My hear lurches. “Oh, that’s terrible.”
“Aye. It was. It still is.”
I put my hand on his and lean in trying to catch his eye. “I’m so sorry, Donal. Really, I am. You must have been so sad.”
“I was and I still am. I will never believe that there was nothing I could do. I just … I didn’t know what to say to her, what to do to make her happy.”
When he finally looks up at me I can see he’s suffering, but he doesn’t cry.
I’m desperate to bring the light back into his eyes. “There’s nothing you can do for depressed people except encourage them to get help. You’re not responsible for the decisions they make.”
“Easy to say, easy enough to hear, but not easy at all to believe in yer heart of hearts when someone ye love has … done what she did.”
I understand. I stand up and grab my coat off my chair. “Come on, Donal. Let’s go take a walk.”
“A walk?”
I nod. “I want to go back to the cliffs with you. Just you and me. We don’t have to talk or do anything. I just want to be there with you.”
He stares at me for the longest time, and then he finally gets up. He doesn’t say a word, he just guides me out of the pub and into his car, and he drives us to the Cliffs of Moher.
I open the door before he has time to change his mind. “Come on, let’s go. I’d like to get there before it’s totally dark.” The sun is setting and we don’t have much daylight left.
He joins me and takes my hand. We stop about twenty feet from the edge nearest us.
“What was her name?” I ask.
“Ciara. She was twenty-two. She died on Valentine’s Day, five years ago.”
“So young,” I whisper, my heart aching for her. I cannot imagine what she must have suffered to make her want to jump from this place to the dark and jagged rocks below. Life is just beginning for a twenty-two year old. I was just there myself, and I know this for a fact.
“I will never forget her,” he says. “Sometimes I go for days or even weeks without thinking of her, and then I’ll see a photograph or hear a song and it all comes back. The moods, the sadness, the desperation.”
“What about the guy? The one she was in love with.”
“I have to convince myself not to kill him with my bare hands at least once a month. We did have one altercation that didn’t end well for him, but I’ll not be sorry for it.”
“You shouldn’t be.” I wrap my arm around his waist and pull him against me. He puts his arm over my shoulders and does the same. We both stare out into the mist and listen to the waves crash against the rocks.
I can’t think of anything profound to say, so I just say what’s in my heart. “If you ever feel like you’re losing that battle, you call me, okay?”
“But ye’ll be in Boston.”
“So what? I’ll be just a phone call or an email away. And if you ever come to Boston, I’ll show you my world.”
“I’ve never been to the United States. I never go anywhere.”
I smile sadly and squeeze him tighter. “Maybe someday you will.”
“Yeah. Maybe.”
We stay there for another ten minutes or so and then walk back to the car in silence, just watching the scenery go by as we drive back into Doolin. When we stop in front of Mrs. O’Grady’s I turn to look at Donal. “I had a really nice time. Thank you for taking me out.”
“Ye must think I’m a real nutter, taking you to the cliffs and relivin’ the suicide of an old girlfriend.”
I reach out and put my hand on his cheek. “Thank you for sharing that with me. I don’t think you’re a nutter. I think you’re pretty fantastic, actually.”
A thousand words couldn’t express how I feel right now, so instead of trying I just lean in and kiss him softly on the lips, pulling away before it can get any more involved. I’m already falling for this guy and I’m not in the mood to get my heart trashed over something easily avoided.
“Goodbye, Donal. I hope I see you again one of these days.”
“Goodbye, Ridlee from Boston. It was a true pleasure to have made yer acquaintance.”
I don’t shed a single tear until I’m on the other side of Mrs. O’Grady’s front door and it’s closed behind me. Of course then, I turn on the waterworks and bawl like I just lost the love of my life. Mainly because it feels like I just did.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
ERIN
“SO, WHAT DO YOU WANT to do today?” I ask Ridlee, who is lost in thought buttering a piece of toast. She doesn’t answer me but pops a little black pudding on the corner and bites into it. It’s Tuesday morning and we’re in the breakfast room of the B&B. It’s raining — well there’s a surprise … not! I look forlornly around the room and then back to my friend, who has been very quiet all morning.
“You’ve changed,” I say. That gets her attention.
“What do you mean?” she asks all serious.
I nod at the black pudding on her toast.
“Oh that. It’s good for the blood.”
“Who told you that?”
“Don… oh, never mind.” She sits up straighter in her chair and flicks her hair over her shoulder. “So, what’s the plan for today?”
Just as I’m about to answer, my phone pings. I look at it under the table — an old habit from days gone by when my grandmother’s beady eye could read a private text at ten paces. It’s from Micheál.
I know you probably have a busy day ahead of you, but could you add me on to your to-do list?
I can’t help but smile.
“What?” asks Ridlee leaning across the table.
“It’s Micheál. He’s flexting with me.” I punch in my response.
Hey! Stop thinking about me!
“You seeing him today?” Ridlee asks casually.
“I thought that you and I’d be hanging out. You know, last couple of days on the auld sod an’ all. Just the girls...”
“Nah, I gotta finalise the paperwork for the bar deal and as much as I’d love to have you do the grunt work, you’re not capable, so you’re free to go. Don’t worry, though, you’ll be receiving my bill soon enough.” She smiles sweetly.
“You’re in a good mood today,” I say fishing for information. But Ridlee’s not giving anything away. She just smiles serenely and goes back to eating her blood sausage. My phone pings again.
If I were with you right now, what would we be doing?
Dishes for old Mrs. O
Works for me. I’m on my way over.
Spend the day with me.
LOL
There's an old Irish saying that if you make a girl laugh you're halfway up her leg. BCNU ;)
I look up from my phone to Ridlee and ask, “BCNU? What’s that one?”
“Be Seeing You,” Ridlee says. “He’s on his way over. Is that what you’re wearing?” She raises an eyebrow.
I look down at my scruffy pajamas. Mrs. O’Grady’s other guests have all left so we’ve been kinda treating the place like home.
“Shit!” I jump to my feet.
Ridlee looks up from the local paper she’d suddenly become engrossed in.
“Talk to him if he arrives. And be nice!” I yell over my shoulder, sprinting out of the room and taking the stairs two at a time.
“Don’t forget about the Virgin Mary and Mr. Dreamy!” Ridlee shouts even louder.