim’s first game. Nothing would keep Tegan away from that. I can’t just show up there, the ex-girlfriend budging in on his family time. “I’d love to, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”
Dana grabs my hand. “Annabel, we’d love to have you. I’m sure all of us would love to have you.”
Biting my lip, I look down at our joined hands. I’m not so sure of that. If that was the case, then why wouldn’t he have called me in all this time? Sure we broke up, but we could have been friends. All of a sudden, I’m mad at him. Why can’t we be friends? Why did he completely cut me off? It’s not as if we broke up on bad terms—I guess any break up is bad, but it’s not like we were angry. Unless there’s something on his side I don’t know about.
“Come on, Annabel. Please?” Tim gives me eyes. I recognize them, big, pleading and dark brown. Some girl is going to be in trouble one of these days because
he knows how to work them just as well as his brother does.
His brother who isn’t going to keep me from enjoying Tim’s game. I shouldn’t be scared to see him. If he’s angry, oh well. There are a few things I’d like to say to him anyway. “You know what? I’d love to come and see your game tonight. What time should I be there?”
***
Wow, this idea felt much better this afternoon than it does now. My heart is thudding as hard as the basketball does when it hits the pavement. But I’m here.
That’s all that matters. If I see him, I do, if I don’t, I don’t. I wave at Tim while I walk around the court. When I get to the bleachers, I spot Dana sitting in the bottom row. Alone.
He didn’t come. At first, I’m hurt and then—well, then I’m pissed. How can he miss his brother’s game just because I’m here? The Tegan I know wouldn’t do
this. “Hi.” I sit down next to her. “He’s not here.” We both know who he is.
“No he’s not. I’m not sure why. He’s supposed to be.”
She may not be sure, but I am. He’s not here because he knows I am. A cry threatens to crawl up my throat, but I block it out. “I should go…”
Dana shakes her head. “Why?”
I feel bad that she has to do this. That she has to lie to me so she doesn’t hurt my feelings. That one son has to miss her other son’s game because I’m here. “I just think it’s better.” I did what I came to do. I can be proud of that. I risked seeing him, but I’m not going to come between him and his family.
“Sweetie,” she grabs my hand. “I don’t know what happen with you guys, but I have a few good guesses. This doesn’t excuse him, but his heart was in the right
place. And he’s hurting too.”
She lets go of my hand when her cell phone rings. “Hold on a second. Let me get this, but you don’t go anywhere, young lady.” She winks at me, then walks
away to talk on her phone. I watch her pace back and forth, just out of earshot, talking animatedly to whoever is on the phone. Is it Tegan? Do I care? I shouldn’t, but I do. I know I don’t need him, but I do still love him and somewhere inside me there’s the girl who couldn’t wait to see him today.
Before I can think about it much longer, Dana is back. “You’re right. I think you should go, sweetie.”
My chest hurts. My heart breaks. It sucks. It’s painful and I hate it, but that’s life, right? We all lose people and all you can do is move on, no matter how much you wish you didn’t have to. “Will we still see each other?” I ask, hugging her.
“We will see a lot of each other. You’re stuck with me now, kiddo. I always wanted a daughter.”
A few tears leak out of my eyes and I hug her tighter. Before I lose it completely, I stand up. “I’ll see you soon then.”
“You’re going home, right?”
I nod, wondering why she’s asking. After another wave to Tim—one where I can tell he’s confused as to where I’m going—I leave the building, get in my car
and drive home.
***
The second I pull onto my street, I see it. See him, leaning against his old, beat-up car like he’s done so many other times. Only now he’s on my street. He’s at my house. My heart accelerates along with my car. Calm down, Annabel. You don’t know why he’s here. And I’m not happy with him. In fact—I slam my car into park
and get out.
“What do you think you’re doing missing your brother’s game?! He was so excited and you know he wants you there. I know you want to be there! How could
you not go just because you knew I would be there?” It’s only the beginning of what I want to say to him.
Tegan pretends to duck for cover. “You’re not going to hit me again, are you?”
I bite my tongue to keep from laughing. Ugh. I missed him. I missed him way too much. “This isn’t the time to joke, Gym Boy.”
“I know.” He looks totally serious. The smile gone, his body tense as he no longer leans against his car, but stands up straight. Then, he hands me a piece of
paper.
“I…”
“Just open it.”
“I…”
“Please?”
“Only because you asked nicely.”
He doesn’t smile when he says, “Thank you.”
Slowly, I unfold the paper. It’s a college form. His college form, where he can declare his major. The box that’s checked reads, “undeclared”.
My hands start to shake. I’m not sure what to think. “You’re not going to be a physical therapist?”
He shrugs. “Maybe. Maybe not. I’m not sure. I figure I don’t have to decide right now. I can take classes, take some time, to see what I want to do. It’s a big
decision, you know.”
Joy and hope spread through my body, warming me. He deserves to be happy.
“This past six weeks have killed me, Annabel Lee. I missed you so much, but I was so pissed. First at you because I loved you so much, but I couldn’t have you.
Then at me because I realized—”
“You couldn’t have me?” Six weeks of pain, questions, anger explode from me. Things I should have said that last day, but was too scared. “You had me, Tegan
and you threw me away! And why? You know I love your family. I would have understood anything you needed to do with them.”
“I know.” He stands there, waiting for whatever I throw at him.
“You hurt me, Tegan. More than anyone in my life because I trusted you more than anyone else.” I don’t know where it comes from, but I poke his chest with my
finger. “And you threw that away. The first time something bad happened, you left me, just like—”
“My dad.” His eyes fall closed and he lets out a deep breath, before opening them again. “I did exactly what my dad did. When I didn’t know how to handle
something, I ran.”
Oh. I hadn’t expected him to see it. “I thought I had to be everything for them. That letting myself have something for me meant I wasn’t giving them what they
deserved.”
My hands are wigging out so much, I don’t know what to do with them, so I shove them in my pockets. “You’re only human, Tegan. You’re nineteen years-old!
It’s okay to love them, but you can’t dedicate your life to them.”
“You’re right…I can’t and they don’t need me to anyway. I don’t know why I didn’t see it, but I see it now.”
Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump. I try to focus on slowing my heart, but I can only focus on him.
“I… I went and saw my dad. Told him how I felt about him. I talked to Mom and she told me how much of a conceited, big head I am. Timmy called me a
dumbass and Mom didn’t even tell him to watch his mouth. I needed to get over myself. Stop feeling sorry for me, for them. Stop thinking I could handle everything, because I couldn’t and I don’t want to. Why was it my job to save them? Be there for them? Yeah. Save them? No. They’re not even the ones who needed it. It was