She’d done it.
She’d escaped.
Replaying the vows back inside her head as she finished the last gulp of champagne, Rebecca closed her eyes and leaned back on the cushion behind her, Jamie’s words whirling around inside her head. ’Til death do us part.
You know what, Jamie Dawson, I believe you, she thinks.
Because he is her lifeline. Her second chance.
He has no idea how lost and broken she was before him. But she knows that she is safe now.
I am forever yours and you are mine.
Chapter Two
‘She looks just like her mummy!’ The nurse beamed, placing the swaddled baby down on Rebecca’s chest.
‘I can’t believe she’s here,’ Rebecca said, a loud sob escaping her mouth, finally relaxing as she sunk back into the pillows behind her. Overwhelmed and completely exhausted, the twenty-three hours of labour she’d just endured had almost beaten her. But it had all been worth it, she thought as she stared down at her precious baby daughter, every minute of excruciating pain that had violently ripped through her.
Even the pregnancy had taken it out of her.
It was all lies, what they told you about the pregnancy glow; she’d found that out the hard way. All those magazine articles about women blooming in pregnancy.
Rebecca hadn’t bloomed. Not one little bit. Instead she’d felt out of control, as if her body had been taken over by a tiny, greedy alien who was sucking all the energy and vigour from her.
But none of that mattered now as she held her child in her arms.
Looking down at her daughter’s face she tried to work out who she looked like more, her or Jamie? Either way she was perfect, and Rebecca had never felt such a rush of love.
‘She’s so tiny. She looks so fragile.’
‘Don’t be fooled, Rebecca. She’s a lot stronger than she looks, just like her mum!’ The midwife reassured her as Jamie stepped forward, beaming proudly and placing a kiss on Rebecca’s forehead as he stared down at his daughter.
‘I couldn’t agree more. You did amazingly. I’m so proud of you. She’s perfect.’
Jamie was in complete awe of Rebecca and how she’d managed to keep her cool throughout the entire process of giving birth. Guided by the midwife, she’d concentrated on the breathing techniques they’d been shown in their antenatal classes. Slow and steady. Breathe through the contractions.
Though all they’d been told had been wasted on him, it seemed.
Because in the moment, Jamie had panicked. Fretting and worrying every time Rebecca screamed out in pain, or the monitor bleeped loudly. He’d felt powerless, seeing his wife in so much agony and knowing that there was nothing he could do to help her. So he’d done what little he could, placing a cool flannel on her forehead and massaging her back, all the while telling her how well she was doing.
Because she really had. Rebecca had taken it all in her stride and just breathed her way through it and just when Jamie had thought she physically couldn’t go on any longer, somehow, she did. It was as if she went inside herself, closing her eyes and searching for the last reserve of strength buried there, before delivering their child out into the world with one final, agonising push.
‘She is perfect, isn’t she,’ Rebecca cooed, besotted by the little life that had been placed in her arms. She stared down at her daughter’s mop of red hair, her plump pink skin, wondering what it was she’d been so worried about her entire pregnancy. Staring at her daughter, feeling the waves of overwhelming love, she instantly dismissed the pent-up feelings that had consumed her throughout her pregnancy, the constant fear whether she would be capable of loving this child inside of her.
She’d never wanted children. They’d never factored into any of her plans. Only Jamie was adamant that he wanted to start a family as soon as possible after they’d married, and Rebecca wanted to give him the world, no matter the cost.
She wanted them to be perfect. And maybe now it really would be. Because she’d been wrong to think that she wasn’t capable of loving a child of her own. Not after what happened before. But she didn’t want to think about any of that.
She truly knew that now.
The second the delicate little life had been placed in her arms, it was as if something had been ignited deep within her, an instant connection, like nothing Rebecca had ever experienced before. And something more than that, a fierce protectiveness swelled inside her.
‘I’m going to be the best mummy you could ever wish for, my darling,’ Rebecca said, kissing the top of her child’s head.
‘You guys!’ Lisa’s voice cracked with emotion as she walked into the delivery room and saw the three of them. Embracing the sight of her brother and his new little family. ‘Jamie told the nurse that I could pop in and see you? Is that okay, I don’t want to disturb you… Ahh! It’s a girl?’ Lisa said, unable to hold back her tears as she spotted the blush pink blanket in which the tiny new-born baby was swaddled.
‘It is indeed!’ Jamie nodded proudly. ‘Come and meet your new niece,’ he beamed, holding out his arm to invite Lisa over.
‘Oh, she’s just beautiful,’ Lisa said, wiping a tear that ran down her cheek. ‘Oh God, what am I like, eh? I just can’t believe how perfect she is.’
Jamie laughed.
‘This is your Auntie Lisa,’ Jamie said to the baby, ‘and as much as she makes out she’s a tough nut, I think we’ve just found her weak spot, little lady.’
Lisa playfully elbowed her brother in the ribs, then she smiled at Rebecca.
‘Congratulations to you both. Do you need anything? Can I do anything for you?’
‘Nope, your brother’s got it all covered. I think he was in more of a panic throughout all of this than me.’
‘Jamie? Flapping around in a panic?’ Lisa said, feigning shock. Teasing her brother. They all knew Jamie was normally so calm and organised. Becoming a new father had set him on edge. Lisa knew it was only because he wanted to do a good job. ‘I don’t believe you!’
The two women both laughed then as Jamie rolled his eyes.
‘I couldn’t help myself. Seriously, I really don’t know how she did it,’ Jamie said, eager to hold his daughter now. ‘Can I?’
Rebecca nodded her head, allowing Jamie to take the baby from her arms. Seeing that the sleeves of her hospital gown had pulled up as she handed over the baby to her husband, Rebecca quickly tugged them back down.
But she caught the look on Lisa’s face, at the concern etched there, as she caught sight of the raised white scars that zigzagged their way up Rebecca’s arms.
Seeing the uncomfortable look on Rebecca’s face, Lisa tried to spare the woman any awkwardness, immediately looking away and pretending she hadn’t seen. Instead, she stood with her brother, cooing and laughing at Jamie acting so besotted with his newborn daughter.
Rebecca thought of Mark then, rubbing her arms self-consciously, as if to soothe the old scars that had been sliced into her skin with sharp, jagged glass. The small circular cigarette burns that were dotted between them.
Tears suddenly stung her eyes as she realised she’d never completely be free of him.
Because he was always there, haunting her, in the back of her mind.
Even now, in moments like this, where everything should be so perfect. She had her new life, her new family. But she would always have constant memories of the pain she went through.
The memories of him and what he’d done to her.
‘Hey!’ Jamie said, interrupting Rebecca’s thoughts and mistaking the pained look on her face for her feeling bereft at not holding their daughter. ‘She’s right here, honey. She’s not going anywhere.’