Thursday; January 21.
Gifted and Talented
Tina is so mad at Jane Eyre. She says Jane Eyre ruined her life.
She announced this at lunch. Right in front of Michael, who isn't supposed to know about the whole Jane Eyre technique
of not chasing boys thing, but, whatever. He admitted to never having read the book, so I think it is a safe bet he didn't
know what Tina was talking about.
Still, it was way sad. Tina said she is giving up her romance novels. Giving them up because they led to the ruination of
her relationship with Dave!
We were all very upset to hear about this. Tina loves reading romances. She reads about one a day.
But now she says that if it weren't for romance novels, she, and not this mysterious Jasmine person, would be going to
the Rangers game with Dave Farouq El-Abar this Saturday.
And my pointing out that she doesn't even like hockey didn't seem to help.
Lilly and I both realized that this was a pivotal moment in Tina's adolescent growth. It needed to be pointed out to her that Dave, not Jane, was the one who'd pulled the plug on their relationship . . . and, that when looked at objectively, the whole thing was probably for the best. It was ludicrous for Tina to blame romance novels for her plight.
So Lilly and I very quickly drew up the following list, and presented it to Tina, in the hope that she would see the error of
her ways:
Mia and Lilly's List of Romantic Heroines
and the Valuable Lessons Each Taught Us:
1. Jane Eyre from Jane Eyre:
Stick to your convictions and you will prevail.
2. Lorna Doone from Lorna Doone:
Probably you are secretly royalty and an heiress, only no one has told you yet (this applies to Mia Thermopolis, as well).
3. Elizabeth Bennet from Pride and Prejudice:
Boys like it when you are smart-alecky.
4. Scarlett O'Hara from Gone with the Wind:
Ditto.
5. Maid Marian from Robin Hood:
It is a good idea to learn how to use a bow and arrow.
6. Jo March from Little Women:
Always keep a second copy of your manuscript handy in case your vindictive little sister throws your first draft
on the fire.
7. Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gables:
One word: Clairol.
8. Marguerite St Juste from The Scarlet Pimperneclass="underline"
Check out your husband's rings before you marry him.
9. Cathy, from Wuthering Heights:
Don't get too big for your breeches or you too will have to wander the moors in lonely heartbreak after you die.
10. Juliet from Romeo and Juliet:
If you're going to fake your own death, it might be nice if you clued your husband in about it first, to avoid any
tragic mishaps later.
Tina, after reading the list, admitted tearfully that we were right, that romantic heroines really were her friends, and that she could not, in good conscience, forsake them. We were all just breathing a sigh of relief (except for Michael and Boris; they were playing on Michael's Gameboy) when Shameeka made a sudden announcement, even more startling than Tina's:
'I'm trying out for cheerleading.'
We were, of course, stunned. Not because Shameeka would make a bad cheerleader - she is the most athletic of us all,
also the most attractive, and knows almost as much as Tina does about fashion and make-up.
It was just that, as Lilly so bluntly put it, 'Why would you want to go and do something like that?'
'Because,' Shameeka explained, 'I am tired of letting Lana and her friends push me around. I am just as good as any of them. Why shouldn't I try out for the squad, even if I'm not in their little clique? I have just as good a chance of getting on the team
as anybody else.'
Lilly said, 'While this is unarguably true, I feel I must warn you, Shameeka, if you try out for cheerleading, you might actually
get on the squad. Are you prepared to subject yourself to the humiliation of cheering for Josh Richter as he chases after a
little ball?'
'Cheerleading has, for many years, suffered from the stigma of being inherently sexist,' Shameeka said. 'But I think the cheerleading community in general is making strides at asserting itself as a fast-growing sport for both men and women. It is
a good way to keep fit and active, it combines two things I love dearly, dance and gymnastics, and will look excellent on my college applications. That is, of course, the only reason my father is allowing me to try out. That and the fact that I won't be allowed to attend any post-game parties.'
I didn't doubt this last part. Mr Taylor, Shameeka's dad, is way strict.
But as for the rest of it, well, I wasn't sure.
'Does that mean that if you get on the squad,' I wanted to know, 'you'll stop eating lunch with us and go sit over there?'
I pointed at the long table across the cafeteria from ours, at which Lana and Josh and all of their school-spirit minded, incredibly well-coiffed cronies sat. The thought of losing Shameeka, who was always so elegant and yet at the same
time sensible, to the Dark Side made my heart ache.
'Of course not,' Shameeka said, disparagingly. 'Getting on to the Albert Einstein High School cheerleading squad is not
going to change my friendships with all of you one iota. I will still be the camera person for your television show . . .' she nodded to Lilly, '. . . and your Bio. partner . . .' to me, '. . . and your lipstick consultant. . .' to Tina, '. . . and your portrait model,' to Ling Su. 'I just may not be around as much, if I get on to the squad.'
We all sat there, reflecting upon this great change that might befall us. If Shameeka made the squad it would, of course,
strike a blow for geeky girls everywhere. But it would also necessarily rob of us Shameeka, who would be forced to
spend all of her free time practising doing the splits and taking the bus to Mount Kisco for away games with Phillips Prep.
The silence at the table was palpable . . . well, except for the bing-bing-bing of Michael's electronic game. Boys -apparently even perfect boys, like Michael - are immune to things like mood.
But I can tell you, the mood of this year so far has been pretty bad. In fact, if things don't start looking up soon, I may have