Karagoz—Turkish peasant, head of Soltan Gris' house in Afyon.
Krak, Countess—Condemned murderess, prisoner of Spiteos and sweetheart of Jettero Heller.
Madison, J. Walter—A public relations expert and former member of the staff at F.F.B.O. He is also known as J. Warbler Madman.
Magic Mail—Apparatus trick where a letter is mailed but won't be delivered as long as a designated card is regularly sent.
Manco—Similar to Blito-P3 and home planet of Jettero Heller and Countess Krak, it is the source of Folk Legend 894M.
Manco Devil—Mythological spirit native to Manco.
Mutazione, Mike—Owner of the Jiffy-Spiffy garage who customized, for Jettero Heller, the Cadillac and the vintage cab.
Narcotici, Faustino "The Noose"—Head of a Mafia family that is the underworld outlet for drugs from I.G. Barben and is seeking to take over the territory of the Corleone family.
Odur-See Oh Dear.
Oh Dear—Nickname for Odur, a clerk in Soltan Gris' Section 451. He, along with Too-Too, is forced by Gris to get information on Voltar and courier it to him on Earth.
Raht—An Apparatus agent on Blito-P3 who, with Terb, was assigned by Lombar Hisst to help Soltan Gris sabotage Jettero Heller's mission.
Receiver—See Bugging Gear.
Rimbombo, Bang-Bang—An ex-marine demolitions expert and member of the Corleone mob.
Rockecenter, Delbert John—Native of Blito-P3 who controls the planet's fuel, finance, governments and drugs.
Roke, Tars—Astrographer to the Emperor of Voltar, Cling the Lofty. Roke's discovery that Earth was destroying itself prompted the Grand Council to send Jettero Heller on Mission Earth.
Section 451—A Section in the Apparatus headed by Sol-tan Gris that is responsible for just one minor star, Blito, and one inhabitable planet in the 3rd orbit (Blito-P3) known locally as "Earth."
Silva, Gunsalmo—Former bodyguard to "Holy Joe" and believed to be the one responsible for killing the Corleone boss.
Simmons, Miss—A teacher at Empire University who has promised Jettero Heller she will flunk him out of school.
Slahb, Gyrant—A famous Voltarian cellologist whom Soltan Gris impersonated in order to persuade Dr. Prahd Bittlestiffender to help him on Blito-P3.
Snelz—Apparatus platoon commander at Spiteos, who befriended Jettero Heller and the Countess Krak when they were prisoners there.
Space Code a-36-544 M Section B Section of the Voltarian Space Code that prohibits landing and prematurely alerting the population of a target planet that is on the Invasion Timetable. Violation carries the death penalty.
Spiteos—The secret mountain fortress and prison run by the Apparatus on the planet Voltar where the Countess Krak and Jettero Heller had been imprisoned.
Spurk—Owner of "The Eyes and Ears of Voltar" company who was killed by Soltan Gris.
Stabb, Captain—Leader of the Antimanco crew that piloted Tug One.
Sultan Bey—The name Soltan Gris assumes in Afyon, Turkey.
Swindle and Crouch—Law firm that represents Delbert John Rockecenter's interests.
Tavilnasty, Jimmy "The Gutter"—Mobster who gave to Soltan Gris a list of criminals who will want face-change operations at Gris' hospital.
Tayl, Widow Pratia—Nymphomaniac on Voltar.
Terb—Apparatus agent on Blito-P3 who, with Raht, has been assigned by Lombar Hisst to help Soltan Gris sabotage Jettero Heller's mission.
Too-Too—Nickname for Twolah, a clerk in Soltan Gris' Section 451. He and Oh Dear are forced by Gris to get information on Voltar and courier it secretly back to him on Earth.
Tug One—Powered by the feared Will-be Was time drives, this spaceship is used by Jettero Heller to travel the 22 1/2 light-years to Earth. Heller renamed it the Prince Caucalsia.
Tup—An alcoholic beverage on Voltar.
Twiddle, Senator—U.S. Senator and supporter of John Delbert Rockecenter.
Twolah – See Too-Too.
Utanc—A belly dancer that Soltan Gris bought.
Vantagio—Manager of the Gracious Palms, the elegant whorehouse across the street from the United Nations, operated by the Corleone family.
Voltar—The home planet and seat of the 110-planet Confederacy that was established 125,000 years ago. At the time of Jettero Heller's mission, it is ruled by Cling the Lofty as the Emperor, through the Grand Council in accordance with the Invasion Timetable.
Will-be Was—The feared time drives that allow Jettero Heller to cover the 22 1/2-light-year distance between Blito-P3 (Earth) and Voltar in a little over three days.
Wister, Jerome Terrance—Name that Jettero Heller is using on Earth.
Zanco—Cellological equipment and supplies company on Voltar.
831 Relayer—See Bugging Gear.
To My Lord Turn, Justiciary of the Royal Courts and Prison, Government City, Planet Voltar, Voltar Confederacy
Your Lordship, Sir!
I, Soltan Gris, Grade XI, General Services Officer, former Secondary Executive of the Coordinated Information Apparatus, Voltar Confederacy (Long Live His Majesty Cling the Lofty and All of His Most Noble Lords), hereby with great humility and respect submit the third volume of my confession regarding MISSION EARTH.
I realize that Your Esteemed Lordship has many things to do here at the Royal Prison that are more important than reading the listing of my crimes against the State. However, if Your Most Noble Lordship has read my earlier accounts, I am sure that you will agree they show beyond doubt that I was merely following orders.
I don't mean to imply that I am innocent and thereby should be released from the cell that Your Magnificent Lordship has generously provided! No, that decision was most wise and the details contained herein will prove me out.
True, there is a certain injustice that I am in prison and Jettero Heller is still at large as a wanted criminal. However, I have every confidence that the combined police forces of Voltar will find and arrest him.
Whatever they do to him, it would never approximate what I would exact for revenge.
Perhaps my confession will at least provide a clue as to his behavior. However, I must warn you that Fleet Officer Heller is unpredictable. I know better than anyone. The bugs implanted in him allowed me to secretly eavesdrop on everything he saw and heard. Without his knowing it, I monitored everything that he did and I can assure you: Heller is dangerous!
For a Royal combat engineer, his assignment was simple. All he had to do was go to Earth (we know it as Blito-P3) and quietly introduce a few advances into their backward technology so the planet would still be inhabitable by the time Voltar invaded it in another century. It didn't matter that he didn't know the whole mission was a ruse. Lombar Hisst as the head of the Apparatus had fooled the Grand Council into sending a mission rather than a costly preemptive strike. That would have destroyed Hisst's major resource in his plan to become Emperor—the deadly Earth drugs that we were secretly shipping from our base in Afyon, Turkey.
My task seemed equally simple. All I had to do was accompany Heller to Earth and make sure his mission failed. Hisst was very emphatic about that point. Before we left Voltar, he told me that he had assigned one of his assassins to secretly follow me to ensure that I followed orders.
So I took Heller to the Apparatus base in Afyon. I made sure that he didn't see or hear anything that would tip him off that we were sending heroin and a drug called "speed" back to Voltar. He never knew that Hisst planned to use drugs to control the Voltarian government and the riffraff the way it was done on Blito-P3. From Afyon, I sent Heller to the United States.
It should have been a nice, simple, quiet mission. He should have landed, been stopped and that was that. Oh, no! Not Heller! Explosions, shootings, car chases, cops, FBI agents.
Who finally picks him up? A Mafia family! On top of that, they are antidrug and are run by a six-foot-plus amazon, Babe Corleone. What did Heller do? He bumped off Babe's competition! So where does he end up living? In a sumptuous suite in the Gracious Palms, a Corleone whorehouse filled with beautiful women across from the United Nations! And what does he buy? A Cadillac as big as a yacht and an old, beat-up New York taxicab!