“Yeah. Coming.”
Apparently, this was our family bonding time: watching the boob tube together. I sat on the couch next to Mason, and we chuckled through an episode of The Simpsons. Then the Xbox came out, and father and son became embroiled in World of Warcraft.
Belly full, warmed by the booze, I allowed my eyes to drift shut. The sounds of Mason and Lex talking smack while doing battle faded into the background.
I stood on a hillside in the last dark moments of night before dawn teased the horizon. I wore combat fatigues. An M60 strapped over my shoulder. On patrol, on the prowl, but where was my partner? We weren’t allowed to go over the fence alone.
My feet wanted to pace, but I remained still. Watchful. I inhaled and got a nose full of the putrid, raw-sewage stench of Iraq. I glanced down to see sand blowing across my boots. The wind whipping against me didn’t cool my body. How could it be so hot at night?
A hum of approaching vehicles reverberated in the distance, and I automatically lifted the rifle toward the sound.
There, at the top of the hill. Three Humvees. They clicked their headlights on, blinding me. I squinted, my eyes watering at the searing light. I held my hand up and noticed what those lights illuminated.
Bodies.
The first set of headlights shone on Arlette Shooting Star. I could hear her screaming for help. Before I could move toward her, a javelin sailed through the air and pinned her to the ground, piercing her heart.
The headlights above her went out.
The second set of headlights shone on Verline. She was on her knees begging for help. Before I could move toward her, a red slice appeared across her neck. She reached up to stop the flow of blood and with another slice across her wrist, her hand fell to the ground.
The headlights above her went out.
The third set of headlights shone on Levi. I wanted to run up the hill toward him, but I looked down to see my boots mired in sand. My ankles disappeared, then my calves, then my knees. I screamed, helpless, wanting to save Levi from what I knew was coming. I glanced up but it wasn’t Levi on the hillside, dead. It was Dawson.
Shot through the head. Eyes blank. His light just… gone.
I put my hands on the ground in front of me, trying to maneuver myself out of the sinkhole before it swallowed me. But my hands kept slipping. Lifting them to the light, I saw they were covered in blood. Rivers of blood from the three bodies poured downhill toward me like a red mudslide. I used my last breath to scream when the bloody sand engulfed me.
My eyes flew open, and I realized I’d screamed out loud. The front of my shirt was soaked, and I reeked of whiskey. I still clutched the empty crystal glass.
Deep shame burned, and I didn’t want to see Lex’s expression or hear Mason have to explain what’d happened. Why I was such a freak.
But as I reached to set the glass on the coffee table, Mason’s strong hand was right there, taking it from me. I looked at him, and the worry etched on his brow seemed to shame me further.
Without breaking eye contact with me, he said, “Lex, turn that off and give Mercy and me a few minutes, okay?”
The sounds of gunfights and explosions ceased abruptly.
I thought I heard Lex mutter about us leaving our clothes on, and I might’ve smiled if I hadn’t been vibrating head to toe from the shocking effects of the nightmare.
Then Dawson hauled me onto his lap. He draped an afghan over us and tucked my face into his neck, tightening his arms so I couldn’t move.
He knew what I needed. He’d been through this with me before. When the shakes wouldn’t stop, he whispered against my hair. “It’s just us here. Let it go. It wasn’t real.” He kissed my crown. “Please, sweetheart, let it go.”
I did, but not with big gasping sobs. Not because I was ashamed to cry in front of him. I’d cried in front of him plenty. I sat and let his warmth, his scent, his strength bolster me.
After he recognized I’d calmed and returned to myself, he loosened his hold and eased back to peer into my face.
“Bad?”
I nodded.
“Wanna talk about it?”
I shook my head.
“You sure?”
“Uh-huh.”
“It might help.”
We’d had this exact same dialogue a dozen times since we’d been together. Mason never pushed me. He’d hold me and distract me with sex to bring me back to a happy place.
“I don’t suppose you can drag me off to bed and make me forget about it?”
Mason smiled. “We’ve already been busted once today. Let’s not push it right now, okay?”
“Okay.” I rubbed my cheek along his jawline. “I love you.”
“I know you do.”
Him tossing my usual response back at me made me smile. “I need to change out of the whiskey-soaked clothes. Then I might crawl in bed and put this day behind me.”
“Sounds good. I’ll hang with Lex and be there in a bit.”
I smooched his mouth. “Don’t forget to lock the bedroom door tonight.”
• • •
The next morning I let Dawson sleep in and took over kitchen duties.
Not even the scent of cooking bacon roused Lex, so I knocked on his door. “Lex? Time to get up and start the day.”
No answer.
I knocked louder. “Come on, kiddo. Rise and shine.”
The door opened a crack. He rubbed his eyes. “Man, you’re even more annoying than my dad in the morning.”
“There’s a compliment.”
He mumbled something and shut the door in my face.
But he was dressed and downstairs in five minutes. “What’s for breakfast?”
“Waffles and bacon. Help yourself.”
“Cool.” Lex loaded his plate.
I poured him a glass of milk.
“Thanks, Mercy.”
“You’re welcome.”
He ate. I drank coffee. I finally noticed his plate was empty, yet he still dragged his fork through the puddle of syrup.
“If you’re still hungry, I can make another waffle.”
“I’m full.” Lex looked up at me and wore the same contrite expression I’d seen on his father’s face.
“Something wrong?”
He blurted out, “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For playing World of Warcraft in front of you. It’s just a game to me, and I didn’t know it’d bring back bad memories of being in war and stuff. I won’t play it anymore.”
Such a sweet boy. Like his dad in so many ways. I wanted to hug him, but that’d probably freak him out. So I reached over and messed up his hair. “Thanks. The bad dreams usually stem from something that happened at work. But not always. It’s kind of a crapshoot. I never know when they’ll pop up and knock me flat.”
“There was a guy in my apartment building who’d been in Vietnam. Some days he’d be great.”
“It’s those not-so-great days that are scary.”
Lex nodded. “One time he was sleeping in the hallway, and I accidentally woke him up. He tackled me. I had to hit him in the face to get him to leave me alone. Then he got really embarrassed, and I didn’t see him for a while.”
“I know the feeling.”
Mason ambled in. “Mornin’.” He helped himself to coffee and looked around. “Where’s Sophie?”
“She’s not here.”
“You made waffles?”
“I am not entirely helpless in the kitchen, Sheriff. Besides, you’d better not insult my cooking since I’ll be doing a lot more of it.” I sipped my coffee. “Sophie quit.”
“She did? When did this happen?”
“Hope told me last night. I guess it’s effective immediately. She wants to spend more time with Penny before she…”
Dawson frowned. “Is Penny worse?”
“No.” I explained what I’d been told the night before.
“That’s good news anyway. And I have some more good news.” He focused on Lex. “I talked to Phil Beecham, the bus driver for this area. He said if you’re down by the main highway by twenty-five before the hour, he’ll pick you up and take you to school. Won’t that be great? Getting to know the kids from around here?”