– No, not dangerous, Axel reassured her. – Not as long as you come back down to earth again.
37
BIE STAYED DOWN in the hall talking to the birthday boy as the hostess led Axel up the plushly carpeted staircase. As soon as he entered the large room, he caught sight of Ingrid Brodahl and her husband. They were standing alone over by the fireplace, while the other guests were gathered in groups. Ingrid Brodahl, who had clung to his arm, screaming. Images from the night of the accident rose up again. And the feeling of helplessness he didn’t know how to deal with. His first thought when he saw them standing there was to turn and go out again, out to the car, drive off somewhere. After the funeral, he had held his hand out to her in the middle of a stream of people offering their condolences. Her features were drawn and strained, but when she realised it was his hand she was shaking she had broken down and her husband had to lead her away. If he spoke to her at this gathering, it might prove too much for her again. Maybe she would always think of him as someone who arrived in the middle of the night bringing news of death.
He stood beside her. Only now did she recognise him. She didn’t release his hand as they greeted each other. She looked at him with a glazed stare, saying nothing, but she didn’t start to cry. She’s boxed it in, he thought.
Axel stood in the darkness at the end of the terrace. The living-room door behind him was ajar, and from within he heard the sounds of Caribbean rhythms. Usually he didn’t see much of Bie at parties; neither of them minded letting go of the other for a while. But this evening she had stayed close the whole time. Insisted on dancing with him, held him tight, kissed him with such intensity that they must have looked like a couple who had just fallen in love. He’d danced a few dances with her, cheek to cheek, before withdrawing. Is something going on, Axel? she had asked. He had been about to say, Something is going on, Bie, and I don’t know if I can stop it. But he had shaken his head, and she stroked his neck and told him she understood that he was tired. Stood on tiptoe and whispered in his ear that as far as she was concerned they could go home early.
He took a deep drink from his cognac glass, let it wash around in his mouth. The terrace wasn’t west-facing like their own, but faced north, and he could see over to the city on the far side of the fjord. The castle, the town hall, a little to the right Carl Berners Place and then Rodeløkka. He didn’t think Miriam was home. She’d said something about going away for the weekend. The relief of knowing she wasn’t there, that she’d gone somewhere he couldn’t get in touch with her. If he never met her again, how long would it take before he stopped seeing her face in his mind’s eye? This was how he must be now: completely passive, not doing anything until she had faded away and it was over.
The sky above him was as clear as dark glass. He found the Twins, then moved slowly on towards the Charioteer and Perseus, holding the head of the Medusa with her evil eye. In the days after her birthday party he’d had to explain repeatedly to Marlen that the star named Algol seemed to pulsate because there were actually two stars that shadowed each other in turn. That had helped. At least she dared to look up into the night sky again. A week ago she’d written a story that she read out to him. About an astronaut who was shot up into space and came close to the terrible double star Algol, the Medusa’s eye. He never returned. He had been turned into stone that swirled and circled around up there, away in the outer darkness. Stories too could circle and shadow each other, Axel thought when she had finished reading.
He emptied what was left of the cognac. Thought of something he had seen in a newspaper. An investigation carried out among Italian men. The unfaithful ones were also those who scored highest on the scale of how good they were as family men. The interpretation of this was that feelings of guilt brought out the best in them as fathers. He reached into his pocket, pulled out his mobile phone. Are you sleeping? he texted.
As he was sending the message, he heard footsteps on the terrace. When he turned, he saw Ingrid Brodahl standing there. At table they had been seated apart from each other, but he had seen her looking at him several times, and he guessed that she would approach at some point in the evening. Now she was standing there, glass in hand and with a small bag dangling from her arm.
– I saw you come out here, she said.
Her dress glinted in the light from the room when she moved.
– I needed some fresh air, he answered. – Are you back at work?
She had a senior post in a government ministry, he recalled. Possibly the Ministry of Culture.
– I start back on Monday. I don’t even have the energy to dread it. Everything seems so remote and distant. Even being here.
She kept her eyes fixed on him.
– I didn’t get the chance to say this earlier, I suppose I was a little taken aback, but… Thank you for coming.
He presumed she meant the funeral, muttered something about well of course, he had to.
– That night, she continued in a dull monotone. – I realise you could have left it to someone else to come to our house. I can’t be grateful for anything. But I do want you to know. It was good that it was you who came.
He looked at her. There had always been something unapproachable about Ingrid Brodahl, he thought. An ironic tone that kept her surroundings at a distance. Now it was as if the world had collapsed on her and torn everything loose with it.
She laid a hand on his arm.
– When you found her. How was she lying?
He took a deep breath, felt the same helplessness as he had done that night.
– Lise… she added, almost inaudibly.
Suddenly he started to talk, describing how he hadn’t found her in the car and had walked back along the roadside ditch to search. At first it looked as if she was asleep. Ingrid Brodahl tightened her grip on his wrist, and for a moment he was afraid she might lose control. She opened her bag, took out a handkerchief, stood there with it pressed against her nose.
His phone vibrated in his jacket pocket.
– I’ll come over one day soon, he said. – We’ll talk more about it. If you’d like that.
Without looking up she said: – I’m glad there are people like you. That’s probably the reason everything will carry on again. One day.
In the back of the taxi, Bie snuggled up with her head resting on his chest. He put his arm around her, kissed her on the forehead. Her hair smelt of roses and smoke. He stroked her cheek, traced the outline of her lips with a finger. She took it in her mouth and bit it.
– How tired are you actually, Dr Glenne? she asked, undoing a couple of his shirt buttons, slipping a hand in to his bare chest.
– I’m already asleep.
The hand glided down over his stomach and inside the waistband of his trousers.
– Oops. That doesn’t appear to be the case with every part of you.
– No, he had to admit. – Some parts just get up and lie down whenever it suits them, no matter how firm I try to be with them.
– Disobedience like that must be punished, she purred.
They had the house to themselves. He got undressed and sat by the little table in the corner of the bedroom, a cognac glass in his hand. Picked up the remote control and turned on some piano music she had left in the player. She came in from the bathroom and stood in front of him. Had left the transparent G-string on.
– When did you start shaving yourself? he wanted to know, still controlling himself.
She raised her chin dismissively, and the movement seemed to release something in him. Suddenly he was on his feet, grabbing hold of her and pulling her over to the bed. They had a pair of handcuffs somewhere; it was a while since they’d used them and he wasn’t sure where they were. Instead he snatched up his silk tie and tightened it around her wrists, fastening the other end to the bedpost. As he fiercely pulled her legs apart, she turned and bit him on the shoulder.