I’m not curing cancer, but I am leaving my fingerprint on this world, starting with a tiny playground in a tiny park in the middle of Dallas. And Nate was right, that is something. It’s fitting, I suppose, that I’d feel so close to him when I’m so far away, considering I’d done everything I could to put distance between us while we were together.
I get it, universe. I get it.
A phone call isn’t enough, this requires a risk.
I’m finally willing to take one.
I make it home in record time, then sprint into my room and throw heaps of clothing into my suitcase. I’m not even paying a bit of attention to anything I’m putting in there, but I don’t care, I don’t care. I scribble out a note for my mother on the back of an old envelope, hop in my car, and start driving.
ROUGHLY EIGHTEEN hours after I leave Dallas, I’m standing on the curb in front of Nate’s house in Boulder. It doesn’t look at all like I expected, not that he ever told me what his house looked like anyway. It’s a Craftsman style, with dark brown siding and white shutters. The lawn is impeccably landscaped, with lush green grass and well-trimmed bushes. The trees are just starting to show a hint of fall, the edges of the leaves showing a tinge of color with muted reds and washed-out yellows. I bet they’ll look like they’ve caught fire in a few weeks, and I feel the beginnings of a dull ache in my chest because I want to be here to see that.
I look down at the address on the note that Nate taped to the cereal box he left in my bag, then I glance up at the numbers that are all lined up in a perfect row on the awning over the porch. This is the street and this is definitely the house. There’s a grey Jeep parked in the driveway, it’s shiny paint is streaked with caked-on dried mud. I’m guessing it belongs to Nate and has probably seen more death-defying adventures than I’d care to know about.
There hasn’t been even the slightest hint of nervousness since I hopped in my car and pulled out onto the interstate, but now that I’m here I think maybe my heart is going to beat right out of my chest. I feel like I should’ve called, like maybe it’s not fair to just show up here like this, even though he did basically leave me an invitation to do just this. Ugh, I can stand here and debate over it for the rest of the night, or I could just work up the nerve to walk up the steps and knock on his door. What do I have to lose? Nothing I haven’t lost already.
I take a deep breath and slowly exhale, closing my eyes as I feel the slightest bit of relaxation tug at the dull edges of my overstimulated nerves. I’m taking a chance; chances don’t feel safe, Callie, they feel…well, they feel exactly like this. I didn’t drive all this way to check out the real estate in Nate’s neighborhood, so it’s time for me to make a move. To make a move and see if this crazy road trip thing was a good idea or a really, really bad one. I move myself forward, get some momentum going, and walk up to his front door.
As soon as I raise my hand to knock, the door flies open. My heart slips and falls when I look up into a face that doesn’t belong to Nate.
“Can I help you?” Now this is exactly the kind of guy I would picture when I thought of people who lived in Colorado. Shelby would probably describe him as ‘crunchy.’ He’s you’re typical tree-hugging, granola-loving hippie type. His hair is a bit shaggy, but he has a nice smile and a friendly face.
“I’m sorry,” I say, a little flustered. “I was just here to visit…” A friend? I’m not exactly sure what to say here, although ‘Is Nate here?’ would probably work, I can’t seem to get myself to say it. “I came looking for-”
“You’re Callie,” he says with a knowing smile. Never before has the simple sound of my name made me feel so reassured and welcome. He delivers what I can only describe as an instant calm.
“I am.” I smile back at him. “I’m here to see-”
“Nate,” we both say at the same time. We laugh together too, a nervous and awkward sound.
“I’m sorry, this is creepy, I’m…I’m being creepy,” Nate’s friend says, stepping forward and shaking my hand. “I’m Kevin.”
“Hi. How do you know my name?”
“Oh, Nate, he talks about you. A lot.”
I can’t help the warm rush of satisfaction that rushes through me. He talks about me. That’s good, right? Yikes, what if it’s not. “Does he say good things or bad?”
Kevin doesn’t reply, he just looks at me for a few seconds. “You know, he’s actually not here right now.” My stomach drops, and I automatically assume that not only has he been saying bad things, but he’s also given his friend pre-emptive instructions to get me the hell out of here.
“Oh, okay,” I say, turning around to walk back to my car. I’ll just have to figure out a new game plan. Find a hotel maybe, and give him a call.
“Wait, no.” He reaches out for me, touching my elbow before I make my way down the stairs. “He’s really not here, I’m not feeding you a line. I just stopped by to borrow some trunks.” He points down at the orange shorts he’s wearing.
“I’ll come back later.”
He laughs at me in a totally dismissive, yet friendly way. “If he finds out that you were here and I let you leave, he’d beat my ass. There’s a lake a few blocks from here.” He shuts the door behind him and reaches for a towel that’s hanging off the porch railing, then flings it over his shoulder. “Feel like taking a walk?”
KEVIN LEADS me through a small clearing, and for a fleeting moment I begin to wonder if walking through the woods with a stranger was the best course of action here. My brain is working overtime, because if anyone would get murdered after finally deciding to try to get over their commitment issues, it would be me. As soon as I decide that I should probably turn and run the other way, Kevin pulls back a huge, leafy tree branch to reveal a lake surrounded by lush trees just starting to change colors. I can hear the laughing voices of the people in the water, but I can’t see them.
I can’t see them because Kevin and I are standing on what I can only describe as a cliff, which is pretty much my worst nightmare come to life.
Let me amend my previous thought: if anyone would die from jumping off a cliff in order to get to the love of their life after finally deciding to get over their commitment issues, it would be me.
“Is there another way down?” I ask, twirling the ends of my hair around my finger.
Kevin turns and smirks at me, like he was expecting the question. “Yeah, but it takes a while to get down there, and you have to take a different path.”
We’re only about twenty feet up, but it might as well be a mile. My heart is beating triple-time, my fight or flight response is gearing up and ready to go.
“Isn’t that water freezing?” I’m desperate for any kind of excuse to actually stick here. If I didn’t want to see Nate so badly, I’d ask this hippie to show me that different path immediately, if not sooner.
Kevin shakes his head. “It’s not too bad. This is probably the last semi-warm day we’ll have here for a while, so we’ve got to enjoy the water while we can.” He balls up his towel and tosses it off to the left, where it gets snagged on a tree branch, just dangling above the water, mocking him.
I let out a quiet laugh, but he doesn’t seem to hear me over the laughter of his friends in the water, razzing him for missing the beach. I mean, really, there’s one tree in his way and he manages to get the towel stuck on it.
“Jesus, Mitchell. Did you have to take my favorite pair? When I said you could borrow some shorts, I meant for you to take one of the pairs that I hate.” It’s Nate. I never thought I’d be so happy to hear another person’s voice, especially when they were yelling up at a cliff while treading in icky brown lake water.