I was also trying not to remember what had happened the last time we’d been in this barn alone together. Admittedly, it had just been some kissing…but Rob had always been a fantastic kisser. Not that I had so much experience to measure him by. Still, I couldn’t help remembering the way my knees had always buckled at the touch of his lips to mine.
“I don’t think it’s weird, either,” I added when he didn’t say anything. “Well. Maybe a little weird. I never thought you liked me that much.”
Because that, of course, was something else that had happened in this barn. I’d told him I loved him. And he had not acted too pleased about it.
Rob shrugged again. “What was I supposed to do?” he wanted to know. “You knew I was on probation. And you were underage. And the way your mom obviously felt about me—I couldn’t risk it. It seemed better just to stay away from you until you turned eighteen.”
“But you couldn’t wait,” I said. Not bitterly. I just said it like it was a fact. Because it was.
Except to Rob, apparently.
“What do you mean, I couldn’t wait?” he demanded, taking his hands from his pockets and stepping away from the sink. “What do you think—Jesus, Jess! I totally waited. I’mstill waiting.”
I blinked at him. “But…that girl—”
“Christ. Not that again.” Rob looked like he wanted to hit something. I didn’t blame him. I felt like hitting something myself. “I told you. Nancy’s a customer. Shealways kisses the mechanics. She was excited about—”
“—you fixing her carburetor,” I finished for him in a bored voice. Except that I wasn’t bored. I was faking the bored part. The fact was, I wanted to cry. But I wouldn’t let him see my tears. “You said that.”
“Damned right I said that. Because it was the truth. And if you’d stuck around, instead of running off, I’d have shown you—”
He broke off. He didn’t look defensive now. He looked angry. What was he so angry about?
“Shown me what?” I asked in genuine bewilderment.
“This,”Rob said. He held out his arms to indicate the renovated barn, the motorcycles waiting to be serviced. “All of this. The house, the garage…the fact that I was going to school. Jesus, Jess. Why do you think I did all this? I mean, yeah, part of it was for me. But a big part of it was to prove to your parents—your mother, at least—that I wasn’t some bum who was just after her daughter’s virginity—or worse, looking to ride on your coattails. I did it so she’d let you go out with me. So she’d realize I’m not a worthless Grit.”
Now when I blinked, it was because my eyes had filled up with tears, and I was trying to get them out of the way so I could see.
“You…” It was hard to talk, because something appeared to be clogging my throat. “You did all that…for me?”
“I was so excited when I found out you were coming back,” Rob said. “Ask anyone. I knew you had lost your powers—everyone knew that. But I never thought—hell, I thought you’d behappy about that. No more press bugging you. No more working for the government. And you were finally eighteen…I thought we were golden, at last. I had this whole thing planned. I was going to show you the shop and the house and take you to that restaurant Doug was talking about today—the one in Storey—and propose. Yeah, I know it sounds ridiculous now.” He added this, I guess, because he saw how my eyes widened at the wordpropose. “But that’s how far gone I was. I was going to give you this—”
Digging into one of the pockets of his jeans, he pulled out a gold ring. I couldn’t see it too well from where I was standing, on account of the tears. But I thought I saw a glint of diamond.
Maybe he figured out I couldn’t see it. Because the next thing I knew, he’d shoved the ring roughly into my hand. Or thrown it at me, depending on how you looked at it. Good thing I’ve always had such excellent reflexes.
“It was my grandmother’s. It’s been in my family for years,” Rob went on in the same half amused, half angry tone. “I know it’s crazy. But I thought if your parents saw how serious I was about you, and they were okay with it, we could get married after college, or something. But instead, you showed up out of the blue, and saw something you didn’t understand, and wouldn’t listen to me, no matter how hard I tried to get you to. Then you just up and left town. And I realized…”
“That you didn’t love me after all?” I finished for him in a defensive voice. Which I actually considered pretty brave of me, considering how much I felt like running from the room, crying. The fact that I even stayed was a major step for me. Or the new, nonviolent me, anyway.
The look he gave me was almost pitying.
“No,” he said in a much gentler voice. “I already told you. That you were broken. That you needed—well, nothingI could give you, anyway.”
I laid the album down on the table next to the bike Rob had been working on. I hadn’t looked at the ring.
But I hadn’t let go of it, either.
“I didn’t know what I needed,” I said softly. “Back then.”
“Do you now?” Rob asked. “Can you look me in the eye, Jess, and tell me that you finally know what you need? Or even want?”
You.Every muscle, every drop of blood in my body seemed to scream the word.
But I couldn’t say it out loud. Not yet. Because what if I said it, and it wasn’t what he wanted to hear? Because no one wants someone who’s broken.
A beat went by. And Rob’s gaze, which had been locked on mine, dropped.
“I didn’t think so,” he said.
And he turned back to the sink.
The conversation was over. It wasso over.
Blinded by my tears, I still somehow made it to the door to the barn. It was only then that I turned around one last time, and said his name.
Rob didn’t look back at me. But he said, “What?” to the wall in front of him.
“What did you do, anyway,” I asked, “to get put on probation like that?”
His head ducked. “You want to know thatnow ?”
“Yeah,” I said. “I do.”
“It was really stupid,” he said to his hands.
“Just tell me. After all this time, I think I deserve to know.”
“Trespassing,” he said, still speaking to the sink. “A bunch of guys and I thought it would be funny to climb the fence to the public pool and go for a midnight swim. The officers who showed up to arrest us didn’t think it was all that funny, though.”
I just stared at his back. It wasn’t hard not to burst out laughing, even though he was right—it was really stupid. Stupid enough, in fact, that I realized why now he had never told me. All this time, I’d thought he’d done something…well, really reckless, even dangerous.
And all he’d done was go swimming when the pool was closed.
Still, I couldn’t laugh. Because I was pretty sure he’d broken my heart. Again.
So instead I went back to the house and asked Chick if he would drive me home.
Which he did.
Eighteen
It wasn’t until I’d gotten out of Chick’s truck that I realized I was still clutching the ring. Rob’s grandmother’s ring.
And that meant I was going to have to see him again. To give it back. Unless I took the coward’s way out, and gave it to Douglas to give back to him.
Which I had pretty much decided was what I was going to do. So it was kind of funny when, just as I was putting my foot on the front step to our porch, a bright yellow Jeep pulled up into my driveway, stopping so abruptly it nearly collided with a garbage can at the curb. I recognized a very excited Tasha Thompkins sitting behind the wheel. In the passenger seat beside her sat an equally excited Douglas.
Only not for long. No sooner had Tasha put on the brakes than Douglas was bounding out of the Jeep and towards the porch steps.