“So you can rappel off of them. Crazy.”
“There are some things that are so beautiful that you can only see them if you climb to the top of a mountain. Or jump off a cliff.”
There’s that positivity, just pulling me to him like a magnet. All of his hope and lightheartedness and kindness of spirit are combining with his beautiful face and body to be the absolute death of me. I wish I could give in to it for good, to see where this could go. But I’ve known him for less than a week. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s easy to make people see what you want them to see when you only have to do it for a little while. How can I know if I’m seeing the real him?
I look up into his eyes, steely blue and focused right on me. “I can’t imagine what that would be.”
A small grin pulls at his lips, drawing my gaze there, and god, I really want to put my mouth on his. I want to get lost in the feel of his stubble against my cheek, and his hands cradling the back of my head as he kisses me. But I’m scared to do that, because I know that a kiss will be more than a kiss between him and me.
“Speaking of jumping,” I say, desperate to change the subject. My voice is a little hazy, but I reach over and grab my laptop, flipping open the screen while I give myself a few seconds to regroup. “I want to show you something.” I open the Rocky Mountain Rec logos I drafted earlier, and line them up on my screen so he can see all of them at once. “I’ve been thinking about this ever since our conversation last night. I hope you don’t mind.”
I tilt the laptop so that Nate can see the screen, and the look on his face is indescribable. Part happiness, part shock, part something else that I can’t quite identify. Maybe it’s got something to do with my show of support when his own father isn’t really keen on the idea of him and his friend starting their own business. Maybe it’s just nice for him to know that someone’s behind him. Either way, I like his smile. I like the way the laptop brightens his face.
“You designed these?” Nate asks, his voice incredulous as he leans down to get a closer look at the screen.
“Yeah. I just got a few ideas in my head and I went with them. You don’t have to use them or anything, but I thought-”
“Callie.” He interrupts me, his voice so soft. He puts his hand on top of mine and gives it a squeeze, and the warmth of his skin makes my eyelids flutter. “Thank you.”
I smile. “You’re welcome.”
He takes a while to study each one, and when he lets go of my hand, I miss the feel of him immediately. “See,” he says, pointing to the first of the four designs I showed him. “This is a groundbreaking font choice.”
I let out a genuine laugh, my head tilting back to rest against his bed. “Thanks.”
He turns to me, his eyes hooded. He licks his perfect lips, and he’s looking at me like he wants to kiss me. I’m looking at him like I want him to, I know it. But for whatever reason, I shy away. Stupid brain. Stupid broken heart.
“I should probably go,” I whisper. “It’s getting late.”
Nate presses his lips together in a thin line, then inhales a deep breath through his nose. He closes my laptop and reluctantly hands it to me. I take it and stand.
“Thank you,” he says, his voice tight.
I nod, smiling.
I walk down the hallway feeling like I left a piece of myself back there in his room. Only an hour ago I had decided to stop thinking so much and just let myself have a little fun. Then he had to go and talk about girlfriends and commitment, and I talked myself right back into denying him. Why can’t I just let him kiss me? It’s a kiss, it feels good. What’s so wrong with feeling good? I reach up and touch my lips, remembering the heat of his mouth that night in the hotel room. I want to feel that heat again. What am I doing? Why do I keep letting myself walk away from him when I just want to…I want…
A kiss. Just one kiss.
Before I can talk myself out of it, I put my laptop on my bed and run my fingers through my hair. I retrace the steps I just took, back to Nate’s room, where the door is still open. He’s standing beside his bed, leaning over and pulling back the sheets. He stills the second I reach the doorway, like he can feel my presence. Maybe he’s as attuned to me as I am to him.
When his eyes meet mine, I’m drawn across the room like I’m on autopilot, like I don’t have any choice in the matter. And then I’m right in front of him, and he’s looking at me like he can see through all of my fears and all of my excuses. Like he sees right down into the heart of me. And the thing is, I can’t look away. The light hits his eyes in a way that makes them so blue. His pupils are rimmed in a darker color, and I think his eyes are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life.
Without thinking, I reach up and skim my fingers across his brow bone and down his temple to his cheeks. His eyelids flutter shut and he licks his lips and my heart his pounding so hard that I know he must be able to feel it through my fingertips. He turns his head a little, and his quickening breaths slip across my wrist, and then those gorgeous eyes are on mine again. My fingers slip back along the column of his neck as my other hand slides up his chest and around his shoulder. I pull myself up onto my tiptoes and press my lips against his before I lose my nerve. Instantly, one of Nate’s hands makes its way along my waist, coming to rest on the small of my back, pulling me against his body. The other threads into my hair, cradling my head as my knees turn to jelly.
Kissing him feels as easy and necessary as breathing. He tastes like I remember, his tongue so perfect against mine, and he makes these soft noises as we move together that I want to keep for the rest of my life. I want to be the only one who ever gets to hear them.
We kiss like we’re never going to stop, for minutes or maybe hours. However long it is it’s not enough, and when we finally part, I feel lost. Nate presses his forehead against mine, and I trace his neck and shoulders with my fingers. He closes his eyes and sighs, then crooks his finger beneath my chin and lifts my head until our lips meet again in a slower, more tender kiss.
When we break apart this time, I slide my hands down his arms, letting our fingers tangle together before I pull away. I want more, but if I’m going to allow myself to have this until we leave, I need to know that I can control it. I need to know that this can be on my own terms.
“Callie,” Nate whispers.
There are so many things I want to say to him, want to do with him. I promised myself one kiss, but I took two.
“Goodnight,” I say quietly, offering him a smile. It’s a genuine one, full of all the things I can’t say.
It takes everything I have in me to walk out the door.
THE WRIGHTS’ backyard is decorated with colorful hanging lanterns; blue, red, purple and yellow globes casting soft light across the yard as they dangle from wires stretched between trees. The rest of the very small bridal party arrived earlier this afternoon, and Amy is celebrating all of us finally being in one place by throwing a pre-rehearsal dinner dinner. We’ve kind of naturally gravitated into two groups, divided by sex. Gabby and I are sitting with two of our dearest friends, both of whom are here to be bridesmaids in the wedding. There’s Jasmine, with her ebony skin and long, sleek hair and smile that can make you spill your deepest, darkest secrets, and Shelby, the shy, bookish brunette with a wild streak in her that you’d never see coming. Ethan’s Emily sits on the perimeter of our little circle; not quite part of the group, not quite a stranger.
“Morocco or Greece, those are your choices?” Gabby asks, looking at Jasmine like her potential vacation destinations are the worst places to visit in the entire world.