“Callie,” she sighs. “Don’t be stupid. What do you think is going to happen when this is over?”
“What I know will happen is that you and Ben will go on your honeymoon. I’ll go back to Dallas and Nate will go back to Boulder, and I’ll look back on this fondly.”
“QUIET EVERYBODY!!!” Madeline yells. Nate’s holding her, and she seems embarrassed by the sudden attention as the room quiets, so she tucks her head into his neck to shield her face. He walks up the few steps that lead into the guest house so that everyone can see him, and his eyes are drawn to mine in the crowd. He winks at me, and I know he’s doing whatever he’s about to do in order to break up this conversation because he can see how uncomfortable I am. I could (and would) kiss him for it if it wouldn’t send Gabby into a frenzy.
Nate clears his throat. “Mad here has something she’d like to say to her Uncle Ben and new Aunt Gabby,” he says with a smile, gently nudging Madeline with his chin.
Gabby, never one to abandon an unfinished conversation turns to me before motioning in Nate’s direction, like she wants to remind me of what I have right there in front of me. “You’re really going to make yourself miserable to prove a point?”
“I’m not trying to prove anything,” I tell her, and it’s the truth. She thinks I’m going to be miserable if I don’t give myself a shot to be with Nate, but misery I can deal with. It’s the inevitable broken heart that kills.
IT’S GETTING late, and all the guests are beginning to say their goodnights and go back to their rooms to prepare for the big day ahead of us tomorrow. At the same time tomorrow I’ll be standing here with all the same people, wearing a beautiful dress, and Gabby will have tied herself to Ben for the rest of her life. The remarkable thing—to me, at least—is that she isn’t even the slightest bit nervous about it. Sure, she’s worried about the ceremony, but the commitment part of the equation doesn’t even make her break a sweat.
I’m self-aware enough to admit that I’m jealous of her in that regard. Not that I want to get married, but I always wanted it to be an option. Now it seems as unattainable to me as winning a lottery jackpot. I think back to what Nate told me earlier this morning about telling the people who have hurt me what they’ve done. Maybe there’s some benefit to doing that beyond helping those people to not make the same mistakes again. Maybe the closure would help me move on. To what, exactly, I don’t know…but maybe that’s not important right now.
Across the yard, Ethan’s sitting on a bench by himself. His elbows are resting on his knees, and he’s got the neck of a beer bottle clasped between his thumb and index finger, gently swinging it back and forth. It occurs to me that while I’m not ready to talk to my father about how I felt when he left my mother and me, I am ready to talk to Ethan about our breakup. Maybe it will help him as much as it would help me, and as much as I shouldn’t want to help him, I do. Once upon a time he was my friend, and sometimes I do miss that, even if the sting of betrayal does taint those memories.
I step off the porch and walk across the lawn, and if Ethan’s surprised when I sit next to him, he doesn’t show it. His gaze is fixed somewhere off to our right, and when I turn my head I see that he’s looking at Emily. Madeline’s sleeping, draped across Emily’s lap. Emily runs her fingers through Madeline’s hair as she talks to Jessa. I’m not quite sure where this fierce protective surge comes from, given the fact that I barely know Emily, but it’s there and I can’t ignore it.
“Don’t screw around on her, Ethan. She doesn’t deserve that,” I say. I’m surprised at my bluntness, but Ethan doesn’t seem to be offended by it.
Ethan’s quiet for a minute, watching his girlfriend, hopefully letting what I just said sink in. “You two are friends now?” He finally replies.
“We don’t have to be friends for me to know that I don’t want that to happen to her.”
Looking at me with sad eyes, Ethan’s mouth opens and shuts, like he wants to say something but doesn’t quite know how to put it. I decide to speak for him instead, because I need to get this out while I’m ready to say it.
“I’m just going to say this, okay? It’ll be completely devoid of all the anger and resentment that I’ve felt for you over the past six months, and after I get it out, you can stop looking at me like a kicked puppy, and I’ll stop looking at you like I want to rip your heart out, and maybe things won’t be weird for Gabby and Ben anymore,” I say in one long breath. “I’ve been angry with you all this time not because of the cheating, which, yes…it did hurt, but…you took something from me that day, Ethan. You killed my belief in people and my ability to trust them and to take what they say and do at face value. You made me scared to take a chance again.” His eyes are locked with mine, and somehow I know that he’s listening, that he’s taking this to heart. “I had issues with some of those things before I met you, I mean, I’m not going to lay all of this at your feet, but you didn’t help any of that. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be like I was before. Maybe I’ll move past all this and be a stronger, better person. That’s what I hope for. And for you, I hope…” I take a deep breath, because it’s harder than I expected to say these words. “I hope you have a good life, Ethan. I really do.”
Ethan blinks his watery eyes, and I can practically hear him swallow. “I’m sorry that I hurt you, Callie.”
“I know,” I say, reaching out and squeezing his forearm. “I forgive you.”
His eyes shift back to Emily, uncertainty written on his face.
“Let her go if it gets to be too much.” He nods but doesn’t look at me, and I take that as my cue to leave. I’ve only taken a few steps before he speaks.
“Nate’s a good guy.”
I could laugh, because Ethan is the very last person I’d ever want vouching for any potential love interests, and I want to tell him that I don’t need him of all people to point out Nate’s goodness. But I don’t want to end this conversation with bitchiness; it would undermine everything I was trying to do here.
Instead, I tell him the truth.
“I know.”
WHEN I return to the patio, Nate’s leaning on the railing, off to the side and away from the crowd. I can tell just by the expression on his face that he saw me talking to Ethan, and when he looks up, his eyes are full of questions. Instinctively I know that he won’t ask me what we talked about, because he knows that it really isn’t any of his business. The strange thing is I want it to be his business. For whatever reason, I don’t want him to worry about it, or to let any thoughts of a reconciliation between Ethan and me even enter his mind.
Nate stands when I get closer. His arm slips around my waist, fingers curled along the side of my hip, and it’s comforting here in this spot where our bodies seem to fit together perfectly. He leans down, brushing his lips against my ear. “Is everything okay?”
I take a deep breath as I nod, then my eyes meet his. “I was just trying to help Ethan become a better person.”
Nate’s eyebrows knit together in confusion before a slow, understanding smile spreads across his face, brightening his eyes.
“Do you want to get out of here?” I ask.
“Yes,” he says softly, resting his hand on the small of my back as he leads me over to where Gabby and Ben are standing so that we can say goodnight. I hug the two of them and tell Gabby I’ll see her first thing in the morning, ignoring the smug look on her face when Nate twines his fingers with mine as we turn and make our way across the yard.
He rubs slow circles on the back of my hand as I follow him into his room, where he turns on the lights and gently shuts the door behind us. He presses a soft, lingering kiss to my lips as I reach up and loosen his tie, slipping it from around his neck and letting it fall into a puddle on the floor. We both work on undoing the buttons on his shirt and once that’s off, I fumble with the zipper on his pants. Once’s he’s finally naked, he makes quick work of my dress, sliding it off of my shoulders until it falls at my feet. Nate unclasps my bra and I pull down my panties, and then he skims one hand across my breast and down to my hip as he walks me backwards to the bed.