Mission: Earth "Villainy Victorious"
This bizarre, fallacious tale has not been made any more palatable by the introduction of a different narrator.
Nor has the narrative pined any credibility by its claims that events in our 110-planet confederacy were caused by a stupid, nonexistent race of people from a planet that sounds more like a lunatic asylum than anything else.
The position of the Crown is firmer than ever.
The planet Earth does not exist!
Lord Invay
Royal Historian
Chairman, Board of Censors
Royal Palace
Voltar Confederacy
By Order of
His Imperial Majesty
Wully the Wise
Hi there!
This is your translator, 54 Charlee Nine. How are you?
Lord Invay may not take kindly to having a new narrator but it's sure easier for me. Monte Pennwell speaks only Voltarian. I'm programmed for any language, but there does seem to be a scarcity of information on the languages they speak on this nonexistent Earth.
I have updated your Key to this book and it follows.
Sincerely,
54 Charlee Nine
Robotbrain in the Translatophone
Afyon-Cityin Turkey where the Apparatus has a secret mountain base.
Agnes, Miss-Personal aide to Delbert John Rockecenter.
Apparatus, Coordinated Information-Thesecret police of Voltar, headed by Lombar Hisst and manned by criminals. Their symbol is an inverted paddle which, because it looks like a bottle, earned its members the name "drunks."
Balmor-Butler to Jettero Heller and the Countess Krak on Earth.
Bang-Bang-Anex-marine demolitions expert and member of the Babe Corleone mob.
Barben, I. G.-Pharmaceutical company controlled by Delbert John Rockecenter.
Bawteh-Soltan Gris's chief clerk on Voltar.
Bittlestiffender, Prahd-Voltarian cellologist that Sol-tan Gris brought to Earth to operate a hospital in Afyon. (See Cellology.)
Blito-P3-Voltarian designation for a planet known locally as Earth. It is the third planet (P3) of a yellow-dwarf star known as Blito.
Blixo-Apparatus freighter, piloted by Captain Bolz, that makes regular runs between Earth and Voltar. The voyage takes about six weeks each way.
Bluebottles-Nicknamegiven to the Domestic Police of Voltar.
Blueflash-Abright blue flash of light used to produce unconsciousness. It is usually used by Voltarian ships before landing in an area that is possibly populated.
Bolz-SeeBlixo.
Bury-Delbert John Rockecenter's most powerful attorney. His favorite pastime is feeding white mice to snakes.
Caucalsia, Prince-According to a folk legend, he fled Manco during the Great Rebellion and set up a colony on Blito-P3 that became known as Atlantis.
Cellology-Voltarian medical science that can repair the body through the cellular generation of tissues, including entire body parts.
Code Break-Violation of the Space Code that prohibits disclosing that one is an alien. Penalty is death to the offender (s) and any native (s) so alerted.
Coordinated Information Apparatus-See Apparatus.
Corleone-A Mafia family headed by Babe, a former Roxy chorus girl and widow of "Holy Joe."
Crobe, Doctor-Apparatus cellologist who worked in Spiteos. He delights in making human freaks.
Drunks-SeeApparatus.
Endow, Lord-Headof the Exterior Division.
Epstein, Izzy–Financial expert and anarchist hired by Jettero Heller to set up and run several corporations.
Exterior Division-Thatpart of the Voltarian government that reportedly contained the Apparatus.
Faht Bey-Turkish name of the commander of the secret Apparatus base in Afyon, Turkey.
Faustino "The Noose" Narcotici-Headof a Mafia family that is the underworld outlet for drugs from I. G. Barben.
F. F. B. O.-Fatten, Farten, Burstein and Ooze, the largest advertising/public relations firm on Earth. J. Walter Madison works for them.
Fleet-Theelite space fighting arm of Voltar to which Jettero Heller belongs and which the Apparatus despises.
G. C.-See Grand Council
Gracious Palms-Theelegant whorehouse where Jettero Heller resided when first in New York City. It is, across from the United Nations and is operated by the Corleone family.
Grafferty, "Bulldog"-Acrooked New York City police inspector.
Grand Council-Thegoverning body of Voltar, which ordered a mission to keep Earth from destroying itself so it could be conquered on schedule per the Invasion Timetable.
Gris, Soltan-Apparatus officer placed in charge of Blito-P3 (Earth) section and an enemy of Jettero Heller.
Heller, Hightee-Themost beautiful and popular entertainer in the Voltar Confederacy. She is also Jettero's sister.
Heller, Jettero-Combat engineer and Royal officer of the Fleet, sent with Gris on Mission Earth where he is operating under the name of Jerome Terrance Wister.
Hisst, Lombar-Head of the Apparatus; his plan to overthrow the Voltar Confederacy required sending Soltan Gris to sabotage Jettero Heller's mission.
"Holy Joe"-SeeCorleone.
Hot Jolt-A popular Voltarian drink.
Invasion Timetable-Aschedule of galactic conquest.
The plans and budget of every section of Voltar's government must adhere to it. Bequeathed by Voltar's ancestors hundreds of thousands of years ago, it is inviolate and sacred and the guiding dogma of the Confederacy.
Joy, Miss-SeeCountess Krak.
Krak, Countess-Condemned murderess, former prisoner of Spiteos, a nonperson and the sweetheart of Jettero Heller. On Earth, she is known as Heavenly Joy Krackle or "Miss Joy."
Madison, J. Walter-Fired from F. F. B. O. when his style of public relations caused the president of Patagonia to commit suicide, he was rehired by Bury to immortalize Jettero Heller in the media. He is also known as "J. Warbler Madman."
Manco-Home planet of Jettero Heller and the Countess Krak.
Maysabongo-Jettero Heller was made a representative of this small African nation. Izzy Epstein made some of Heller's businesses Maysabongo corporations.
Mister Calico-A calico cat that was trained by the Countess Krak.