“Yeah, that sounds about right.”
“Okay, so I won’t hold that against you. Just tell him he might want to cool it next time you see him. But you’re saying this kid’s father sent you all the way out here to find out more about… what again? I’m sorry, I still don’t quite follow you.”
“That’s the tough part,” I said. “He’s not sure what he thinks I can do. He just wants somebody to do something. Find out what I can from people while it’s still fresh in their minds.”
“He basically wants you to find out why his son killed himself?”
“I guess you could put it that way, yes.”
The undersheriff shook his head slowly. “I think he’s asking you to do the impossible. Is that something you’re usually good at?”
I had to smile. “Generally not. Most days I’m just trying to keep my road clear.”
“I had to cut the kid down, you know.”
My smile disappeared.
“The EMS guys,” he said, “they sorta just put the stretcher underneath him. There was a fire truck there, so we had the ladder, but for some reason I got elected to climb up there and cut the rope. Hell, it wasn’t even officially my jurisdiction.”
“What do you mean?”
“Misery Bay is actually in Ontonagon County, not Houghton County.”
“I didn’t realize that. The map made it look like-”
“It’s barely over the line. But we always help each other out, you know, and as soon as we found out this kid was one of ours…”
“Sounds like a tough day, no matter who’s in charge.”
“He’d been hanging out there for a day and a half, you realize. Nobody had seen him that whole time. That’s how lonely that place is. This time of year, anyway.”
“I sort of got that idea,” I said. “I drove by there today.”
That seemed to surprise him. “You were at Misery Bay?”
“I just wanted to see it.”
“Yeah, well, I keep seeing it, too. Every night when I try to go to sleep.”
“I understand,” I said. “But still. I felt I had to start there.”
“What was your impression?”
“Well, I tried to reconstruct the event in my mind. Let me ask you this while I’m thinking of it. How long was the rope?”
The undersheriff picked up a blank pad of paper from the mess on his desk. He picked up a pen and stared down at the pad. It was obvious to me he was coming to some sort of decision.
“Mr. McKnight, I take it you were in law enforcement at some point?”
“Detroit Police Department. Eight years.”
He nodded. “And now you’re private?”
“On paper, yes, but I’ll be honest with you. This feels more like I’m just doing the man a favor. So really, I know I’m just a stranger showing up out of nowhere, asking you all these questions.”
“Do you feel that there was something inappropriate about the way we handled this case?”
“No,” I said. “God, no. That’s not why I’m here.”
“Let me tell you what kind of winter it’s been for me. A couple nights after New Year’s, a kid from Tech drives down to Misery Bay and manages to hang himself from a tree. Like I said, I was the lucky bastard who got to cut him down. Had to look this kid right in the face. He was as frozen as an icicle. Just a couple weeks later, I hear about an old friend of mine, a sergeant down in Iron Mountain. His son shot himself behind the barn. Put a bullet right in his own head.”
He paused for a moment, then continued.
“My wife’s father killed himself a few years ago, so it’s already kind of a hot spot for me.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Yeah, he just drove off one day. He found a deserted spot and he tried to run a hose from the exhaust pipe through the window, had it all taped up with duct tape. He didn’t realize that new cars don’t put out that much carbon monoxide anymore. So it must have taken hours. If he didn’t have a full tank, it might not have worked. Although in that case he might have just froze to death. But anyway, he’d been suffering from depression. We had him on some new medicine, but I guess it wasn’t doing the job. Takes a while, they said. So meanwhile he has to slip away from us when we’re not looking and take all damned day to kill himself. It absolutely destroyed my wife, I’ll tell you that much.”
He dropped the pad back on the desk. The mess made a little more sense to me now. This man was just trying to keep it all together, and a clean desk was pretty low on his list of priorities.
“It would have been better if her father had died in an accident,” he said. “Or hell, even if somebody had broken into the house and killed him. At least that way, you wouldn’t have to keep wondering why he did it to himself, you know? I can’t imagine a worse thing to have to go through. But anyway, ever since then, every time I hear about a suicide, it just hits me right in the gut, you know? Now two kids killing themselves in the same winter. One of them in my county.”
“Look, I’m sorry I’m bringing all this back up. I had no idea this was going to hit so close to home with you.”
“You just have to understand. Lately I’m beginning to think that everybody I see is going to find some way to kill themselves.”
“Well,” I said, “I’m not going to. I promise.”
“Okay. That’s good to hear. That’s a start, I guess. But you know, to tell you the truth… maybe it’s a good thing I’m the one you got to talk to today. Because maybe most cops wouldn’t understand why you’d come all the way out here just to pry into a situation that’s obviously not going to change.”
I started to protest, but he put up his hand to stop me.
“It’s okay, Mr. McKnight. I get it. If it was somebody from my family, I’d be asking the same questions myself. Or else I’d be sending out a wise-looking old cop like yourself to ask the questions for me.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment, I guess.”
“I meant it no other way. And to answer your question, the rope was approximately fifty feet long.”
“So more than long enough to tie off around the trunk, and then extend over that big branch.”
“That’s how he did it, yes. Beyond that, I just wish I could give you more information. We’ve got so many kids who come up here for college. Then they’re gone. I’m afraid that young Mr. Razniewski was just one of those temporary residents.”
“His father gave me three names to look up-his girlfriend and two of his other friends.”
“You got the phone numbers?”
“I do, yes.”
“Then give them a call. On a Wednesday, this time of year, there’s not a whole lot to do besides going to class or hanging out in a bar somewhere.”
“Sounds familiar,” I said. “Except for the going-to-class part.”
“This is a terrible thought,” he said, his voice lowered, his head leaning toward me. “But sometimes in the dead of winter up here… as I get older, I mean, I start to wonder why we don’t see even more suicides.”
There wasn’t much I could say to that. So I thanked the man and left him to his pile of papers and his morbid thoughts.
Before I could even get to my truck, it started to snow again.
I checked into a hotel on Shelden Avenue, down in the center of town, close to the water. From my window, I could see the lift bridge and the light stream of traffic crossing in either direction, headlights on as the snow came down harder and dimmed the late afternoon light.
I took out the list of names and numbers Raz had given me. There were only three names-Bradley, Wayne, and Charlie’s girlfriend Rebecca. That was it. I started with Rebecca’s number and got her voice mail. I left a message, told her who I was and that I just wanted to ask her a couple of quick questions about Charlie. I asked her to call me as soon as she got the chance.
I called Bradley, got his voice mail, and left a similar message. As I called Wayne, I wondered if I was about to get shut out completely. It’s quite possible that nobody will talk to you, I said to myself. If they don’t want to deal with this, they’ll just avoid you.