THE COUNTESS KRAK!
"What are you doing here?" said Heller.
"Just visiting the classroom to see how the pupils were getting on," said the Countess Krak.
"I'm excused from these classes for the rest of the year," said Heller. "And even after the UN loss. People knew I was pushing that. I don't understand it. I think she must have scrambled her main drives." He was looking back down the trail at the group in the vale. "Maybe I better go back and see if she's all right."
The Countess Krak bristled. She said, "Come along, Jettero."
"No," he said, "she sort of looked wild in the eye." He stepped back down the hill a few feet and stopped behind a tree, watching.
Miss Simmons had regained her aplomb. Standing behind the stump, she spoke to the attentive students in clear and educated tones. "So, class, you will be very glad to know that I am no longer under the influence of that traitor to psychology, my father. He was mistaken. I can do what I please with my life.
"I am at last free to teach you what I subconsciously wanted to teach you in Nature Appreciation. Now, Nature Appreciation is really about the birds and bees. So there will be a substantive change in course material.
"We will not use the texts of Krafft-Ebing, Havelock Ellis and Freud, for they are crummy fellows to run around with. Such sources are bad, because they do not have any love in them. Instead, the text we will now use for this class is a classic Persian book, The Seventy and Seven Variations in the Act of Love by Hammer Hammer, translated by the respectable Chinese scholar Kum Chu Longdong, with beautiful illustrations and diagrams by Phullup Cummings. I was able to get these at the college bookstore last night."
She flipped open the sack on the stump and began to pass them around. The students took them with great interest. "Now, girls, open your books to Chapter One, 'The Essentials of Orgasm.' But the boys should open theirs to Chapter Thirteen, 'Variations of Gang Rape.' "
The Countess Krak, able to see those pages with her sunglasses, muttered, "Now I know for sure why he was so tired Sunday nights. The slut! Jettero," she said in a louder voice, "I think we better be going."
He couldn't hear what Miss Simmons had been saying. He shook his head. "I think that it's material I didn't get on the course."
The Countess Krak drummed her fingernails against the tree she was behind but she said nothing.
Miss Simmons said, "Now, students, I know the text is in Chinese, but the diagrams are very explicit, so simply notice the details for now. You can go over it more thoroughly in your homework. The point I am now trying to make is that nothing serves to teach better than experience. So I am going to lie down on this nice grass behind me here and you, Roger, are going to take my coat off."
Roger, a gangling youth, bounded to her side.
Heller, looking down into the glade, shook his head.
Miss Simmons' coat went flying through the air.
Miss Simmons' voice was coming over the Countess Krak's speaker. The tones were heavy with emotion. "For classwork during the remainder of the term, each boy of the class must first handle me and then each female classmate."
Heller, who had no speaker, turned to Krak. "She's saying something about classwork. I'm afraid I'm not going to get the whole subject."
"I'll say you're not," said the Countess Krak in a deadly voice.
Roger's coat hit the ground.
Heller stared. He looked back at the Countess Krak. "Why are they stripping? That brook isn't deep enough to swim in."
"Jettero," called the Countess Krak. "It's getting late."
Heller was staring down into the vale. Some cries were coming from there. "What on Earth?" he muttered.
A stack of schoolbooks lying on a bank slid down. One fell open at the bottom. A splash of mud hit it, splat.
"The hussy!" gritted the Countess Krak. "No wonder his clothing was all muddy every Sunday when he came home!"
"What did you say, dear?" said Heller. "I think they've gone crazy down there!"
The Countess Krak was fuming. Through her speaker came Miss Simmons' voice. "Now, Roger, we'll call that a pass. Thompson and Oswald, you come over here at once. The rest of you get busy. BUSY! BUSY!"
A boot landed in the brook with a tremendous splash!
Three girls' jackets went flying up in the air!
The very trees were shaking!
The Countess Krak had a leafy willow in her hand. Miss Simmons' strained voice came through the speaker. "Remember, it's no good without love. So I love you and you love me. OH, OSWALD!" The Countess snapped the willow with a furious jerk.
Heller was standing there, utterly flabbergasted.
The Countess Krak came up behind him, tugging at his sleeve to pull him away.
He shook his head as though trying to wake up. Then he turned and started back toward the car. "Blazes," he said, "am I glad to be out of that course! Teaching on this planet can get rough!"
"You mean," said the Countess Krak, "that some people on this planet can't even get the simplest lessons straight. The tart!"
Heller looked at her. She was taking off the glasses. She put them in a case.
He was gazing at her very suspiciously. "Did you have something to do with that?"
Her look was very bland and guileless. The very soul of innocence. She said, "Me? Jettero!"
That did it so far as I was concerned. The whole thing had gone wronger than wrong. Who would ever have suspected that Simmons' father, a renowned psychologist, would go against his whole profession and try to suppress promiscuous sex, the very backbone of Earth psychiatric treatment.
But I had only overlooked two minor points: In her hypnotic commands the Countess Krak quite accidentally had told her her father was mistaken, so no credit for the eyesight recovery was due to the Countess Krak. The other point was the order to Miss Simmons to disregard anything that happened in the living room the next day and to find a reasonable explanation for it. The latter unfortunately had included my letter. And that, too, was pure accident on Krak's part.
Oh, she was no genius. She was just lucky in a crude female way. Women simply do not have the brains to anticipate trouble like that. All they have is the ability to make vicious and cruel trouble for men. I knew by bitter experience this was their foremost skill. Look at the trouble she was causing me! Costing me priceless allies like Simmons, burning up my cash reserves by throwing around that credit card.
In a brilliant flash, as clear as lightning itself, I understood something utterly: In order to thoroughly wreck Heller, I would first and foremost have to get rid of the Countess Krak!
And then another lightning bolt. Whereas I could not slaughter Heller until I got the word from Lombar that the former's communication line to the Grand Council no longer mattered, there was NO restraint of ANY kind WHATEVER in removing the Countess Krak. She could be dropped off buildings or ground to mush under the heavy wheels of trains and I would suffer not the blink of an eye about it from Lombar.
AHA! I knew now what I had to do.
Concentrate on that deadly female.
She was expendable! She was the major barrier!
Unlike Heller, she was not trained in avoiding snipers. She knew nothing about car bombs. She had no war experience with booby traps or mines.
I could do it! I would do it!
And my eyes slitted with firm resolve.
GET RID OF THE COUNTESS KRAK!
What crazy plan will Gris use now?
Does this finish the Countess Krak?
Read MISSION EARTH Volume 6
DEATH QUEST