The strange look now left his eyes and their usual sullenness returned. He thanked the woman for coming to see him and asked her to sit down. In fact, her coming had amazed him, and he felt something approaching hatred for Umm Hamida. He wondered what had brought her, whether she really wanted to pass on her good wishes or to satisfy herself about that other matter. However, the woman felt no ill will toward him, for she had long ago despaired of him.
Rather like an apology, Alwan addressed her: "We wanted… but God wanted otherwise…"
She understood and said quickly, "It's not your fault, Mr. Alwan, and we only pray to God for your health and well-being."
She then said goodbye and left. Alwan was now in a worse state and even more upset than when she had arrived. He noticed a package of mascara slip from the hands of one of his workers and his anger boiled over. He shouted at the man, "This business is going to close soon, so are you looking for a new job?"
He stood there trembling with rage. He was reminded again of what his sons recently suggested, that he should liquidate the business and rest. His rage increased as he told himself that it was his money they were really after and not their concern about his health. Had they not made the same suggestion before, when he was in perfect health? It was his money they were after all right. He seemed to forget that he had rejected the idea of restricting his life to working in the office and amassing money he would never be able to spend. However, his stubbornness got the better of him, coupled with an ill will toward everyone he knew, including his children and his wife.
Before he recovered from his rage, he heard a voice calling out in sincere sympathy, "Praise be to God for your safe return. Peace be upon you, my brother."
Alwan turned and saw Radwan Hussainy's tall, broad form approaching, his face beaming with joy. Alwan's face too seemed happier than before and he made as if to get up, but Radwan placed a hand on his shoulder and said, "By our Lord Hussain, please stay rested."
They embraced affectionately. Radwan had several times visited Alwan's villa during his illness, and when he had not been able to see the merchant, had always left his greetings and blessings. Radwan sat near Alwan and they began talking together in a polite and friendly fashion.
Salim Alwan cried emotionally, "It was a miracle that I recovered!"
In his quiet, deep voice, Radwan replied, "All praise be to God. It was a miracle that you recovered, and it is a miracle that you still live. It's a miracle, as you may know, that any of us are alive. For man to live a single second needs a great miracle from the Divine Power. The life of any man is a succession of divine miracles, and just think of the lives of everyone put together and the number of lives of all living creatures! Let us therefore thank God day and night. How insignificant our thanks are in the face of these divine blessings."
Alwan sat silently listening and then muttered sullenly, "Illness is a really evil, dreadful thing."
"No doubt it seems so, but from another angle it can be considered a divine test and so in this respect it is good."
This philosophy did not please Alwan at all, and suddenly he felt hostility for the man who expressed it. The good effect of his coming was now quite dissipated. He managed to prevent giving way to his emotion, however, and asked, still obviously discontented, "What have I done to deserve this punishment? Can't you see that I have lost my health forever?"
Radwan Hussainy stroked his beard and answered critically, "What can we, with our shallow intelligence, expect to understand of His mighty wisdom? It is true that you are a good man, worthy and generous, and keep strictly to God's ordinances. However, don't forget that God put Job to the test and he was a prophet. Do not despair and do not be sad. Remain faithful and good will come of it…"
Alwan's emotional state only got worse and he asked angrily, "Have you noticed how Kirsha still retains the strength and health of a mule?"
"You with your sickness are far better off than he is with his health."
Fury overcame Alwan at this, and he shot Radwan a fiery glance, shouting, "You can talk in your peace and contentment and sermonize in your pious godliness, but you haven't suffered as I have and have lost nothing like I've lost."
Radwan remained looking down until the man finished his speech. Then he raised his head, a sweet smile playing on his lips, and looked at Alwan, deep and straight from his clear eyes. Immediately, Alwan's anger and emotional state subsided. It was as though he was remembering for the first time that he was talking to the most afflicted of God's worshippers. The merchant blinked his eyes and his pallid face flushed slightly. Then he said weakly, "Please forgive me, my brother! I am tired and on edge."
Radwan, a smile still on his lips, commented, "Oh, you are not to be blamed; may God give you peace and strength. Remember God often, for it is by doing so that our hearts learn contentment. Never let despair overcome your faith. True happiness denies us, exactly as we deny our faith."
Alwan gripped his chin hard and said, angry again, "They envied me. They resented my fortune and my good health. They envied me, Radwan!"
"To be envious is worse than to be ill. It is distressing how many people envy their brothers' good luck and transient fortune. Do not despair and do not be sad, and make your peace with your most merciful and forgiving God."
They talked for a long time and then Radwan Hussainy said goodbye and left. Alwan remained quiet for a while, but soon returned to his previous scowling ill temper. He was tired of sitting so long, and rose, walking slowly to the door of the office. He stood at the entrance, his arms folded behind his back. The sun was still high in the sky and the air was warm and fresh. At that time of the day the alley was nearly empty, except for Sheikh Darwish, who sat sunning himself in front of the cafe. Salim Alwan remained there a minute or two and, as he had always done in the old days, looked up toward the window. It was open and empty. He felt uncomfortable standing there and returned scowling to his chair.
23
"I won't return to the cafe, so no one will be suspicious…" That was what he had said when they had parted, and Hamida, on the morning following their meeting in Darasa Street, remembered his words. She felt full of life and happy at the thought of him. She wondered whether she ought to meet him today. Her heart immediately answered, "Yes," but she felt obstinately, "No, he must first come back to the cafe." And so she refrained from going out at her usual time. She crouched behind her window waiting to see what would happen.
The sun set and night spread its wings. Soon she saw the man coming up the alley, his eyes fixed on the gap in the shutters of her window. On his face she could see a slight smile of resignation as he sat in his usual chair. As she watched him she felt the delights of victory and revenge for the way he had punished her by appearing unexpectedly in Mousky. Their eyes met and stayed fixed on one another for a long time. She neither looked away nor moved. His smile broadened and she smiled too, although she was unaware that she did. What could he want? The question seemed idle to her, for she could see only one reason for his continuous pursuit of her. The same thing that Abbas wanted earlier and Salim Alwan too before fate struck him down. Why shouldn't this fine young man be after the same goal? Why else would he say, "Aren't you on this earth to be taken? And I'm just the one to take you!" What could this possibly mean if not marriage? There seemed to be no obstacle in the way of her dreams, for her ungovernable vanity gave her a feeling of power and enormous self-confidence. So she remained looking out at him from behind the shutters, returning his intense looks without shyness or hesitation. His eyes spoke to her with depth and feeling, sharpening all her senses and igniting all her instincts. Perhaps it was this strange and deep feeling that she had experienced without even knowing it when their eyes met that first time and he smiled at her victoriously. She was drawn to him as she had always been drawn by a challenge to battle. The truth was that his eyes revealed a great deal of herself. She had always wandered aimlessly through life and her confusion persisted before Abbas' humble gaze and the great wealth of Salim Alwan. She felt, however, that this man had been searching for her, and this excitement and attraction drew her nearer to him. She felt drawn like the needle of a compass to the poles. She also knew that he was not just a penniless beggar who would make her endure want and poverty; his appearance and his bank notes proved that. Her eyes remained fixed on him, reflecting desire and delight. She did not move from her position until he left the cafe, bidding her goodbye with a faint smile. Her eyes followed him as he went down the alley and she murmured as though in farewell, "Tomorrow."