Jamie doesn’t have to say anything because she can tell by the stilted expression on his face that’s he’s beyond angry with her.
And her emotions get the better of her then.
All the effort she went to. For what?
She starts to cry. Huge wracking sobs that rip through her body, making her shake.
‘Jesus, Rebecca. What’s got into you?’ Jamie said, taking Ella from her. He holds her awkwardly, away from his body so that he doesn’t get his suit covered in vomit, before bending down and grabbing a spare blanket from the bottom of the pushchair and wrapping it around her.
‘I brought you some lunch. I thought it would be nice. The three of us. I just wanted to surprise you,’ she said, wiping her running nose. Her tears subsiding as she watched Jamie lay Ella down on the office sofa and change her out of her puke-sodden clothes.
And she feels it again, the jealousy that wells up inside of her as Jamie deals with Ella so attentively. Giving their daughter the time and attention he no longer has for her. Hot flushes of shame wash over her, because despite herself she can’t control it. She’s tried so hard to make everything right, but once again she’s messed everything up.
When he’s done cleaning her up, Jamie kisses Ella on her forehead before placing her back in her buggy. Ella seems a bit better now. No longer crying. Quieter, more settled.
But Jamie is still as cold as ice.
‘She’s not well. You better take her home. I’ll have Maggie call you a cab.’
Rebecca bristles.
He’s dismissing her.
Suddenly she feels so hurt, so humiliated that she can’t find her voice, so instead she simply nods in agreement and allows Jamie to usher her from his office as if she’s a scolded child.
Back at the reception desk, Rebecca can barely look at Maggie as the woman shoots her a sympathetic look. Because she knows Maggie tried to stop her from going to the office. And she knows now that when Maggie suggested calling ahead, she hadn’t been trying to cover for Jamie, she’d been trying to protect her and Ella.
‘Can you call Rebecca a cab please? Ella’s not well,’ Jamie says, as Rebecca eyes the other staff that walk by and look at them, convinced that Jenna has already told her colleagues about Jamie’s emotional wreck of a wife turning up unexpectedly and catching them both in his office together.
She can already imagine the Chinese whispers. The rumours.
She bet everyone knew.
‘Don’t worry about the cab,’ Rebecca said, pushing the buggy towards the main doors, before Jamie or Maggie could insist otherwise. ‘I’ll walk. The air will do Ella good.’
‘I’ll be late tonight,’ Jamie said curtly, still visibly annoyed as he walked Rebecca out. ‘I’ll see you later.’
Rebecca was left standing on the street then, staring at Jamie’s silhouette as he walked back into the tall glass building. Alone amid the chaos of the busy Mayfair road with its queues of traffic in complete gridlock. The bustling sound of people in their droves as they stepped around her, as if she wasn’t even there.
As if she was invisible.
As Rebecca pushed the pram down the footpath, almost in a trance as she headed for home, that was exactly how she felt.
Chapter Ten
Wiping the rain from her face, Rebecca had been in such a trance with her thoughts she hadn’t realised the heavens had opened. She should have got the Tube, she thought as she looked up at the bleak, grey sky noting the dark clouds that loomed above her, droplets of rain pelting down on her and the pushchair.
However, she couldn’t face the hordes of people, so she’d wandered the streets of London, preferring to walk the hour journey back to their home in Kensington instead. Unable to get thoughts of Jamie cheating on her with that little tramp, Jenna.
‘Shit!’ she said, as the sky above her opened up, the rain heavy now.
Bending down to the basket underneath the pushchair, she searched for the rain cover, cursing loudly when she realised it wasn’t there, that she’d forgotten to bring it out with her.
Who did that? What kind of mother forgot something so important? Another thing to add to the endless list of her being a crap mother. She was useless.
Taking her coat off, Rebecca draped it over the pushchair to ensure that Ella kept dry at least; she didn’t care about herself.
They weren’t far from home now. Another mile or so, and they’d get there quicker if she cut through Hyde Park. Crossing the road opposite the parade of shops, Rebecca picked up her pace. The last thing she needed right now was for Ella to come down with a cold or chest infection because of her forgetfulness.
Another thing that Jamie could get pissed off about.
‘Oh, this is just great!’ she mumbled, as the rain began to pour down, the clouds above her opening up, followed by a huge clap of thunder. Within seconds she was soaked through, her hair and dress clinging to her skin. Her carefully done make-up now running down her face. She was walking so fast that she’d given herself a stitch. She’d gone from a hot sweaty mess to a drowned rat. Not exactly what she’d planned.
She was the only idiot out in it, the bad weather seemingly driving anyone with a decent amount of common sense away and into the warm somewhere.
Hyde Park felt eerie without the usual bustle of people walking around. Bleak and depressing, just like her mood.
Steering the buggy along the crooked pathway, Rebecca replayed the conversation she and Lisa had. She’d been wrong about her brother; it wasn’t a case of just talking to Jamie. He wouldn’t just understand.
It wasn’t as simple as that.
Becoming a parent changes you. And having Ella had changed Rebecca completely.
She wasn’t the same person anymore, she knew that. Some days she didn’t know who she was at all.
Fatherhood had changed Jamie too. He’d become so bitter and resentful that Rebecca’s focus had completely been on Ella. That she always seemed so preoccupied with making sure their tiny daughter had everything she needed. In Jamie’s eyes, Rebecca making Ella her priority meant she was neglecting her husband.
Rebecca took a deep breath, wiping the rain from her face again. She was irritated now; it angered her that men could be so pathetic and weak, and she was annoyed with herself for ever believing that Jamie would be any different. That he was better.
He clearly wasn’t. Instead of trying to fix what was broken, he’d looked for solace in the nearest, easiest option. Jenna was Jamie’s easy option.
Though she had no proof, Rebecca had seen it with her own eyes when she’d walked into his office earlier. The intimacy between them as they’d exchanged awkward looks. The fact he’d called out her name while they’d been having sex.
She knew he’d betrayed her.
Rebecca winced, tasting blood on her tongue as she realised she’d been biting her lip. Looking down at her hands as she steered the pushchair through the narrow pathway at the park’s edge, she noted how white her knuckles were as her hands locked in a grip around the handle.
She could feel the rage building inside at the thought of her husband’s infidelity.
How could Jamie do this to her? To Ella? They had only been together for less than eighteen months and already Jamie was ready to trade her in for an easy fuck with a girl half his age?
He had shattered whatever hope she’d had for them and broken them both completely.
She was crying now, her feet burning in pain as she continued to walk in her uncomfortable high heels. The park felt as if it went on for miles and the heavy rainfall mixed with her tears and blurred her vision as she walked towards the exit.