Saturday, January 9, 2 p.m.,
Royal Genovian Limo
Grandmere can be so mean. Seriously. Imagine pinching me, just because she thought I had dozed off for a few seconds
at lunch! I swear I am going to have a bruise now. It's a good thing I don't have any time to go to the beach, because if I
did and anyone saw the scar she'd left, they'd probably call the Genovian Child Protection Services.
And I'm sorry, but the Genovian Historical Society was really, really boring. Worse than the FOIL system, practically.
How many times can you hear about marauding Visigoths, anyway?
And I wasn't asleep, either. I was just resting my eyes.
Grandmere says it is thoughtless of Michael to keep me up all hours whispering sweet nothings in my ear. I informed her
very firmly that Michael had actually told me to hang up, because he cares very deeply about me, and that I was the one
who kept on talking. And that we don't whisper sweet nothings to one another, we have substantive discussions about art
and literature and Bill Gates's stranglehold on the software industry.
To which Grandmere replied, 'Pfuit!' which is French for Big Deal.
But you can tell she is totally jealous because she would like a boyfriend who is as smart and thoughtful as mine. But that
will so never happen, because Grandmere is too mean, and besides, there is that whole thing she does with her eyebrows.
Boys like girls with real eyebrows, not painted-on ones.
Saturday, January 9, 10 p.m.,
Royal Genovian Bedchamber
I am so excited! Tina, not being able to join her family on the ski slopes, spent all day in an Aspen Internet cafe looking up
all of her friends' horoscopes. She just faxed over my and Michael's astrological chart! I am taping it here in my journal so
I won't lose it. It is so accurate it is making my spine tingle.
Michael — Date of Birth = January 5:
Capricorn is the leader of the Earth signs. Here is a stabilizing force, one of the hardest-working signs of the Zodiac. The Mountain goat has intense powers of self-concentration, but not in an egotistical sense. Members of this sign find a great deal wore confidence in what they do than in who they are. Capricorn is one very high-achiever! Without balance, however, Capricorn can become too rigid, and focus too much on achievement Then they forget the little
joys in life. When the Goat finally relaxes and enjoys life, his or her most delightful secrets emerge. No one has a
better sense of humour than the Capricorn. Oh, that Cap might let us bask in that warm smile!
Mia — Date of Birth = May 1:
Ruled by loving Venus, Taurus has great emotional depth. Friends and lovers rely on the warmth and emotional accessibility of the Bull. Taurus represents consistency, loyalty and patience. Fixed Earth can be very rigid, too cautious to take some of the risks necessary in life. Sometimes the Bull ends up temporarily stuck in the mud. He
or she may not want to rise to every challenge or potential. And stubborn? Ah yes! The Taurus Bull may always surface. This sign's Yin energy can also go too far, causing Taurus to become very, very passive. Still, you cannot
ask for a better lover, or more loyal friend.
Michael + Mia =
Courageous, ambitious Earth signs, Taurus and Capricorn seem to be made for each other. Both value career
success and share a love of beauty and of lasting, classical foundations. Capricorn's irony charms the Bull, while
the latter's expert sensuality rescues the Capricorn from his or her obsession with career. They enjoy talking
together, and communication is excellent. They confide in each other, promising never to offend or betray the
other. This could be a perfect couple.
See! We're perfect for each other! But expert sensuality? Me? Um, I don't think so.
Still . . . I'm so happy! Perfect! You can't get better than perfect!
Sunday; January 10, 10 a.m.,
Palais de Genovia Chapel
Oh, my God, I have only been Michael's girlfriend for twenty-three days, and already I suck at it. The girlfriend thing, I mean.
I can't even figure out what to get him for his birthday. He is the love of my life, the reason my heart beats. You would think
I would know what to get the guy.
But God no. I haven't got a clue.
Tina says the only appropriate thing to get for a boy you have only been officially dating for less than four weeks is a sweater. And she says even that is pushing it as Michael and I have not even been out on an official date yet, so technically, how can
we be dating?
But a sweater? I mean, that is so unromantic. It is the kind of thing I would get my dad — if he wasn't so in need of anger-management manuals, which is what I got for him for Christmas. I would get a sweater for my stepdad for sure.
But my boyfriend?
I was kind of surprised Tina would suggest something so banal, as she is basically the resident romance expert of our little group. But Tina says the rules about what to give boys are actually very strict. Her mom told them to her. Tina's mom used to be a model and international jet-setter who once dated a sultan, so I guess she would know. The rules for presents for guys, according to Mrs Hakim Baba, go:
Length of Time Going Out: Appropriate Gift:
1-4 months Sweater
5—8 months Cologne
9-12 months Cigarette lighter*
1 year + Watch
*Mrs Hakim Baba says that for a non-smoker, an engraved pocket knife or brandy flask may be substituted.