'Guys don't say the word love unless they mean it, Mia,' she said. 'I know. Dave never uses it with me.' There was a throb
of pain in her voice.
'Yes, I know,' I said, sympathetically. 'But the question is, how did Michael mean it? I mean, Tina, I've heard him say he
loves his dog. But he is not in love with his dog.'
'I guess I can see what you mean,' Tina said, though she sounded kind of doubtful. 'So, what are you going to do?' 'That's
why I'm calling you!'
So then, just as I'd known she would, Tina came up with a plan. She was perfectly appalled when she found out Michael
and I had not even spoken since the night of the Non-Denominational Winter Dance. I explained to her the whole phone situation, and she said, no problem, that I should call her back in five minutes. So I did. It was a really long five minutes,
but I managed to keep from going crazy during it by pushing down all my cuticles with the tip of my sceptre, which was
lying around.
Pushing down your cuticles is not biting them, so I was still well within the confines of my New Year's resolution.
When I called back precisely five minutes later, Tina had the number of Michael's grandmother's condo in Florida!
'How did you get it?' I asked her, in astonishment.
'Easy,' Tina said. 'I just called information, and asked for the number for every Moscovitz in Boca Raton, and then I called
each one on the list until I got the right one. Lilly answered. She's expecting your call.'
I couldn't believe how nice this was of Tina. Also how stupid I was not to have thought of doing it myself.
'Now that you have the number,' Tina said, 'how are you going to find out? Whether Michael is in love with you or not?
I mean, you're not just going to ask him, are you?'
'Well,' I said. 'Yeah. That was the plan.'
'You can't put him on the spot like that,' Tina said. 'You've got to be more subtle. Remember, he's Michael, which of course makes him vastly superior to most people, but he's still a guy.'
I hadn't thought of this. I hadn't thought of a lot of things, apparently. I couldn't believe that I had just been going along on
this sea of bliss, happy just to know Michael even liked me, while the whole time he could have been falling in love with someone else.
'Well,' I said. 'Maybe I should just be like, "Do you like me as a friend, or do you like me as a girlfriend?'"
'Mia,' Tina said, T really do not think you should ask Michael point-blank like that. He might run away in fear, like a startled fawn. Boys have a tendency to do that, you know. They aren't like us. They don't like to talk about their feelings.'
It is just so sad that to get any kind of trustworthy advice about men, I have to call someone six thousand miles away.
Thank God for Tina Hakim Baba, is all I have to say.
'So what do you think I should do?' I asked. 'Well, it's going to be hard for you to do anything,' Tina said, 'until you get back here. The only way to tell what a boy is feeling is to look into his eyes. You'll never get anything out of him over the phone. Boys are no good at talking on the phone.'
This was certainly true, if my ex-boyfriend Kenny had been any sort of indication.
'I know.' Tina said, sounding like she'd just gotten a good idea. 'Why don't you ask Lilly?'
'I don't know,' I said. 'I'd feel kind of funny about dragging her into something that's between Michael and me .. .' The truth was, Lilly and I still hadn't really even talked about me liking her brother, and her brother liking me back. I had always
thought she'd be kind of mad about it. But then it turned out in the end she actually kind of helped us get together, by
telling Michael I was the one who'd been sending him these anonymous love letters.
'Just ask her,' Tina said. 'And then call me back! I want to know what she says.' 'OK,' I said.
Then I hung up and looked at the number Tina had given me for Lilly and Michael's grandmother's condo. I have to admit
that, as I dialled, my fingers were shaking. I mean, I was going to talk to Michael - Michael, my new boyfriend, whom I'd l
oved for years and years - for the first time since we'd stood kissing outside my apartment building on Thompson Street.
What was I going to say? I had no idea. The only thing I knew for sure was that I was not going to say, 'Do you like me as
a friend, or do you like me as a girlfriend?' Because Tina had told me not to.
Lilly answered on the first ring. Our conversation went like this:
Lilly: (Sounding grouchy) It's about time. I thought you'd never call.
Me: (Sounding defensive) You never gave me your grandma's number.
Lilly: What? And you couldn't figure it out? I mean, you take off for Genovia, and you don't leave me a number
where I can reach you . . .
Me: I didn't know the number. My dad always calls me. Besides, you didn't give me the number where you were
going to be, either . . .
Lilly: You don't respond to my emails . . .
Me: There's no DSL here. Only dial-up, and it takes forever, and besides, I don't know how to access my account
from Europe . . .
Lilly: I even called your mom, and she gave me the number, and the stupid palace operator wouldn't put me through!
She said something about Prince William. Are you two going out now, or something?
Me: (Way surprised) Me and Prince William? NO! I barely said two words to him. Why? (Starting to panic) Did
the papers say I'm going out with him? Because I'm not. I'm totally not. Does Michael think I'm going out with him?
Lilly: How should I know? I'd have to talk to him.
Me: You two aren't talking? Why aren't you talking? Because he's going out with another girl? Is that it, Lilly?
Michael met another girl, didn't he? Does she know how to boogie board? Oh, my God, I'm going to kill myself.
Lilly: What happens when people go to Europe, anyway? Do they suddenly become insane, or something?
Me: Just tell me the truth, Lilly, I can take it. Has Michael found another girl? Is her name Tiffany? All girls from
warm states are named Tiffany.
Lilly: First of all, for Michael to have met another girl, that would mean he'd have to tear himself from his laptop
and leave the condo, which he hasn't done once the entire time we have been here. He is as pasty-skinned as
ever. Secondly, he is not going to go out with some girl named Tiffany, because he likes you.
Me: (Practically crying with relief) Really, Lilly? You swear?You aren't just lying to make me feel better?