He’s playing a dangerous game keeping Ella from her mother and seeing the distress on Rebecca’s face is almost too much to bear.
‘Maybe he’s gone into work? Do you think he’d have taken Ella with him?’ Rebecca says, without waiting for an answer as she picks up the phone and dials Maggie’s number.
But Maggie tells her she hasn’t seen Jamie this morning, that he’s called to clear his diary for the next couple of days, saying Rebecca wasn’t well. Maggie wishes her a speedy recovery.
Rebecca thanks her before hanging up. A surge of panic ripples through her, as she wonders if he’s with Jenna.
Surely he wouldn’t do that to her though, would he? He wouldn’t take Ella to stay with his mistress?
‘Maybe I should call the police?’ she says, feeling her anxiety building.
She has to do something. She can’t just sit around and wait for him to come home.
‘The police won’t do anything, Rebecca,’ Lisa said, trying to reason with her friend. ‘I know you’re upset, but Jamie is Ella’s father. Technically he hasn’t done anything wrong. And you’ve just been discharged from a psychiatric unit. Maybe you should just wait for him to come home?’
Her words hit the mark.
Rebecca pauses, her fingers hovering over the phone’s keypad. ‘You’re right.’ Rebecca says resignedly, placing the phone back down on the dock. Jamie hasn’t committed an offence. He’s taken his daughter somewhere. A child he had as much right to as her.
And Officer Blythe wasn’t exactly her biggest fan. He probably wouldn’t blame Jamie for taking some time out.
Poor man, being married to a woman so broken like her.
She takes a deep breath, swallowing down her hurt and anxiety. Aware that Lisa is still staring at her, concern etched all over her face as she hovers just inside the office doorway.
Rebecca knows exactly what she’s thinking. She’s wondering If she’s really okay. If the doctors haven’t made a mistake letting her out again.
Looking at her sister-in-law’s face, Rebecca knows she needs to keep her head together and takes a deep breath.
‘You know what, you’re right. Jamie probably just needs some time, he’ll be back. I think the past few days have just caught up with me. I’m not myself. Maybe a lie down will help. I’m exhausted. I’ve barely slept,’ Rebecca says, rubbing her forehead, trying to iron out the increasing throb behind her eyes.
‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ Lisa asks, still not convinced. Watching as Rebecca wipes the beads of sweat that have formed on her top lip. As she sits back in the chair and unclenches her fists.
‘Yeah, I’m sorry. I’m overreacting. I just wanted to see Ella, that’s all. But you’re right. Jamie isn’t going to keep Ella from me on purpose. He wouldn’t do that.’
She sees Lisa visibly relax, before asking, ‘Shall I make us some tea before I go?’ But Rebecca shakes her head.
‘I think I’m going to go straight up. I’ll feel better after I’ve had a nap,’ she says, with more conviction that she thought she could muster.
‘Okay, babe. You do that. It’s almost three o’clock now, so how about I call you in a few hours? Maybe I can grab us a takeaway for dinner tonight, yeah? When Jamie’s home?’
Rebecca agrees, leaning into Lisa by the front door and hugging her goodbye.
‘Thank you so much for today. For coming to the hospital to collect me. And for minding Ella last night. I know things have been mad around here lately. But I’m going to get back on top of everything. I’m going to make everything right. You don’t need to worry about me. I’m going to be just fine. We’re all going to be fine.’
‘I know you are, darling. You just get some rest,’ Lisa says, pulling away. Rebecca sees a flash of something in her eyes, as if she wants to say something else, only she changes her mind at the last second and instead blows Rebecca a kiss, closing the door behind her as she leaves.
Rebecca waits. Leaning against the front door as if to steady herself.
Her legs are trembling and the pain in her head is tearing through her skull now, as a million thoughts whirl around inside her brain.
The banging has returned, and she feels sick and dizzy all at once. She recognises the onslaught of another panic attack, only she was doing her damnedest to rein it in. To hide her angst from Lisa so that she didn’t have cause to be concerned.
But now she’s gone, Rebecca is burning with rage.
He’s done this on purpose. He’s done this to hurt her.
She can’t even see straight now, the pain behind her eyes so severe.
That familiar tightening inside her chest.
She needs her bed. She needs to close her eyes and pretend for a few hours that none of this has happened.
She needs it all to go away, just for a little while, so she can gather her strength and work out what she is going to do next.
Because something’s not right and she won’t be the victim in all of this.
Not again.
Not after last time.
When Jamie finally comes home, she needs to be ready for him.
Chapter Thirty
Let’s bring it back, Rebecca.
Right back to where it all started.
How did I get here? To this dark, abysmal place.
How did I sink this low?
You.
You brought me to my knees.
You did this to me.
I was blinded by you, Rebecca. By the act you put on. By your charm and your beauty.
But do you know what, Rebecca? I see through all your pretence.
Your beauty has faded to nothing these days.
And you’re pitiful.
I know this, because I can finally see you for all that you are.
It’s tiring, watching you. The sight of you, wallowing in your own self-pity, jumping at the sight of your own shadow most days.
You’re a fucking mess, and for a while that bought me great satisfaction.
To know that you’re suffering greatly.
Because you deserve to suffer.
And I will make sure you do, because I know all your secrets, Rebecca.
And I’m going to use them to break you.
Despite the act and the bravado you once might have possessed, you’re weak now.
Rebecca Dawson, a loving wife, the doting mother. Don’t make me laugh.
It’s all lies, isn’t it?
And having Ella… becoming a mother… it’s made you vulnerable, hasn’t it?
That’s when the cracks started appearing.
It pleases me immensely, how something so tiny and fragile has made you so unexposed and weak.