A long pause. My bloodcurdling scream, and Vax’s shout.
“Captain, what is it?”
I spoke over my recorded reply. “It must have been one of those--things that smashed his suit visor. Then it did something to his head.” I tried not to retch.
On the speaker, I whimpered. Then, “Battle Stations!”
Vax’s shouted commands. For a moment nothing changed on the screen. A spacesuited man appeared, scrambling into the gig. Then another. After a moment the third.
The speaker said, “Oh, Jesus Lord! It’s coming out--”
“Freeze!” The image hung frozen, in response to my order. “Maximum magnification.” The screen swooped in on the amorphous shape halfway out of the hole in Telstar’shull.
Blobs of color set almost at random in the outer skin.
“Christ, it looks like an amoeba!” said Lieutenant Chantir.
“Don’t blaspheme!” I studied the screen. “It can’t be single-celled. Not if it’s that large.”
“I don’t ever want to know,” Alexi muttered. I glared him into silence.
“Go on, Darla.” The image began to move. The gig pulled clear in response to my order, drifted alongside the dead ship, waiting for me to emerge. I jetted toward the gig, tiny against the bulk of the dead ship’s hull. The bizarre goldfish floated from behind the hull. In space, I twisted to look at it. Sickened, I watched the destruction of the gig amid my own frantic shouts to Vax. “Fuse! Go to Hope Nation! Save the ship!”
The commotion blared from the speakers. “Fuse! For God’s sake, Vax! Obey orders!” I listened, unwilling, to my desperate pleas and Vax’s repeated demands that I hurry.
Then Vax Holser’s soft voice said the irretrievable, damning words. “No, sir. Not until I have you aboard.”
I put my head in my hands. “Turn it off.” My words hung flat in the sudden silence. A long moment passed. I got heavily to my feet. “Darla, please record.” Her cameras lit.
I faced Vax. “Lieutenant Holser, you deliberately disobeyed your Captain’s orders to Fuse, not once but five times.
Without question you are unfit to serve in the United Nations Naval Service. I suspend your commission for the remainder of our voyage. I will not try you, as I am not capable of judging you fairly. I have already concluded you should be hanged.” Dr. Uburu gasped; the Chief closed his eyes, shook his head.
“I will, however, recommend a court-martial on our return, and I will testify against you. For the remainder of our voyage you are forbidden to wear the Naval uniform or to associate with me or any officer. You will be moved to a passenger cabin at once. Get off my bridge!”
Vax’s face crumpled. He tried to speak, couldn’t, tried again. His huge, beefy fist pounded the side of his leg once, twice, three times as he fought for control. Then he took a deep breath. “Aye aye, sir,” he whispered. His face was ashen. He turned, marched to the hatch. Alexi slapped it open, and he was gone.
No one spoke or moved. “I am Captain here,” I grated.
“No one, not one of you, will ever disobey my order again.
Not now, not ever!” I studied their faces. “I should have hanged him for mutiny.” I walked among them, stopping in front of each. “I didn’t hang you either, Mr. Crossburn, for your refusal to do your duty. I won’t make the mistake again, with any of you. I warn you all.”
The silence was absolute.”We will maintain a three-officer watch at all times until our arrival home. You will all partici-
pate. Not you, Doctor, but everyone else. We are at war.
There will be no inattention to duty, no idle talk.” My lip curled. “No chess.” I studied them again. “Pilot, Mr.
Chantir, Mr. Tamarov, you have the watch. The rest of you are dismissed.”
I took their murmured “Aye aye, sir” in silence. The four off-duty officers filed out. I watched the Pilot and Lieutenant Chantir at their consoles for several minutes, before leaving the bridge.
I went to my cabin, sealed the hatch. Mechanically I took off my jacket, my shirt. I stripped off my pants. I stepped into the shower, stood under its hot spray for a quarter of an hour. After, I dried myself and sat on my bunk. I waited for the inevitable reaction.
My stomach churned. I ran to the head, reached it just in time. I vomited helplessly, again and again, heaving against nothing. I shuffled back to my bunk clutching my aching midriff.
When the alien had appeared in Telstar’scorridor I was utterly terrified. But whatever it might have done, facing it would have been easier than going on with my life.
29
I stayed in my cabin all that evening and into the next day.
I sent for my meals. When I ventured into the corridor it was only to stalk to the bridge. I stood my watch in absolute silence, then returned to my cabin.
On the second day I went with reluctance to the dining hall, because it was my duty. There was little conversation at my table; my haggard face discouraged anyone who might have tried to speak.
After dinner I walked the ship, past the wardroom, the lieutenants’ cabins, the bridge. I took the ladder down to Level 2. I strode with unvaried pace and frozen expression.
I passed the cabin to which Vax had been exiled. Passengers I met in the corridor stood aside.
I went down to Level 3, past the crew berths. Knots of crewmen were gathered in the corridors, talking softly. I ignored them. I went into their berths, looked about. I checked the crew exercise room, their lounge. In the engine room, the Chief stood stolidly at attention with his watch while I glanced around, then left.
I climbed up to Level 2. In the corridor young Cadet Fuentes came to attention. “Are we all right, sir? Did anything follow us?”
“Cadet, go to Lieutenant Tamarov for discipline.” My tone was harsh. “Don’t speak to the Captain unless he speaks to you!”
I knocked on the wardroom hatch. Derek opened. Paula Treadwell was lying in bed in her shorts, half asleep. Philip Tyre looked up from his bunk. Printouts of regulations were stacked on his blanket. I turned to leave and collided with Rafe Treadwell, just coming in. He jumped to attention. I ignored him.
I went back to Level 2, through the lock to the launch berth. Lieutenant Crossburn was carrying a seat onto the launch. He said nothing, his face grim. I turned on my heel and left.
I went to the infirmary. “I won’t be able to sleep tonight, Doctor. What will you give me?” I was brusque.
She looked at me a moment. “I’d prefer you tried to sleep first.”
“I don’t care what you’d prefer. Give me something.”
Still she hesitated. “Why can’t you sleep, Captain Seafort?”
“Because I’ll think.”
“About what?”
“You said this was a jinxed ship, Doctor. I’m the jinx. I didn’t make the revolt on Miningcamp, or create the life-form out there, but when things go wrong I ruin people. If I’d been a leader, Vax would have obeyed orders and he’d still have a career. Now I’ve destroyed him. And Philip, and Mr. Crossburn, and Alexi. And others. Give me the pill.”
She hesitated, then got it from the cabinet. She held it out.
“Don’t take it until you’re in your bed. And not before midnight.”
“All right.”
“Do you promise?”
I smiled sourly. “I promise.” I thrust the pill in my pocket and went back to my cabin.
I took off my jacket and tie and sat in my chair to wait out the evening. Below, Vax would be alone in his cabin; I closed my eyes and waited for the pain to abate. After a time I eyed my spacious quarters.
I hated this cabin. I hated the ship.
I wondered why the creature on Telstarhadn’t hurled one of its globs at me. Certainly Hiberniawould have been better served. I no longer had a reason to live. My career was shattered. I’d be separated by light-years from the woman I cherished. I had no friends. And, worst of all, I’d done it all to myself.