When they started again the older guy’s cock was rock hard and he was getting sucked off by both Mickey and the redhead. Then the director ordered Mickey to stand up and the kid had to go down on both of them. He was finding it hard and starting to gag. Then they stopped the filming again to wipe everyone down.
This time Mickey had to fuck the kid. There was no condom but I knew it was okay because Mickey didn’t have the disease. The kid’s face was all screwed up, he wasn’t used to getting fucked yet, and his cock had shrivelled up completely. I could see the veins straining, popping out on his neck.
Then Mickey pulled out and the older guy started fucking the kid. As soon as he was in, the kid was screaming, ‘Stop! Stop! It fucking hurts, it fucking really hurts.’ He was crying, actually sobbing, and it made him look even younger.
But they didn’t stop filming for a long time, by which time the kid’s sobs had stopped and he was just groaning, making gurgling, incoherent sounds, with his eyes shut and his teeth clenched.
I didn’t want to look, I just kept staring up at beams on the ceiling, but then Dick Cheese Saunders came over to me and yanked me to my feet. He had his cock out too and grabbed my hand and made me touch it. I started jerking him off but still tried to look anywhere else but at what was happening in the middle of the room. Saunders’ breathing was both loud and slow.
I looked over when I heard the director call out, ‘On the boy’s face, come on his face.’ Mickey blew but the director and his camera were interrupting my view and I couldn’t see it. The older guy was still fucking the red-haired kid.
Dick Cheese Saunders slapped my hand away from his cock. ‘Not yet.’ I didn’t know if he was talking to me or to himself.
The red-haired kid stumbled away, crouched over, holding his stomach. He was wiping the cum off his face, making a face at the foulness of the taste. The sound guy gave him a bottle of water. He sat in the corner across from me and I could see he was crying again. But I didn’t care about him.
It was Mickey’s turn. He was on all fours under the intense, blazing lights. I didn’t want to look. I snatched a glance. There was a steely, determined look on his face and his jaw was jutting out. He looked over at me and I turned away and looked down at the floorboards.
‘Have you got a condom on?’
I turned back to look. Mickey was standing up. ‘I won’t do it if this cunt won’t put on a rubber.’
Dick Cheese Saunders stepped forward. ‘No condoms.’
‘Then I’m not doing it.’
Saunders seemed bigger than I had ever known him. I thought he might wallop Mickey, but instead he just nodded his head. ‘Alright, kid, that’s fair.’
The guy who was going to fuck Mickey shrugged and held out his hand. Everyone searched in their pockets for a rubber and the sound guy eventually found one. The guy with the moustache started putting it on but it only covered half of his freaky monster dick.
Mickey was back on all fours and I didn’t want to look. I crouched and looked up at the ceiling. I noticed that on one of the beams a bird had built a nest. But there was nothing in it now. I could hear grunts, the older guy talking dirty like they do in pornos, the on-again, off-again, on-again of the cameras starting and stopping. But Mickey was making no sound.
Saunders had me on my feet again, jerking him off. It seemed to go on forever, the heat and the light, the grunting, the spinning and buzzing and humming of the cameras, the fucking, my hand going up and down, up and down Dick Cheese Saunders’ pongy little dick. The bastard wouldn’t come. I wanted it to be over. A sparrow. I decided it had been a sparrow’s nest.
Dick Cheese Saunders suddenly grabbed my jaw and jerked my head around so I had to look at the room. ‘Do you like seeing your mate getting it up the arse?’
Mickey was no longer on his hands and knees but on his back. The guy was holding his legs up, fucking him fast, pulling out then thrusting back in, which was what hurt the most when mugs fucked me. But Mickey was still not making a sound, just looking up at the two cameras. From time to time he’d wince, but that was all.
The older guy suddenly stopped. He stood up, winking down at Mickey, and pulled the condom off his dick. ‘I’m ready.’
‘Sure, very good, sure.’ The director motioned for Mickey to get on his knees. The cameras were right up on his face. Saunders’ hand was on the back of my neck now, his grip tight. I had to keep watching. The guy with the moustache was jerking himself off, and even with the cameraman and the director filming around them I had a clear view of Mickey’s face. He was waiting, his mouth closed, his eyes screwed shut, exactly how he had taught me, so that the semen won’t get in your eyes and through your eyes into your blood so you don’t get the disease. The guy grabbed hold of Mickey’s hair and was pulling Mickey’s face closer to his cock all the time, shouting stufflike I’m going to come all over your face, fag, and Dick Cheese Saunders was breathing faster now, and under his breath he was going do it, do it, do it, and I couldn’t bear to look so I pulled away from his grasp and he was so focused on what was happening that he let me, though I was still jerking his cock. I looked out through a crack of the boarded-up window, and I saw a flash of blue and white, sky and cloud, and then the guy finally blew and he started howling, exactly like one of the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. Dick Cheese Saunders shuddered beside me and his cum spilt all over my hand and when I shook it off, it fell on the floorboards in front of us.
I looked over at Mickey, I looked over to see he was alright. His eyes were still shut tight; screwed so tight that deep creases had appeared on his brow. Sprog was splashed across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, and it was dripping down his chin. The guy with the moustache was wiping his cock with some tissues. He passed the box to Mickey, who wiped his eyelids; only then did he finally open his eyes. He was looking straight at me and his eyes were shimmering. The sadness — no, the misery — of the world was looking at me. But then his mouth twitched towards a small smile and I saw Our Lord’s mercy.
I stood up, stepping over the cables and past the men. As I walked over, I ripped off the bottom of my T-shirt, and when I reached Mickey, I wiped clean his face and his neck. I kissed his mouth. As I did that I could see Jesus again in his eyes.
But as soon as I’d finished wiping away the spoof, Jesus had gone and it was just a sandy-haired black-eyed laughing boy staring back at me. ‘Don’t you dare kiss me again, ya crazy poofta.’
We were laughing like little kids at Luna Park, going down down down, fast fast fast on the Big Dipper. And just as we stopped laughing the red-haired kid stood up and was pointing at his arse. ‘I’m fucking bleeding,’ he screamed, and that just started us up again. We were crying from the laughing.
For my fifteenth birthday, Mickey got me a ticket for the Big Day Out. We took acid, it was my first time, and when it started, first with the tingling and then with the rush of colour and sound and smell and movement, I knew that this was how heaven will be. Angie and Mickey walked through the crowd, hand in hand, and I bumped into friends and even glimpsed one of my mugs in the crowd. Mickey slipped me an E as the sun was going down, and I watched Courtney Love bare her tits to the crowd. Afterwards I wandered to the techno tent and bumped into Angie and Mickey. The DJs were wicked and I was peaking and the crowd was going off and the music was in my body and in my soul and I was jumping around like a madman and so was Angie and so was Mickey and so was the whole world. Everyone was shining and screaming and dancing and I climbed onto Mickey’s shoulders and I was looking straight into the light and into the night, and the music was the sound of the angels and the bass beat was the sound of heaven and I raised my hands towards the stage and one of the DJs pointed at me I swear electricity shot from his fingers towards me and I was happier than I had ever been. I was happier than I would ever be.