He just lay there.
“Someday there’s going to be a way for me to hurt you, Doro. Don’t think I won’t do it.”
He shrugged. He didn’t believe it. Neither did I, really. Who the hell could hurt him?
“I loved you. Why are you humiliating me like this?”
“Look,” he said, “if he has the woman there to turn to, he’s a lot less likely to let you
goad him into hurting you.”
“I’d be a lot less likely to goad him into anything if you’d get rid of Vivian.”
“You underestimate yourself,” he said grimly. “Besides, he’s in love with Vivian.. If I made him get rid of her, I guarantee you he’d take it out on you.”
“I just wish I could find a way to take this out on you.”
He got up and looked down at me. “Change your clothes,” he said. “Then we’ll go.”
I looked at myself and saw that my pants and blouse were smeared with blood from his hand. I changed my clothes, then packed the rest of my things. Finally, we drove over to Palo Verde Avenue.
While Doro introduced us, Karl and Vivian stood together looking like sister and brother and staring at my eyes. Which gave them at least one thing in common with everybody else who meets me for the first time. There were times when I wished for a nice, bland pair of brown eyes. Like Karl’s or Vivian’s. Oh, well.
I watched Vivian, saw how pretty she was, how nervous she was. She was no bigger than me, thank God, and she looked scared, which was promising. Doro had told me Karl wouldn’t let her really resent me or feel angry or humiliated. Wouldn’t let her! She was a Goddamn robot and she didn’t even know it. Or, rather, she did know it but she wasn’t allowed to care.
Karl looked like one of the bright, ambitious, bookish white guys I remembered from high school. Intense, hair already thinning. Doro had said he was twenty-eight, but he looked older. And he sounded … well, he sounded just the way I would have expected a well-brought-up guy to sound when he’s trying to be polite to somebody he can’t stand. Strained.
After the short, stiff introductions, Doro took Vivian’s hand as though this wasn’t the first time he had taken it, and said, “Let’s let them get acquainted. How about a swim?”
Vivian looked at Karl and Karl nodded. She and Doro went out together. I watched them go, wondering about things that weren’t exactly any of my business. I looked at Karl but his face was closed and cold. Then I forgot about Vivian and Doro and wondered what the hell Karl and I were supposed to do now. We were in his tennis-court-sized living room, with its wood paneling and its big white fireplace. We were sitting near the fireplace and we both stared into it instead of at each other.
Then, finally, I decided to get things started. “Do you suppose there’s any way we can do this and still have a little pride left?”
Karl looked surprised. I wondered what Doro had been telling him about me. “I was wondering if there was any way for us to manage it at all,” he said.
I shrugged. “You know as well as I do that we don’t have any choice about that. Do you know what kind of help you’re supposed to give me?”
“I’m to shield you from the thoughts and emotions you receive when they get to be too much for you. Doro seems to think they will.”
“Did they for you?”
“In a way. I passed out a few times.”
“Shit, I’m already doing that. It hasn’t killed me yet. Did anybody help you?”
“Not that way. All I had was someone to keep me from banging myself up too badly physically.”
“Then, why the hell … ? No offense, but why am I supposed to need you?”
“I don’t know.”
“Oh, well. I guess it doesn’t matter. It’s his decision and we’re stuck with it. All we can do is try to find the least uncomfortable way of living with it.”
“We’ll work something out.” He stood up. “Let me show you around the house.”
He showed me his fantastic library first, and that helped me warm to him a little. A guy with a room like that in his house couldn’t be all bad. Like the living room, it was huge, with that beautiful wood paneling. The fireplace and the windows were the only spots of wall not covered with books. Most of the floor was covered by the biggest oriental rug I had ever seen. There was a long, solid, heavy wooden reading table, a big desk, a lot of upholstered chairs. The high ceiling was wood carved in a regular octagonal pattern and hung with four small, simple chandeliers. While I was growing up, Forsyth Public Library was my second home. It was someplace I could go and be by myself. I could get away from Rina and her whining and her johns and away from Emma period. I actually liked the little old ladies who worked there, and they sort of adopted me. That was where I got into the habit of reading everything I could get my hands on. And now … well, old-fashioned libraries of wood and stone and books were still like home to me. The city tore down Forsyth Public a few years ago and built a new one of steel and glass and concrete and air conditioning that was always turned too high. A cold box. I went to it two or three times, then gave up. But Karl’s library was perfect. I had walked away from him to look at some of the book titles.
“You like books?”
I jumped. I hadn’t heard him come up beside me. “I love them. I hope you don’t care if I spend a lot of time in here.”
Karl made a straight line of his mouth and glanced over at his desk. His desk, right. His work area.
“Okay, so I won’t spend a lot of time in here. Show me my room, will you?”
“You can use the library whenever I’m not working in here,” he said.
“Thanks.” I could see there was going to be a certain coldness about this library, too.
He showed me the rest of the first floor before he took me up to what was going to be my bedroom. Large, businesslike kitchen. Large, businesslike cook. She was friendly, though, and she was a black woman. That helped. Formal dining room. Small, handsome studywhy the hell couldn’t Karl work there? Game room with billiard table. Large service porch. As big as the house was, though, it was smaller than it looked from the outside. I thought it might turn out to be a more comfortable home than I had expected.
Karl and I stood on the porch and looked out at his park of a back yard. Tennis court. Swimming pool and bath house. We could see Doro and Vivian splashing around in the pool. Grass. Trees. There was a multicar garage off to one side, and I got a glimpse of a cottage almost hidden by trees.
“The gardener and his wife live out there,” Karl told me. “His wife is the maid. The cook helps with the housework, too, when she isn’t busy in the kitchen. She lives upstairs, in the servants’ quarters.”
“Did you inherit all this or something?” I asked. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d said, “None of your business.”
“I had one of my people sign it over to me,” he said. “He was going to put it up for sale anyway and he didn’t need the money.”
I looked at him. The expression on his thin, angular face hadn’t changed at all. I hooted with laughter. I couldn’t help it. “You stole it! Oh, God. Beautiful; you’re human,
after all. And here I have to make do with shoplifting.”
He gave me a forced smile. “I’ll show you where your room is now.”
“Okay. Can I ask you another question?”
He shrugged.
“How do you feel about black people?”
He looked at me, one eyebrow raised. “You’ve seen my cook.”
“Right. So how do you feel about black people?”
“I’ve known exactly two of them well before now. They were all right.” Emphasis on the “they.”
I frowned, looked at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“That you shouldn’t get the idea that I dislike you because you’re black.”