‘He didn’t threaten you? He didn’t try to hurt you or take your bag?’ Jamie shook his head, staring at Rebecca in disbelief as he tried to piece together her story that had changed completely since she’d called him. This was far from the description of an actual assault she’d claimed had happened over the phone.
‘That’s what I can’t make sense of. If he wanted to hurt me or threaten me, he had the perfect opportunity and if he wanted my bag, it was hanging on the handles of the pushchair…’
‘Where was Ella when all this happened?’ Jamie said, looking down at the baby monitor that seemed to be permanently fixed to Rebecca’s hand.
‘She was in her buggy, fast asleep. She’s fine. She didn’t even stir when I carried her up to her nursery,’ Rebecca repeated, before crying harder. ‘What if it was just an accident?’
‘Rebecca, he pushed you to the floor. He would have had to use considerable force. He knew. You were assaulted and you need to call the police. Let them do what they are paid to do,’ Jamie said, exasperated at this being yet another thing for Rebecca to get stressed out and upset about, he picked up the house phone to make the call. Whatever had happened to Rebecca had left her distraught enough for her to be locking herself away in the house, distraught enough to be calling him out of work to come home. And if it was nothing, and somehow Rebecca had got it all wrong, at least having the police look into it would ease Rebecca’s obvious fears.
Rebecca had other ideas. Snatching the phone from Jamie’s hand, she pleaded, ‘No, Jamie, please! I don’t want to call the police. That will just make things worse. Please, just leave it!’
‘How could it make anything worse?’ Jamie said, watching as Rebecca paced the lounge. ‘Rebecca, you’re not making any sense,’ Jamie said truthfully.
‘Because what if I’m wrong? What if I’ve made a mistake? They’ll think I’m crazy. I mean, I was walking along in a world of my own… daydreaming…’
Thinking about you cheating on me.
Thinking about your betrayal.
‘I’m so tired and stressed out lately, Jamie. I’m not thinking straight. I keep going over it again and again in my head, but what if I’ve somehow exaggerated everything in my mind? What if this guy just accidentally walked into me? And he didn’t realise that I fell? Maybe that’s what happened. That’s why they didn’t stop? I mean, it’s possible isn’t it?’
Only Rebecca knew it hadn’t been an accident. She remembered it. The quick, jerky shove of the man’s body, shunting into her just as he passed her. There was no way he wouldn’t have known he pushed her. He would have felt it too.
‘But you said you were attacked, Rebecca?’ Jamie said now, forced patience to his tone now. ‘You sounded terrified. What’s changed since we got off the phone?’
‘Nothing. Everything,’ Rebecca replied, aware of how pathetic she sounded. ‘I can’t even trust my own mind. I’m so tired, Jamie. I hardly slept last night. And I feel so on edge all the time. I just freaked myself out.’ There was a part of her that wanted to tell Jamie about the medication she’d been prescribed. About the doctor diagnosing her with post-natal depression. Maybe that was all part of it.
Maybe that’s why she felt as if she was starting to lose her mind. Forgetting everything all the time. Feeling so anxious and paranoid. And now this.
Only, she was too scared of Jamie’s reaction.
What if he thought she wasn’t a fit mother, that she wasn’t to be trusted looking after Ella?
She was so desperate to show him she was still the woman he’d fallen in love with and married, but she had everything against her now and she already felt as if she was slowly losing him.
‘It’s happened a couple of times now,’ she said quietly. Unsure whether to tell Jamie or not. Uncertain of how he’d react. ‘It happened the other day too, when I took Ella to the café. I thought I was just being paranoid, because whenever I looked, there was no one there. And I know it sounds crazy, but I felt it. It’s as if I can sense someone watching me. Following me. And I can’t shake the feeling that I’m not safe…’
‘Jesus Christ,’ Jamie said, running his hands through his hair. ‘Why am I only hearing this now, why haven’t you told me any of this before? If that’s the case, then that’s even more reason to call the police!’
‘No, Jamie. Wait. I don’t want to call them, because what if it’s all in my head? What if it’s me, and I’m freaking myself out over nothing? You know, overthinking everything. Feeling paranoid. I keep thinking all kinds of things are going to happen to Ella. I keep worrying that I’m going to mess up.’ Worried that he was going to walk out on her, that he’d go back to the office and she wouldn’t see him again until tonight, Rebecca knew she had to be honest with him. That when he did finally return home, he’d retreat to the solitude of his office. Rebecca knew she had to be straight with him.
‘The doctor has given me these,’ she said, reaching into her handbag where she’d been hiding the box of medication.
‘Antidepressants?’ Jamie said, his voice quieter now. He looked hurt.
‘I was going to tell you. I’ve only just started taking them… a few days ago…’ She trailed off.
Opening the box, Jamie eyed the sealed blister packets, and saw that Rebecca was telling the truth. Only a few of the tablets were missing.
‘I was embarrassed, Jamie. And I felt like a failure. But the doctor said post-natal depression is more common that most people realise,’ Rebecca said, desperately trying to explain, to make him understand why she’d kept the truth from him. ‘And it hasn’t been that easy to talk to you lately.’ She faltered, suddenly nervous to say what was really on her mind. ‘You’re never home and when you are, you barely talk to me. You seem so distracted. And then today when I saw you with your PA… Jenna. I just thought…’
She tails off then, searching Jamie’s eyes for a hint of understanding, only she sees his expression change.
‘You thought what?’ A strange, twisted sound escapes from his mouth. He’s looking at her strangely and Rebecca can’t meet his eyes.
‘Me and Jenna?’ he says incredulously, as if he’s finally pieced everything together. ‘That’s why you don’t want me to call the police? You weren’t attacked, were you? You made this all up?’
Rebecca paused, biting her lip, knowing that whatever she said next would damn her, regardless.
She didn’t want Jamie to call the police.
It was too much of a risk involving them. Because they might start digging around and asking questions about her life before Jamie.
So she simply stood there silently and said nothing. Her silence spoke volumes to Jamie, and he shook his head.
‘For fuck’s sake, Rebecca! What is this? Just some sick and twisted way of getting my attention, is that it? Why? To punish me for, what? For having lunch with my PA?’ Jamie screwed his eyes shut, rubbing his temples with the pads of his hands, as he felt the onslaught of the mother of all headaches coming on. ‘I left a client in the middle of a meeting to get back here to check you were okay – a really fucking important client, Rebecca. Business that could potentially bring thousands of pounds worth of new revenue into the company. And I just ran out. I abandoned it, because I was worried about you and Ella. But this isn’t about being attacked. Being pushed, or falling, or whatever the fuck you want to pretend is going on here. You think something is going on with me and Jenna. Jesus, Rebecca. Why didn’t you just come out and bloody say it? Making up stories? It’s playground bullshit.’ Grabbing his keys from the sideboard, Jamie took a deep breath, clenching his jaw as he fought to control his temper.