For the next two hours until yearbook was over, Will said nothing to me about the play. He was all business the whole time: very polite questions and no wisecracks. This was unlike him and only confirmed my belief that he already knew but was waiting for me to bring it up.
At the end of the meeting, I asked him for a ride home. “So that we can talk,” I added. He was quiet on the walk out to the parking lot. It was the end of October and I felt a chill, but it wasn’t from the weather. That fall had been particularly mild, and I was wearing a hoodie and a parka besides. I think the chill might have been something like déjà vu. I felt as if I had taken this very same walk before. Of course, I had. I had gotten many rides from Will since I’d been back at school, but there was something specifically familiar that I couldn’t quite identify.
“Are you cold?” he asked me when we were halfway to the parking lot. “I should have offered you my gloves.”
I shook my head. Will was always so concerned about me—even now, when he likely knew I’d been lying to him for weeks. It made me feel like the smallest person in the world.
When we got to the car, he stood there for a second without unlocking the doors.
“So?” I said.
“So, you’re the one who wanted to talk, Chief.”
“Well, um, in the car’s fine,” I said.
“I’d rather hear it here,” Will said.
I told him. “I’m in the play. I don’t know why I didn’t mention it before. That thing about the additional therapy was a lie.” I glanced over the roof of his car to see his reaction. He didn’t have one really, so I rambled on. “It happened almost by accident,” I continued, “but it’s only another two weeks, and then I’ll be back full-time.”
Will nodded for a second before replying, “You had sure as hell better comp me, Chief.” He loosened his school tie and then he laughed, so I asked him what was funny. “The thing is, I’d been afraid you were going to quit.”
“Why?”
“For the last couple of weeks, we’ve barely spoken. At least now I know there was a reason.”
I assumed he meant the play.
“And your heart hasn’t really been in it for a while. It’s only natural that I wondered. I want you to know I would probably have understood if you had quit with everything that’s happened to you, but I’m relieved that you didn’t.”
Will unlocked the doors to his car and we got in.
“The play…is it fun?” he asked me.
“Yeah, it is,” I admitted.
“I’m glad.” Will nodded and then he started the car.
When he got to my house, he asked if he could come in. He said he hadn’t seen my dad in a while.
I asked him why in the world he wanted to see my dad.
“Well, I really like his books. We’re pals, Grant and me.”
I told him that Dad was probably writing.
“Come on, Chief,” he said. “I haven’t been over to your house in eons.”
We went inside, but Dad wasn’t even there. Instead of leaving, Will sat down at the kitchen table. “I heard you and Zuckerman broke up,” he said.
“Yeah.” I didn’t really want to talk about it with Will, but he wasn’t taking the hint.
“Why?” Will asked.
“Because he hated my hair,” I said.
“I always thought he was a dick,” Will said.
“A dick?”
Will blushed for a second. “Maybe not a dick, but not good enough for you.”
“He’s okay.”
“Is there somebody else?” Will asked. He took off his glasses and wiped them on his pants.
“Nope,” I said. “I’m not planning on it either.”
He said he didn’t believe me.
“Well, you can believe what you want. But I’ve got enough on my plate without a boy.” Then I told Will I needed to study, which was true.
I’d finally gotten him to the front door when he spun around and said, “You know how I call you ‘Chief’?”
I nodded.
“Didn’t you ever wonder what you call me?”
“Uh, ‘Will’?”
“No, what you used to call me.”
I hadn’t.
“Coach. You know, short for co-chief. You could call me that again if you wanted to, Chief. If it ever should happen to just pop into your head.”
“Coach,” I said. Despite the fact that he couldn’t have been less athletic, the nickname suited him well. A good nickname tells you something about the person it belongs to, and it was so with this one. In all he did, Will was fiercely loyal, a good motivator, intelligent, passionate, and thoughtful. He was everything a coach ought to be. “It’s a good name for you,” I said. “I wish I’d thought to ask you about it before.”
“There are all sorts of things I could tell you,” he said, “if you ever wanted to know them.”
The play opened the second weekend in November. Each of the cast members was allotted four tickets. I gave one to Will and two to Dad, who gave one to Rosa Rivera. I thought about giving my last ticket to Mom, but my part wasn’t all that big for her to bother driving in from the city. Plus, I didn’t have enough tickets for Nigel and their kid anyway.
The show ran for only two nights, so in a way it wasn’t all that different from yearbook—a lot of effort for not much product. But, well, I think it was a good play. That must count for something. Will, his mother, Dad, and Rosa Rivera came on the second night, and everyone told me it was a good play, and that I was good in it. I was really only in a couple of scenes. To commemorate the occasion, Will made me a new mix CD, Songs for Acting Like You’re at Your Therapist When You’re Really Just Acting (“Hilarious,” I said), which he gave me after the show was over; I hadn’t finished listening to his last mix yet. Dad said how he liked the video installation part that James had done. The footage had looked pretty amazing projected—you would never have known that we shot it at a park in Rye. James had treated the footage so that it looked like an old silent movie. All black-and-white and faded and flickery.
The cast party was at Alice’s house. Or behind Alice’s house by her pool. It being November, the pool was covered over with a green vinyl tarp.
Yvette hugged and congratulated me. In return, I told her how amazing the costumes had looked. “Have you seen James?” she asked.
“Why?”
“I didn’t get a chance to tell him how beautiful his images were. Best part of the play. Don’t tell Alice,” she whispered.
I swore that I wouldn’t.
I hadn’t encountered James since that day at the park. He didn’t need to go to actor rehearsals, and at the few rehearsals he did attend, he was occupied with technical matters. Truthfully, I had been too busy to care. Besides, I was past expecting that anything might happen between us.
Alice came up to me next. “Where’s your cocktail, cookie?” This was the drama crowd—while there was no beer, there was plenty of harder stuff.
“I’m abstaining,” I said.
“Do you have a problem with drinking?” Alice asked me.
“Yes. I have no tolerance to an embarrassing degree.” No one really wants to hear about your medical problems at a party.
Alice laughed. “Sounds like it’d be fun to get you liquored up, cookie.”
I just shook my head.
Alice kissed me on both cheeks and told me she was so proud of me. And then the guy who had played Guildenstern called her. “Who do you think is cuter? Rosencrantz or Guildenstern?” Alice asked. “I simply can’t decide who I prefer.”