Cecily was pleased to see that Baxter had made his escape and was now over by the fireplace, talking to a seemingly enchanted young lady hanging onto his every word. Deciding that this was a good time to disappear for a while, she edged over to the door, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible.
Across the room, Lady Esmeralda was in an animated discussion with another woman, while her husband gazed around the room with a bored expression. For an instant his gaze met hers; then, as if unaware of the contact, he turned away.
Cecily drew a deep breath, opened the door, and slipped outside into the hallway.
CHAPTER 20
Gertie had no chance to speak to Dan on the way home from the station. The twins, bursting with excitement, bombarded her with questions about Father Christmas and the carol singing ceremony, and Daisy, when she could get a word in, filled Gertie in on everything they’d seen and done while in London.
Dan sat behind the wheel of his motorcar and didn’t say a word while he drove back to the Pennyfoot. Seated next to him in the front seat, Gertie gave short answers to the twins, and paid scant attention to Daisy’s long-winded accounts.
Her mind kept going back to Dan’s proposal and what it would mean to them all. What would happen to Daisy? Would she be able to come with them? How would the twins feel about having a new nanny at this stage in their lives?
How would they adapt to living in the city, going to a new school, having to make new friends? They were bound to miss the Pennyfoot, and the people they had come to know as family. Though probably not half as much as she would.
“Mama! Mama! You’re not listening to me!”
Gertie jumped, staring back at the small face glaring at her. “I’m sorry, James, I was thinking of something else.”
“Well, I want to know if Father Christmas is going to bring me a puppy.”
Gertie sighed. James had been asking for a puppy for the past three years. Each time she’d had to tell him they couldn’t keep a puppy in the hotel. “I’m sorry, James, I don’t think Father Christmas can bring puppies.”
“Why not?”
“Because he can’t carry them on his sled. They’d fall right off.”
“They can’t go down the chimney, neither, silly,” Lillian piped up.
James sounded close to tears. “But I want one.”
Gertie rolled her eyes. She’d been through this argument before, and knew it would be a long, drawn-out battle. Then she had an idea. “Well, I have some news for you. Samuel has a dog now. Her name is Tess and she lives in the stables. If you ask him, I’m sure he’ll let you play with her sometimes.”
James sat up. “Really? Is she a big dog?”
“Really big. You’ll both love her.”
Both twins let out squeals of excitement. Gertie felt Lillian’s hand creep into hers. “Mama? This is going to be the best Christmas ever! I’m so happy we live in the Pennyfoot, aren’t you?”
Gertie swallowed hard. “Very.” She turned her head to watch the gas lamps flash by as they turned onto the Esplanade.
Beyond them she could just see the glow of golden sand before it disappeared into the shadows.
It was too dark to see the ocean, but she knew it was there, washing ashore. Once she left Badgers End, there’d be no more walks along the Esplanade, no more donkey rides along the sands, no more watching the twins laughing at Punch and Judy, no more band concerts to listen to, no more Pennyfoot. She and the twins would be giving up a lot to marry Dan and live with him in London.
She jerked forward as the motorcar came to a halt. “We’re home!” the twins shouted, and waited impatiently for Daisy to get out so they could scramble out after her.
Gertie leaned out the door. “Daisy, take the children inside and get them dressed for the carol singing. I’ve laid out their clothes. I’ll be there in just a minute or two.”
Daisy nodded, grasped the twins’ hands, and led them up the front steps of the club.
Dan switched off the engine and turned to open the door.
“Wait!” Gertie closed the door, then tugged at the collar of her coat and unfastened the top button. She felt hot and cold all at the same time. “I have to talk to you,” she said, “before we go in there.”
He must have heard something in her voice, because he gave her a long look before answering. “All right. What’s this all about?”
She took a deep breath but it didn’t seem to help. Her chest hurt, and an ache cut her so deep she hugged her stomach.
“It’s about you and me.”
His face was shadowed, with just enough light from the gas lamps to see his set expression. “What about you and me?”
She looked away, because it hurt too much to look at him. Her voice trembled so badly she could hardly get out the words. “I can’t marry you.”
She heard his sharp intake of breath and squeezed her eyes shut tight so she wouldn’t cry.
“Why not? I thought that was what you wanted.”
“I did.” She gulped. “I do. But I can’t drag my children away from their home and everyone they know.”
“Children that age are adaptable. They’ll soon forget all about this place once they settle down. There is so much more to do in the city. Visits to the park and the zoo, boat rides on the Thames, museums and historical places to explore. They will love it there.”
“But it won’t be home. They’ve just spent a week or so in London, and look how excited they were to be home. They’ll miss the people, and the life here. They’ll be miserable and lonely in the city.”
He was silent so long she was afraid he was never going to answer her. Just when the silence became unbearable, he spoke.
“What you really mean is that you don’t want to leave here and move to London.”
She thought about it for several seconds, then sighed. “Yes, I suppose that’s what I mean.”
“I’m sorry, Gertie. I wish I could tell you I’d stay here, but I can’t. My life is in the city. That’s where I belong.”
She hadn’t realized how much she’d been nursing that small hope. “I understand, Dan. I really do. That’s why I can’t marry you.”
She stole a look at him. He sat staring straight ahead, and she couldn’t see his expression, but she could guess from the set of his shoulders.
When he spoke again, his voice was gruff. “Very well. Then I suppose this is good-bye.”
The pain cut deeper and she blinked. Hard. “Good-bye, Dan. I wish you lots of luck in London.”
He nodded. “You, too.”
She turned quickly and scrambled out. She didn’t wait for him to crank the engine and leave. Without looking back she fled around the corner and into the kitchen yard.
Shutting the gate behind her, she leaned against it, listening to the engine turn over until at last it caught and roared to life.
His motorcar door slammed, and it was like a door slamming on her life. She’d turned down the chance of a future with a man she’d loved with all her heart. Probably the last chance she’d ever have of marriage and a home of her own. Perhaps tomorrow she’d feel better about it. Perhaps tomorrow she’d know she’d made the right decision.
Right now, however, it felt as if she was the biggest fool on earth. And still she didn’t cry.
The quartet began playing the opening chords of “God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen” as Cecily quietly closed the library door. She could hear Colonel Fortescue’s voice booming out above the rest. Apparently the deaths of four people had little effect on him. Phoebe, no doubt, was at this very moment doing her best to shut him up.
Cecily hurried along the corridor until she reached her office. Once inside, she felt for the matches on her desk and quickly lit the oil lamp. The photographs were where she’d left them, and she picked them up, thumbing through them until she found the one she wanted.