The SHO shot a glance over to a constable, who came forward and handcuffed Khalifa. The head constable put his hand on Basharat’s shoulder and led him into another room. He said, ‘First there will be a warrant put out for your arrest. Since the vehicle in question is itself illegal, hence the goods within it are subject to confiscation. The secretary will prepare a transfer of property document. The “complaintiff” has himself committed various crimes, and so…’
Basharat’s head started to spin. If you asked him then, he wouldn’t have been able to tell you the difference between up and down.
The Lowdown on the Lockup
Spending just four hours in a jail’s holding cell will teach a man more about life (and about being human) than forty years at a university. Inside, Basharat grew wise fast, and he was scared. The most surprising thing was the sort of language they used in the station. While he could figure out what ‘complaintiff’ meant, the secretary was calling one man (who had forced a girl, still a minor, to marry him) a ‘marriage-by-forcinicator.’ He figured out by listening to the staff talk amongst themselves that they considered there to be two types of people: one, those who have been in jail; and, two, those who haven’t been in jail yet but should be. The majority of the country’s people were the not-yet-punished, and this was the fundamental reason for all mischief and violence. Whatever they talked about, they liked to use the suffixes ‘yaftah’ and ‘shudah’: the guy screaming out from time to time in the ‘health spa’ (the interrogation room) was either an ex-con [sabiq saza-yaftah] or out on bail [muchalke-shudah]. The assistant sub-inspector was dealing with two women arrested for public indecency: the one was a married woman [shadi-shudah], and the other was done for [shudah], meaning, someone of no standing. The head constable had won some awards [inam-yaftah]; he read aloud the last will and testament of a deceased man [vafat-yaftah]. One report detailed one thug’s bad manners [ghair-qabu-yaftah chal-chalan]. With regard to one burned-out residential building, there was mention of destroyed things [barbad-shudah] and a ruined [tabah-shudah] reputation. In the course of one interrogation, the ASI was asking one ‘complaintiff,’ ‘When did you learn of the abovementioned man’s demise [vafat-shudagi]?’ Every action was Persianized. For example, the execution of a summons by notarization; the reason for the deceased’s expiration; the damage to all rifles (and their cartridges) of the existing police station due to their atrophication, iron oxidation, and prolongation of time; and the staff’s collective stupefaction!
In the station, there were only two types of weapons: sharp-edged ones, and non-sharp-edged ones. About the weapon that had caused welts on the plaintiff’s witness’s butt and swelling on his head, it was reported in the station’s logbook that the doctor had determined that the aforementioned witness had been bludgeoned by a non-sharp-edged weapon in the middle of the marketplace. Meaning, by a shoe! In the ‘health spa,’ one man was having the truth beaten out of him at ten at night. Basharat learned that those people who, after being beaten with a shoe, confessed to crimes they didn’t commit were called ‘royal witnesses.’ The man was screaming a lot; this showed that he was still stubbornly holding onto his notion of truth. In Punjabi, you call this extracurricular activity of shoes ‘chhitrol.’ When business at the station slowed a little, three constables again brought in the eyewitness in a rape case, sat him down, and made him recite everything, which he did with the sort of pride that little kids show when reciting nursery rhymes to their parents’ friends. Each time, he added new details; he coloured the scene in with new colours of criminal longing… It wasn’t like that… I just wanted it to be like that… The three constables were listening attentively, as though he were reciting poetry. From time to time they offered him envious praise, and from time to time they cursed him out admiringly. The next morning, when they were taking the plaintiff’s testimony, everyone, including the criminals in the holding cells, was listening with bated breath.
At the station, every incident only ‘allegedly’ happened. For example, The accused came out of his alleged place of residence and attacked the plaintiff’s witnesses. With his front teeth, he separated two inches off the end of the nose of Miss Naziran’s alleged lover, Sher Dil Khan, and allegedly swallowed Exhibit A, meaning, the present nose’s missing part. The disaffected witness, Miss Naziran, of unknown parentage, at first refused to sign the BSST in the presence of the ASI. But later, ‘without any outside compulsion,’ she signed the BSST with her left hand’s thumbprint.
At nine o’clock, an evening newspaper’s crime reporter came. His paper’s circulation was at a standstill. He said to the ASI, ‘Ustad, you haven’t given me anything for two weeks. Is this a police station or a paupers’ cemetery? In your precinct, all the criminals have either renounced the life of crime or they’ve been recruited into the police ranks. If this keeps up, then we’ll both be out of a job.’ The ASI replied, ‘My dear sir, sit down, sit down. Today we snared a live one. You don’t get a scoop like this but once in a lifetime. He’s in the side-room retelling his eyewitness account for the tenth time. Go listen to it. And, hey, in the last four days, you haven’t published a single letter to the editor arguing against my transfer. If I’m not here, then who’s going to get you the goods? Hey, Basheera! You hear me? Two cups of Sulemani tea. And hurry. Fill it to the rim. And thick with cream, so thick that a pencil should be able to stand up in it. And, Firozuddin, tell that revolutionary in the health spa to pipe down, will you? It’s only evening, and the bastard’s already moaning about something. I mean, the love has only just begun, and he’s crying? He’s already hoarse from screaming. Sir, there’s nothing more disgraceful than a man crying. The bastard thinks he’s Hasan Nasir or something. I gave him four ice-cold beers at five o’clock. He was so happy. After the third one, he started to explain to me — yes, sir, to me—the line “go on putting beneath the guillotine your revolutionary heads.” He drank the fourth, and then I didn’t let him go to the toilet. And so he stood up and lit a revolution in his pants three times. Sir, we’re just following orders. He’s just about to get transferred to Lahore Fort. They’ll be able to get everything out of him. This bastard’s tragedy is that he doesn’t have anything to admit. So he’ll get it even more.’
The Event Participants
Hearing about this, the reporter grinned ear to ear. He was so happy he ordered a cigarette and two sweet paans. Then he got out a peppermint and his notebook. It had been so long since he’d had a meaty story. He decided he would tell his short-story-writer friend, Sultan Khavar, about it; he asked every day for him to find a ‘real-life drama.’ Even before hearing the details of the rape case, his mind began to sizzle with headlines. He resolved to put his best foot forward in the headline itself… A 70-year-old Man Darkens the Face of a 7-year-old Girl… He’d written that headline last year; he’d subtracted ten years from the girl’s age and added it to the man’s age to make the crime appear that much more serious so as to increase the readers’ interest.
Mirza Abdul Wadud Baig says that it’s too bad that all the Urdu synonyms for such a bland word as ‘rape’ contain some hint of carnal pleasure; pick any headline at random, any phrase, and there will be some hint of sexual pleasure… The Accused Ripped the Hem of Chastity off the Beautiful Young Girl… Under the Cover of Night’s Darkness, a 70-year-old Man is Caught Red-handed in a Shameful Act… A 65-year-old Man Played with the Young Virgin All Night Long… (As though the real objection was to the man’s age, for which he could not be held responsible. In fact, this headline was a mix of ethics and the elements of surprise, curiosity, and jealousy, with ethics being only a quarter of the content.) The Four Accused Made the Young Damsel the Target of Their Lust… The Beastly Criminal Robbed the Woman of Her Chastity at Gunpoint; He Wouldn’t Let Up till the Cops Showed Up…