“I wish you would tell me. Not knowing is just going to make me worry more.”
I swallowed hard and said, “Let’s just say she’s going to have some bruises and I’m responsible.”
“Oh Gods, Rowan…” she breathed. “You assaulted her?”
“It’s okay,” I told her. “No permanent damage. It really sounds worse than it was.”
“You’d best be right. Should I call Jackie then?”
It didn’t surprise me that she brought up our attorney. Her name had crossed my mind too. “No. Not yet, anyway. If I get charged with something then yeah, for sure…”
“Okay then. If you’re certain.” After a pause, Felicity ventured, “Aye, but you still have to try to talk to Annalise if they will let you. That’s why you made this trip in the first place.”
“A trip that has turned out to be a huge mistake,” I told her. “Especially in light of what you just told me a minute ago. Your problems today started while I was in the room with Miranda. I’m willing to bet that she’s somehow using me as a conduit to get to you. That was something I didn’t even consider, which was stupid on my part. I should have thought of that.”
“Don’t allow her to use you then.”
“Easier said than done, obviously, or it wouldn’t have happened in the first place.”
“Maybe, maybe not,” she replied. “What if it’s you who should be drinking salt water?”
“I’ve tried that before, remember? Apparently I’m immune to its positive effects.”
“Try it again.”
“Felicity…” I said. “Even if that would work, it’s all a moot point. The door to Annalise has most likely been closed. On all fronts.”
“Only if you allow it to be.”
“You’re putting way too much faith in me, honey. Besides, we’re getting off track. The real issue here is you. I can’t stay here and leave you by yourself if she’s found a way to connect with you again. On top of that, if she’s using me as the conduit then the farther I am away from her the better.”
“But what if the closer you are to me the worse off I am?”
“Don’t…” I stuttered, paused, and then said. “Dammit, Felicity.”
“You know you have to take that into consideration too.”
“You’re being awfully damn logical, you know that?”
“One of us has to,” she replied. “Besides, I told you, Rowan, I’ll be fine.”
“I wish I could make myself believe that.”
“Aye, I wish you could too because it’s the truth.”
“I can’t take the chance.”
“You have to, Row… You know you do. I’ll be fine. Really.”
I sighed heavily, leaning forward and resting my elbows on the edge of the desk in front of me as I massaged my forehead with my free hand. “And what if you’re wrong, Felicity? What if they’ll let me talk to her again and she gets to you through me?”
She was quiet for a moment before answering softly. “What if she does? What do you think you could do if you were here?”
“Keep you safe.”
“Could you?” she appealed.
“Yes.”
“Aye, you would try… I know that… But at what cost?”
“That doesn’t matter.”
“It does to me.” She fell silent for a moment then all but whispered the reason behind her objection, “I almost killed you once already.”
“No, you didn’t. That wasn’t you. It was Miranda.”
“Yes, but she was using my body,” she replied, laying heavy emphasis on the my. Just from the sound of her voice, I could imagine the pained expression she was most likely wearing.
“Which is precisely why…” I began.
Once again she cut me off. “Which is precisely why you should stay there and find a way to stop her for good.”
“You just aren’t going to let me win this argument, are you?” I asked after a short pause.
“No.” There was a brighter note in her voice this time. It was faint but there nonetheless. “When do I ever let you win?”
Even with my current mood, I had to smile at her rhetorical question. “You know if they won’t let me see her, then there’s not much I can do about it.”
“You’ll find a way. You always do.”
I puffed out my cheeks and let go with a long exhale as I continued rubbing my forehead. “Promise me you’ll call right away if the urges get stronger.”
“I promise.”
“I’m serious, Felicity.”
“So am I.”
I paused and shook my head in disbelief at what I had just agreed to do. After a moment I said, “You know I’ll be checking back in with you later, right?”
The humor in her voice increased again as she murmured, “Aye, you’d damn well better then, Rowan Linden Gant… I don’t take well to being stood up.”
For the second time today, we ended our long-distance connection on a concerned note. We’d muddled through this waltz many times before, and as usual both of us wanted to lead. Most of the time we could make that work, but this go around the tempo was completely wrong and we were faltering through the steps. Unfortunately, as long as Miranda was playing the music, we had no choice but to dance.
“After some discussion, we’ve decided we would like for you to go ahead and meet with Annalise again tomorrow, Mister Gant,” Doctor Jante said to me. “Just as she suggested.”
My momentary descent into violence went unmentioned. In fact, up until now, only the standard pleasantries and a cursory introduction between Doctor Clayton and myself had been exchanged, but not much else. Now, apparently break time was over.
I was in the middle of ripping the ends from two square paper packets of generic analgesic tablets when the verbal bomb was dropped on ground zero, which was, without a doubt, me. There was no ceremony whatsoever behind the statement, and I had to wonder if the heavy-handed delivery was calculated or truly as clumsy as it appeared on the surface.
Either way, the tone in her voice was unmistakable. She was telling me, not asking me.
I looked up at her for a moment then back down at my hands. Without a word I continued about my task of pouring the quartet of pills into my palm then wadding the empty packets and stuffing them into my pocket.
We were still in the same office where I’d been sequestered ever since returning from the ungodly mess that was posing as my interview with Miranda. Jante and the chief psychologist had followed Constance into the room when she returned with the coffee and painkillers, which was very shortly after I had finished my call with Felicity. Given their timing, I suspect they had been on the other side of the door listening for a cue to come in. Of course, they could have been watching me on a screen down the hall for all I knew. It seemed there were cameras everywhere you looked in this place. I hadn’t noticed one in here just yet, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t a lens spying from above.
Still mute, I reached out and lifted a Styrofoam cup from the corner of the desk. I took a tentative sip of the coffee and found that it was far closer to lukewarm than hot. Since it had been given more than ample time to cool down, that suggested I was probably correct in my theory that they had been waiting outside the door for me to finish my call. I popped the handful of aspirin into my mouth, gave them a quick chew, and then washed the gritty results down with a healthy swig of the brew. Fortunately, the universal constant of bad cop coffee didn’t seem to apply here. While it definitely wasn’t the best I’d ever had, it also didn’t bear the same taste profile as an industrial solvent-like the cup of sludge I was used to swilling whenever I visited the metropolitan homicide division at police headquarters back in Saint Louis. Under the circumstances, however, I think I might have preferred the sludge, so long as I could have it there instead of here.
Finally, after a second slug to wash the taste of the pills from my mouth, I set the cup aside and grunted, “Actually, I talked to Miranda. I haven’t met with Annalise yet.”