“I never swung against a superior officer, Mr. Rogoff.”
Except my senior middy when I was posted to Helsinki, and he blackened both my eyes and kneed me so hard I couldn’t walk upright for days. But that didn’t count, did it? Challenging the first middy was understood and accepted. I wasn’t like Rogoff, was I? “You kept punching him in the face.
Your superior.”
“Sir, look at me. Pretend it’s you here, in this god-awful place. You had a bad fight, and they’re going to hang you for it. Please. Don’t do that to me.”
I made my voice hard. “It wasn’t that simple, sailor. You were fighting to protect that bloody still of yours, to make sure the officers didn’t find it. You were covering up a crime Mr. Terrill was about to discover.”
Rogoff hugged himself. He looked at the deck, shaking his head from side to side. His bare feet wiggled nervously.
“Captain,” he said, looking up, “I ain’t no angel. I do things that ain’t right. I know I been in trouble before. But the still, that’s brig time or a discharge. If I’d of realized what I was doing I wouldn’t have touched him. You gotta believe that.”
“I believe you weren’t thinking about court-martial, Mr.
Rogoff. I can’t believe you were unaware you were hitting Petty Officer Terrill. Is your being excited reason to pardon you?”
“Captain, I beg you. I’m begging for my life.”
“Please, don’t.” I didn’t want that power over him.
“Look!” He dropped to his knees in front of me. “Please, sir, I’m begging. Don’t hang me! Let me live, give me another chance!”
I scrambled to my feet, sweating. I had to get out of the cell. “Guard!”
“Sir, I’m not evil!” He put his palms on the deck, abasing himself. “Please let me live! Please!”
I didn’t run out of the cell. I walked. I walked out of the brig anteroom. I walked to the turn of the corridor outside.
Then I ran, as if the devils of hell were at my heels. I tore up the ladder past Level 2 to officers’ country, past the bridge to my cabin. I fumbled at the hatch, slapped it closed behind me. I barely made it to the head before I heaved my undigested dinner into the toilet. I remained there, shaking with fear and disgust. It was when I realized that I was kneeling with both my palms on the deck that I began to cry.
I became a hermit, refusing to leave my cabin except for brief excursions to the bridge. I had the Chief cross my name off the watch roster. My look was such that no one dared speak to me. I took meals in my cabin, refusing even to take my evening meal in the dining hall with the passengers. I pretended to myself I was sick, that I felt feverish. I lay in my bunk imagining that I was safe, in Father’s house.
In the quietest hours of the second night I had a dream.
Again I was a boy, walking toward the Academy gates. My duffel was very heavy, so heavy I could hardly carry it. I had to say something to Father, but I couldn’t speak. He walked along beside me, dour and uncommunicative as always. Yet he was ther| with me, was that not enough proof he loved me?I changed the duffel to my other arm so I could put my hand in his. Father switched to my other side. I switched the duffel back, but he stepped around me once more. I prepared the words of parting I would offer. I rehearsed them over and again until they sounded right.
The gates loomed closer. Now we were at the broad open walk in front of the Academy entrance. The sentry stood impassive guard. I turned, knowing it was time to say goodbye. Father put his hands firmly on my shoulders and turned me toward the waiting gates. He propelled me forward.
In a daze I walked though the gates, feeling an iron ring close itself around my neck as I did so. I turned. Father was striding away. I willed him to turn to me. I waved to his back.
Never looking over his shoulder, he disappeared over the rise.
The iron ring was heavy around my neck.
I awoke, shaking. Eventually my breathing fell silent. I smelled the acrid sweat on my undershirt; I stripped off my clothes and walked unsteadily to my shower to stand under the hot water a long while, motionless.
When I finally dared go back to bed I slept untroubled. In the morning I ate the breakfast Ricky brought, and left my cabin to become a human being once more.
14
“Excuse me, sir, a question.”
“What is it, Vax?” We were on watch. In the long silence, I’d been trying to empty my mind of everything, to think of nothing. I was not succeeding.
“One of the passengers, Mr. Carr, asked if I would show him Academy’s exercise drills this afternoon. I thought I ought to have your permission first.”
I could see no reason to refuse. “If you want to, Vax, I have no objection.” I smiled. “Are you about to become a drill sergeant?”
“No, sir. I thought I’d do them with him.” I should have guessed.
Time passed. Still I made no decision about the prisoners.
The next day Yorinda Vincente asked to see me. I assented.
I didn’t want her on the bridge or in my cabin, so I met her in the passengers’ lounge.
“This is on behalf of the Passengers’ Council.” Her tone was stiff. “We want to know what will happen to the ship, I mean the crew, when we get to Hope Nation.”
“You’re asking if Hiberniawill get a new Captain?”
“And other officers, yes.”
“Most of you will disembark at Hope Nation, Ms.
Vincente. How does it concern you?”
“Some of us are booked to Detour, Captain Seafort. Other plans would have to be made.” She meant that they wouldn’t want to stay on the ship if I were going to sail her. I understood. / wouldn’t want to stay on the ship if I were going to sail her.
“Hiberniais under orders from Admiralty at Lunapolis,”
I explained. “My authority as Captain derives from those orders. Admiralty has a representative, Admiral Johanson, at Hope Nation. When I report, he will relieve me of command, appoint a commissioned Captain, and assign lieutenants to the ship.”
“Are there experienced officers at Hope Nation?”
“More experienced than I, Ms. Vincente. And even if there weren’t, the Admiral is my superior officer. I’m sure he’ll relieve me and appoint a Captain of his choosing. Hiber-niawill be in good hands when she leaves Hope Nation.”
She explored all the possibilities. “I imagine skilled officers aren’t sitting around Hope Nation waiting to be posted.
What will he do if he doesn’t have enough lieutenants?”
“It’s unlikely any Naval officers are sitting around waiting, Ms. Vincente. The Service is always shorthanded. What I imagine he’ll do is borrow them from local service, and replace them with some of our own officers. Perhaps even myself.”
“People without interstellar experience?”
“Not every lieutenant goes interstellar before he’s commissioned, ma’am. As long as the Captain’s a seasoned officer, the ship will be in good hands.” I continued my reassurances until she seemed satisfied.
The next day when I met Vax on the bridge I asked, “How are your exercises going?”
“They’re not,” he said. I raised an eyebrow. He added, “Derek showed up the first day and we worked out. Easy stuff, like they give the first-year cadets. Yesterday he came again, but after a half hour he walked out.”
“What did he say?”
“Nothing, sir. He just stalked out and slammed the hatch.”
So much for Mr. Carr.
I met Amanda in the corridor on the way to the dining hall.
She stopped, waiting for me to speak first.
“I haven’t made up my mind yet, Amanda.”
“Isn’t your time about up?”
“Day after tomorrow. One way or another, it will be over by then.”
“Listen to your conscience,” she said. “Pardon them.
Years from now you’ll hate yourself if you don’t.”
“I’m still thinking.” I didn’t mention my interview with Rogoff. We went in to dinner. When I came to the part of the Ship’s Prayer, “Bring health and well-being to all aboard,” I stumbled over the words.