“Okay. I let the guard stop me, then I hand him this orange. As soon as-”
“Max, no,” 99 said. “You don’t hand him the orange. You let him see the bomb.”
“That’s almost what I said, 99. The orange is the bomb.”
“No, I think the banana is the bomb,” Hassan said.
“Just a minute!” Fitz-Hugh shouted. “You don’t let him see the orange-or the banana, as the case may be-that’s really a bomb. You let him see the bomb that isn’t a bomb.”
“Oh, yes, I remember now,” Max said. “I let him see the bomb that isn’t a bomb, and he says to me, ‘I’m sorry, sir, but it’s against the rule to carry a banana into the Government Building.’ So, I hand him-”
“No, Max,” 99 said, shaking her head.
“I carry the guard into the Government Building?”
“Uh-uh, Max.”
“The guard carries me into the Government Building?”
Fitz-Hugh clasped his head in his hands, groaning. “Why does anybody want to be a Generalissimo? The followers you got to put up with these days, it’s nothing but a headache!”
“I’m sorry,” Max said. “But I’m trying my best. Let me start at the beginning. I approach the Government Building-right?”
“So far, perfect,” Fitz-Hugh replied.
“No, unfortunately, it isn’t,” Max said, looking disappointed in himself. “I forgot to take the basket of fruit. I left it back here on the-”
Fitz-Hugh grabbed up the basket and shoved it into Max’s hands. “Okay! You got the fruit! Start again!” he raged.
Max put the orange back into the basket. “It wouldn’t do to accidentally leave this behind,” he explained. “When I got to the-”
“Start already!”
“Right. Okay, now, I approach the Government Building, basket in hand, and I make sure that the guard spots me. How am I doing?”
“You’re a jewel,” Fitz-Hugh smiled blissfully.
“As soon as the guard spots the bomb, of course, he’ll stop me,” Max went on. “And, being a conscientious civil servant, he’ll explain to me in a kindly and understanding manner that it’s against the rule to carry a bomb into the Government Building. Have I left anything out?”
“Only the mistakes,” Fitz-Hugh beamed. “Go on.”
“Doing his duty as he sees it, the guard will then relieve me of the bomb-the bomb that is not a bomb,” Max continued. “And, being a conscientious revolutionary, I will then- Oh-oh-we’re in trouble.”
“What trouble!” Fitz-Hugh asked through gritted teeth.
“Look,” Max said, “if I know my conscientious civil servants, that guy isn’t going to let me go until he gets a piece of fruit. Suppose he wants an orange? Or a banana?”
“Idiot!” Fitz-Hugh screamed. “Guards don’t eat on duty!”
“He could save it for later. There’s nothing better than a banana right after dinner.”
“Take my word for it!” Fitz-Hugh stormed. “He won’t ask for a piece of fruit! Now, go on!”
“I sort of lost my place,” Max said. “I think I better start at the beginning again.”
“Stupidido!” Fitz-Hugh shrieked. He grabbed the basket of fruit from Max’s hands. “I’ll show you! Step by step, I’ll show you what to do! Now, watch! And remember!”
Max squinted his eyes. “I’m watching.”
Fitz-Hugh stomped up to his follower. “This is the guard,” he said. “He asks me about the bomb in the basket. I tell him the bomb is a surprise to me. He asks me for it. I give it to him.” He handed the bomb to the follower. “Have you got it?” he said to Max.
“No, you gave it to him.”
“I mean, do you understand, so far, what you’re supposed to do?”
“Oh, yes, that. . yes.”
Fitz-Hugh stomped to the door of the hut. “This is the entrance to the Government Building,” he said. “Now, I enter the Government Building.” He stepped out through the doorway into the clearing. “Did you see that?” he called back.
“Got it!” Max replied.
“Now-are you listening?”
“You’re coming in loud and clear.”
“I’m in the Government Building,” Fitz-Hugh said. “I take the orange out of the basket, and-just like this-I pull the stem from the orange. Okay? Clear?”
“It isn’t going to work,” Max said.
“Why not?”
“Did you pull the stem from the orange?”
“Yes. I told you I did.”
“If that orange were a bomb, it would have exploded when you pulled the stem,” Max pointed out.
“Say. . you know, you’re right.”
“Try the banana,” Max suggested.
“You’re right, maybe it’s the banana. I’ll just- No, that didn’t do it, either.”
“How about the apple?” Max called out.
“Never!”
“Ah, come on,” Max urged. “Even a Generalissimo can be wrong once in a while. The thing is to be a big enough man to admit it.”
“Well. .”
“Give it a little pull,” Max said. “What harm could that do?”
“Okay. But only to prove that it isn’t the apple. If a Generalissimo is wrong, he isn’t really a Gen-”
The area was suddenly rocked by a tremendous explosion. Max, 99, and Hassan went flying up through the roof of the hut.
“Max, you tricked him,” 99 said proudly.
“Yes, I did,” Max admitted. “Though, frankly, it was as big a surprise to me as it was to him. All along, I thought it was the banana, not the apple.”
“Luckily, I knew it was the apple all the time,” Hassan said. “What would you two do without me?”
“Hassan is right, 99,” Max said. “We’re very fortunate to have him along.”
“I’m not so sure about that, Max.”
“You will be in a moment.”
“How is that, Max?”
“Because that explosion blew us pret-ty high, and in just a few moments we’re going to hit the ground.”
“I know, Max. But why are we fortunate to have Hassan along?”
“Because, if you will look closely, you will see that Hassan is flying a few feet below us. And when we land he’s going to break our fall.”
99 looked down. “That’s very considerate of you, Hassan,” she said. “I take back all the unkind things I’ve been thinking about you.”
“I’ll make you a deal,” Hassan said. “You come down here and let me get up there and you can think anything you want to about me.”
“I couldn’t,” 99 said. “I’m a girl.”
“Then how about this?” Hassan said. “Send Max down. Not only will I give you permission to think anything you want about me, but also I’ll throw in a chain-driven saxophone-the only one of its kind.”
“Well. .”
But the offer was made too late.
8
Max and 99 landed, picked themselves up, then picked Hassan up. He was somewhat flatter, but otherwise he wasn’t much changed. Since they had landed clear of the revolutionists’ camp, they immediately set out on the trail again, wanting to avoid being recaptured. Many minutes later they decided it was finally safe to stop and rest.
“Well, Hassan,” Max said, “you did it again. Those cutthroats are far behind us by now.”
Hassan nodded. “Not bad for a flat guide, even if I do say so myself,” he said.
“It’s fine, except for one thing,” 99 said. “We’re lost.”
“Lost?” Max said. “We’re not lost, 99. We know exactly where we are.”
“Where are we, then, Max?”
“We’re right here.”
“I know that, Max. But where is here? I mean, where is here in relation to everywhere else?”
“99, I never claimed that everywhere else isn’t lost.”
“There is no problem,” Hassan said. “All we have to do is follow the signs.”
Max and 99 looked at him skeptically.
“Over there,” Hassan pointed.
Max and 99 looked, and, a few yards away, saw a low trailside sign that pointed into the jungle. Followed by Hassan, they walked to the sign and read it. It said:
TO DR. LIVINGSTROM
“Max, that sign isn’t really there,” 99 said. “It’s an illusion. It’s another of Whitestone’s tricks.”