"BANG!
"A tremendous earthquake! Tidal waves!
"RELAX ISLAND HAD BEEN BLOWN TO BITS!
"Dear Jettero came back and he questioned Prahd but Prahd told him, 'It couldn't have been the fuel! Every bar was in its own insulated container!' "And dear Jettero said, 'The only way it could have blown up was by taking every bar out of its carton and stacking them all together!' "And Prahd said, 'But I told them all specifically not to DO that!' "And Jettero said, 'I know what happened. Madison said he'd put it on the map: he didn't. He took it off forever. It was only a volcanic bubble. I warned Teenie. Madison blew up Relax Island just to get a headline!' "And the sad part of it was," said Pratia, "he didn't even get a single mention of it in the papers. Not even his own obituary. And that was the end of all of them, and Relax Island, too." • • Xll Both girls began to sob. They clutched at me for comfort. Pratia let out a shuddering sigh and then she said, "Well, cheer up. The evening is still early. Asa, wipe your tears away and turn on the music." The girl let go of me and sprang up from the bed. She opened a big white console and fed the slot a strip. There was a thunder and then a beat. The volume bashed my ears. The whang and wow of electronic instruments began to rip the tortured air. I had never in my life before heard such sounds. They hammered you and somehow worked at you and made your hips twitch. Psychedelic sunset! Woo-oo! Woo-oo! Psychedelic sunset! Woo-oo! Woo-oo! Psychedelic sunset! Woo-oo! Woo-oo! Psychedelic sunset! Woo-oo! Woo-oo! Lik's open lips were close beside my ear. "Isn't it divine?" she whispered. "Gran-gran copied Teenie's whole library onto strips. Oh, listen to that Punk Rock!" "Lik!" yelled Pratia above the pulsing din. "Don't just lie there. Do your duty!" The girl leaped, her body jerking, and rushed to a bureau. She got a drawer open, hips bucking t6 the rhythm as she worked. She got out some greenish leaves and papers and began to roll thick, fat cylinders about three inches long. Still bucking to the music pulse, she handed one to Pratia. With slamming heels and heaving thighs she pushed one into the clutching grasp of Asa. Then she leaped across me and as her hair jerked near my face, crammed the end of a cylinder in my mouth. Fire sprang up from her hand. "Drag deep!" she yelled at me as she applied the flame. "Suck it down into your lungs and hold it." The smoke almost strangled me. "What is it?" I coughed. "Panama Red! The very best! I see I got to teach you how to use a joint! DRAG! DRAG! Oh, listen to that rock!" I expelled the sweetish smoke. Head jerking in the music din, Lik took a drag. She sucked it down into her lungs and held it. Then she let it out. "Oh, Heavenly!" she crooned. Asa had gotten back on the bed, white fog wreathing from her mouth. She jammed her joint between my lips and cried, "DRAG! DRAG! Then you'll hear the music!" I dragged and got through coughing. I stole a look at Pratia. She was sitting there, head wreathed in smoke. Through it her eyes peered avidly. "All right, girls!" cried. Pratia. "You can practice your lessons now! HAVE AT HIM!" A wondrous soft feeling was suddenly enwrapping me. I felt like I was floating, detached. The music was suddenly wonderful beyond all imaginings as "Psychedelic Sunset" pounded on. But something else was happening. With searching fingers, the two girls were seeking out my spots. Before my eyes there was a blur of hands. I fixated on a finger that was probing at my throat. A joyous feeling began to spread through me. Two angels on the ceiling were leering down. More joints. More music. Hours later, I slept. • • • Xlll A horizontal shaft of sunlight came in the low window and pried at my eyelid. I moved my head. A pain went through it. I looked toward the chair where Pratia had sat. It was empty. I looked to my right: there lay Asa, mouth partly open, sound asleep. I looked to my left: there was Lik. She had a dreamy smile upon her face as she slumbered. Her arm was flung across my chest. It seemed to me to be a very good idea to get out of there. My throat felt parched. I was hungry. I ached. Using careful strategy, I disengaged Lik's hand and laid it gently on her thigh. Inching slowly, slowly, I worked my way from out between them down toward the foot of the bed. I was certain I could make it. My head reached the level of their thighs. Now, with just a final jerk of my legs, I would be upright and free. I surged up.
YOW!
One of them had grabbed my hair! "Come back here!" said Lik. "What's the matter? Don't you like us?" Asa said, looking around into my face. "Gran-gran is gone," said Lik. "We can skip the fancy stuff." "Yeah, man," said Asa. "We can get down to the real business!" "No, no!" I said. "I've got to go home! My head is killing me!" Lik stuck her eyes very close to mine. "Aha!" she said. "His eyes are all red." "Only one remedy for that," said Asa. Lik leaped out and got a joint and, before I could stop her, crammed it in my mouth. She lit it. "Drag deep and you'll feel better." Amazingly, I shortly did. A woolly cloud seemed to fill me. Each of them took some drags. They sat there watchfully to be sure I did not walk off, but then, looking carefully at my expression, they were finally assured I wasn't going to. Asa got up, found a strip and put it in the console. Music was shortly booming through the room, that weird electronic music with the heavy beat. A man was singing against a chorus: My mama never told me About the birds and bees. My papa always told me To stay off all boys' knees. So I have had no training, My appetite to vex. I have to find out on my own What there is to sex. So please excuse ferocity In ripping off your clothes. If you decline, please be assured, I'll punch you in the nose. Oh, now let's do it all again. I think I've got the hang. But I can't believe the birds and bees Get such a huge end bang! STICK IT TO ME, BABY! "My sentiments exactly!" said Asa and she made a grab for me. I would have escaped but I collided with Lik. She slammed me hard on the chest and knocked me back on the bed. The speakers slammed into my ears with their heavy beat. Asa's scream made the bottom end of the curtains fly out the window. "Now, just have a quiet puff," said Lik. I was surely puffing. Marijuana smoke soared into the air. A cupid grinned when Lik's voice Said, "Me, now me!" Lik screamed and the marijuana smoke and the curtains flew away. The marijuana butt was burning on the floor. Trying to wrap the sheet around me, I scrambled back from the bed. "Oh, my Gods," I said, "I may have made both of you pregnant!" Asa was wrapping a robe around her. She laughed. "No worries about that, Monte Pennwell. Prahd hands us out birth control pills." My clothes were on the floor and I was edging toward them. Suddenly I stopped and stared at them. I shook my head. "Pratia told me that you both were virgins!" "Hah!" said Lik. "And there won't be any virgins left in the whole Confederacy when we get through spreading Teenie's stuff around! We're only learning now, but you just wait." I picked up my pants, still clutching the sheet about me. But I was hit with a new thought. "Does Prahd…?" "Oh, Heavens, no," said Lik. "What a thing to infer. Prahd never touches anyone around here. Why should he, when he's got nurses by the score? Come on, Asa, let's clean this boy up. He has a dirty mind." They hit me like two lepertiges about to tear their prey limb from limb. They threw me into the shower. The water poured down in a steaming cascade. They jumped in with me. Their heads were just a blur. Asa's hand reached out and undipped a rod vibrator from its hook on the bathroom wall. She held it there a moment while it shook. Lik's hand reached out and grabbed a block of soap. The shower jets were pushing steam. "Stand still!" cried Lik. I screamed. The slippery block of soap flew out and hit the bathroom wall. Asa was laughing as her hand scrabbled on the floor for it. "Now me! Now let me do it to him!" The shower jets went stronger. I screamed again! Water was pouring out of the drain and vanishing. "Now wasn't that lovely, Monte?" said Lik. They were wrapping a huge towel around me. I was shaking like a leaf in a storm. "I know what we should do," said Asa. "We'll fix him up as a present for Har." "Who's Har?" I trembled. They were both in loose robes now and they sat me down at a makeup table. It had lots of mirrors. I said, "I look AWFUL!" "Nothing like putting a new face on it to meet the day," said Lik. She powdered my face with a spray can. Asa took some blue paint from a pot. She put it on my eyelids. Then she took a black pen and drew in eyebrows and huge lashes. Lik put spots of red on my cheeks. Asa painted my mouth scarlet so it was very big-lipped. They stood back and admired their handiwork. Then Asa grabbed a filmy negligee and slipped me into it. I stared down at the frilly collar. "Oh, you look so pretty now," said Lik. "I feel terrible," I said. "I've got to go." "Pish, pish," said Asa. "The sun is hardly up." She grabbed three joints. I made a feeble effort to leave but they towed me over to the bed. Asa put a joint in my mouth and lit it. Lik, dragging at her own, went over to the player and put a new strip in. Shortly, the whining beat of the music was pounding the walls. Two on one is lots of fun, When you can't have three. It's now begun for everyone, So let's all have a spree! When we're all done, another one Will start with you on me!
HUMP IT, HONEY!
A new voice came into the room! "And how is everybody this fine morning?" I stared. A youth with green eyes and straw-colored hair had entered. He was about twenty. I cringed. I realized this must be one of their brothers! He would undoubtedly shoot me! He had some bags that seemed to be full of grass or hay. He went over to the bureau and opened a lower drawer. "Just harvested some gold Colombian out on the farm," he said. He threw the bags in the drawer and took a bundle of rolled joints from his pocket and tossed them at the girls. "A present for you," he said. "It's marvelous." "Oh Har, dear brother," said Asa, "how sweet you are to us. But we have a present for you, too." "Its name is Monte Pennwell," said Lik. "And I think you'll find it marvelous, also," said Asa. "It's more or less a virgin," said Lik. "Oho!" cried Har, walking over. I stared at him round-eyed. He had a painted face! "If he seems a little used up," said Asa, "remember that it's just from girls." "Ho, ho!" said Har. "You mean he's never had it real Earth-style?" Lik giggled and shook her head. A group of three cupids, with arms around one another, were leering down at me from the ceiling. Asa's hand seized my wrist when I would have bolted. The negligee they had put on me went slithering down on the floor. I yelped. "Hold him still!" cried Har. The speakers bulged with the music beat: Will start with you on me! I yelped again but Har groaned. One of the cupids seemed to be diving through space, hands held together, knees bent, ecstasy on his face. He was going down and down and down past clouds while moans and music filled the room. Then the diving cupid mysteriously became me in its place. I was diving and the clouds were rushing by. I screamed suddenly while I dived and exploded. I was standing in the bathroom rubbing a wet towel against my face. My clothes were lying in a tangle on the floor. I reached down and picked them up. Sloppily dressed, I stood at the door. I looked back into the room. I frowned as Asa's voice sounded, "Oh, Har. Me now, oh, Har, please!" Lik's voice came with a strangled sound, "Not yet. Not yet. Not yet!" I shook my head even though it made it hurt. I closed the door behind me and the music dimmed to a whisper. xiv Nobody was about. I found a viewer-phone in the hall. I did not turn the viewer on. I called Shafter to come and get me. Outside, the morning air was chill. I went over to the landing pad and sat down on a bench. Somewhere behind me, I heard a noise. I turned. A man was clearing up debris outside the door of the hospital, throwing things into a trash box. He had on an old doctor's smock, very stained. After a bit he picked up the box and headed for the kitchen disintegrator: his course lay across the landing pad. When he got close, I suddenly recognized him. It was Prahd! The once straw-colored hair was heavy now with gray, but his eyes were as green as green emeralds. He was long of limb and had a jerky walk as though hung together with hinges. He dumped his trash and turned around. He saw me sitting there. "Who are you?" he said. "One of the children's shiftless friends?" There was an edge of contempt in his voice, possibly brought on by my very rumpled appearance. It stung me. I opened my mouth to give him an acid reply when suddenly, despite my fog, inspiration hit me. And then and there I proved my worth as an investigative reporter. Despite being banged half to pieces, despite marijuana aftereffects, I could still function. I don't mind telling you that what I pulled off was absolutely brilliant! A coup in its own right. "My name is Pry," I said. "I am a medical student." He stopped. I could see the interest kindle. "Well, what are you doing here?" "It's private research," I said. "Just for my own interest. Lately I've been studying genetics. I ran into the strange case of a brown-eyed– man and a blue-eyed woman who had only green-eyed children." He sat down suddenly on the other end of the bench and looked at me closely. "Where did you get this?" he said. In true investigative-reporter style, I lied. "One of my professors said he had heard from a colleague long ago that it could happen. And he cited the children of Pra-tia Tayl." "Are you hinting at something?" said Prahd. "No, no," I said, my brilliance overriding my splitting headache, "I would never dream of questioning the ethics of the leading cellologist in the land. I just slipped in here this morning in the hope of getting a glimpse of some of the green-eyed progeny. Then I will know that it is indeed true that a brown-eyed man and a blue-eyed woman can have green-eyed children, and I won't have to believe the genetic axioms anymore. I find them tiresome anyway." "Oh, come now," said Prahd, the sanctity of the medical and cellological axioms at risk. "You can't make a decision on a single case." "You're going to say," I said, "that it is an atavism, but that won't hold, for it seems to be consistent and breeding true. The percentage of atavistic reoccurrences are… I forget the percentage…" "Nineteen," said Prahd. "But you are simply floundering around. It is NOT an atavism. You students are all too willing to go diving off into the brush instead of holding the line. I assume now that I can talk within the bounds of professional discretion?" "Absolutely!" I said. "The old colleague of your professor was alluding to the case of an officer of a defunct organization who was married in the Royal prison and whose bride conceived on her wedding night. When the child was born it had to be registered and it excited some professional interest; but the paper I filed on it might now be lost, for it was long ago." "No one cited a paper," I said, ignoring my headache and continuing to surpass myself with investigative reporter brilliance. "Then that's the trouble," said Prahd. "They don't teach students as thoroughly as they used to in my day: they leave it up to people like myself to straighten them out. "The case traces back to another, far-off planet that doesn't exist anymore. I was on duty there and this same officer came to me, injured. One of his testes had atrophied in youth, the other had been crushed. In effect, he had been emasculated. "Now, on this far-off planet there were very few available Voltarians and it would have been a scurvy trick to give him testicles from the race there, as it is very shortlived. Further, there was the matter of operational emergency. "The only possible solution was to take cells of my own testes and cause them to manufacture full organs in his scrotum." "Amazing!" I said. "Does one run into these emergencies often?" "Fortunately, seldom. It is a very unique case. I was rather proud of the result, actually. But on the other hand, it had strange consequences. This officer was quite unprincipled. "In a valley there, near the hospital, with his new equipment, he impregnated some thirty women. The offspring all had green eyes and straw-colored hair, even though black eyes and hair were the racial dominance. "Not only that, but this officer actually married two women in a very distant city on that planet and he impregnated them and at least a dozen other women there." "And the offspring all had green eyes and straw-colored hair?" "Every one of them!" said Prahd, "Well, how did you know that, if they were born after you left?" He looked at me strangely. I had to get a quick grip on the situation, for the marijuana and headache had made me incautious. I was floundering, the sunlight hurt my eyes. I said, "But Pratia calls more than two people 'son' and 'daughter' and this officer was sent to an island before the second child…" I broke down, trying to think. Just then Ske the butler passed, evidently bound for the markets, and he said, "Good morning, Master Penn-well. Did you have a nice night with Lady Pratia?" Prahd's hand was gripping my front collar. He yanked me close. "Who the blazes are you, anyway?" Unfortunately for Prahd, it yanked my face upward. My eyes lighted on an attic window! A face was there, peering through the curtains. The hair was gray and matted. The eyes were wild, quite insane. But even age did not fully change him from his pictures.