But no one could stop me from violating my oath.
“I won’t put up with this!” I glared at Forbee. “Someone in Hope Nation system must be rated interstellar, damn it!”
I was so frustrated I skirted blasphemy without caring.
“I’m afraid not, sir. Believe me, I’ve looked.”
“You have captains with interplanetary ratings. Any of them would be senior to me.”
“In service time, yes, sir. But any Captain Interstellar is senior to a Captain Interplanetary. Surely you know that.”
“Don’t tell me what I know!” I snapped.
“I’m sorry, sir.” His tone was placating.
We sat in silence. At length I said, “Hiberniacan’t sail with me at the helm. That’s too dangerous. And if Telstar’smissing, she may never have even made Detour; we must sail. Our supplies would be needed there more than ever.”
Forbee folded his arms. “I agree.”
“Will you search for Telstar?”He looked surprised. “That’s for you to decide, sir. You’re in charge.”
I stood, fists bunched.
“You’re senior,” he blurted. “I can’t help it. The naval station is under your command.”
“Of all the... I’ll--by Lord God--” With an effort I brought my speech under control. “These are my instructions: run the naval station exactly as you would if I hadn’t arrived! Is that clear?”
“Yes, sir. Aye aye, sir!”
“Are you going to search for Telstar,Forbee?” I was too put out to use his rank.
“We have nothing to send after her, sir. None of our local ships have fusion drive.” That was that. Search and rescue were impossible.
We couldn’t just ignore the fact that Telstarwas missing.
Word had to be sent back to Admiralty at Luna, but Hiberniawas the next ship scheduled to return--in fact, the only fusion vessel in the system. My mind spun. That meant I had to-Enough was enough. “By Lord God, I’ll resign!”
“Will you, sir?” His voice was without inflection.
“Yes. Right now. Give me my Log; I’ll write it in.” It was time to free myself from this madness. If Admiralty tried me for dereliction of duty, so be it; at least I’d kill no more passengers and crew by my stupidity. If the regs required me to remain Captain, the regs were wrong. I would follow my conscience.
I keyed the holovid to the end of the most recent entry, tapped the keys. “I, Nicholas Ewing Seafort, Captain, do hereby res--” I halted, the hairs raising on my neck. Slowly, I turned, called by the familiar touch of Father’s breath as he watched me struggle with my lessons.
Day after day, in the cold dreary Welsh afternoons, I worked my way through the texts, struggling to master new words and ideas, scrawling answers into the worn notebooks he bade me use. When I was right he gave me another problem. When I made a mistake he said only, “That’s wrong, Nicholas,” and handed me back the page to find my errors, waiting patiently behind my chair until I did.
One day I’d dropped my smudged assignment on the table and cried bitterly, “Of course it’s wrong! I always do it wrong!” He spun me around, slapped me hard, swung my chair to the table, and thrust the lesson book into my hands.
He’d said not a word. Blinking back tears I worked, my cheek smarting, until I got it right. After, he gave me another problem.
Now, in Forbee’s office, nobody was behind my chair, the
breath I’d felt but a wisp of breeze. I shivered, shook off my memories, and turned back to the holovid. “--do hereby resign my commission, effective immediately.” I put the point of the pencil to the screen to sign below the entry.
Time passed.
After a while the pencil fell from my fingers, rolled unheeded to the floor.
I couldn’t do it. I knew right from wrong; though Father wasn’t watching, he might as well have been. “ I, Nicholas Ewing Seafort, do swear upon my immortal soul to preserve and protect the Charter of the General Assembly of the United Nations, to give loyalty and obedience for the term of my enlistment to the Naval Service of the United Nations, and to obey all its lawful orders and regulations, so help me Lord God Almighty.”I’d administered the selfsame oath to Paula Treadwell and to Derek Carr. I was prepared to hang them should they break their pledge. I could not violate it myself.
Still, for a brief moment, my resolution wavered. Was my self-respect worth risking Hiberniaand her crew? Was even my immortal soul worth that? In the distance, Father waited for my reply. I will--he’d made me promise--let them destroy me before I swear to an oath I will not fulfill. My oath is all that I am.
I covered my face, ashamed of my tears. When I’d brought myself under control I put down my dampened arm, blinked in the sudden light.
I erased the entry. Captain Forbee sat motionless.
“I’m sorry. Very sorry.”
He nodded as if he understood.
“We won’t speak of it again.” My embarrassment was painful, but no more than I deserved. “I’m going back to my ship. Carry on victualing and off-loading. Report only if it’s necessary.” I stood.
“Aye aye, sir.” He got to his feet when I did. “If there’s anything I can do to help... “
“I need experienced officers. I don’t care where you get them. Find me at least two more lieutenants.”
“Aye aye, sir.” As I left the room he picked up his caller.
“Get a shuttle ready for the Commander at Admiralty House.”
Two hours later I strode through the mated airlocks onto Hibernia.Vax Holser, waiting at the hatch, fell into step beside me. “Are you all right, sir?” His manner was anxious.
“Did they accept your report?”
“I’m fine.” I started up the ladder to Level 1.
“Will they call a court of inquiry?”
“No.”
“Do you know who’ll replace you, sir?”
Why did he insist on goading me? “Mr. Holser, your duties are elsewhere. Get out from underfoot and stay out!”
Vax stopped short, shock and hurt evident. “Aye aye, sir.”
Quickly he turned away. I strode onto the bridge. Dejected, I slumped in my armchair. Vax had been worried for me, but I’d turned on him with savage anger. Would I ever learn? How often could I lash out without turning him back into a cold, unfeeling bully? The crew’s leave roster, prepared by the Chief, awaited my approval. I signed it. During Hiberniansmandatory thirtyday layover on Hope Nation the entire crew would be shuttled groundside, except for a few maintenance personnel whose shifts were rotated to provide the maximum leave. At least one officer would remain on board at all times, although he wasn’t required to stand watch.
By now all the passengers had disembarked, even those who were going on to Detour.
“Mr. Tamarov to the bridge.” I replaced the caller and waited. A few moments later Alexi appeared. “You’re on duty rotation the third week,” I told him. “That means you have two weeks off starting today, and another week at the end.”
“Aye aye, sir!” His eyes sparkled with excitement and anticipation.
“Just one thing.” His grin vanished. “As senior middy, you’re in charge of the cadets. I’m not holding them aboard the ship and we can’t turn Ricky and Paula loose in a strange colony unsupervised. Take them with you and keep an eye on them.”
“Aye aye, sir.”
He looked so crestfallen I offered a little cheer. “I didn’t mean at every minute, Alexi. You can still go out on the town. Either take them with you or bunk them down before you go. Just bring them back to the ship unharmed.”
He brightened. “Aye aye, sir. When are you going down, sir?”
“Tomorrow.”