That was easy. ‘I never was. Sometimes I even felt sorry for her. She’d fly in and make Gran cry and Gran would say the house was empty without her. But I kept thinking…why would you want to make Gran cry? That would have made me ill. I couldn’t. Until now.’
His face was expressionless. ‘So now you’ll leave?’
‘What’s holding me here?’
‘Us. Bailey and me.’
She closed her eyes. There was such a depth of meaning in the words-so much. He didn’t understand. For her to walk away… To hurt him…
‘See, that’s the problem,’ she said, as gently as she could. ‘I’m falling so in love with you that I never want to hurt you. It’s borderline now-that I never want to leave. As I could never leave Gran. For a while there I couldn’t even leave Ketchup. But I must. Just for a year. Nick, can you try and understand?’
‘Understand what? What do you want to do for a year?’
‘Adventures,’ she said promptly. ‘I want to balloon over Paris at dawn. I want to roll down heather-covered hills in Scotland and get bitten by midges. I want to go white-water rafting in the Rockies…’
But she’d already lost him. ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about,’ he said coldly, flatly. ‘You have everything you need here. It’s…’
‘Safe,’ she threw at him. ‘Tell me, if you didn’t think I was safe, would you seriously consider marrying me?’
‘No, but…’
‘There you are, then.’
‘But I have Bailey to consider.’
‘You’re not considering Bailey. You’re choosing a wife for yourself. To choose me because top of your list of requirements is safe…Good old dependable Misty, cute as, we’ll stay in her lovely house and if anything threatens her like a nasty, mean mother then we’ll drive her away; we’ll protect Misty because she’s little and cute and can’t protect herself.’
‘This is overreacting.’
‘Like paying for a house without even asking me?’ she said incredulously. ‘I guess I should be grateful, but I’m sorry, I’m not. You see, I want to be independent. Nick, I can’t cling to you before I see if I can manage without anything to cling to. I need a year.’
‘To go white-water rafting in the Rockies.’
‘Yes.’
‘You’re just like Isabelle.’ It was a harsh, cold accusation that left her winded.
She didn’t answer. She couldn’t. Was she just like Isabelle? Would she put a child’s life at risk when she didn’t need to?
If he thought that, then there was nothing to defend. He wanted her to marry him and he didn’t know the first thing about her.
She looked at him and her heart twisted. How easy would it be to fall into his arms, say sorry, it had all been a mistake and she wanted nothing more than to stay here with him, with Bailey, with Ketchup and Took, for ever and ever?
But he was looking at her with such anger.
Last night meant so much to her. It meant everything. But in a sense it was last night that had given her the courage to do this. For last night she’d accepted that she wanted to spend her life with this man, and she also knew that he deserved all she could give.
All or nothing. She would not marry him feeling like she did right now-knowing she’d dissolve into him and he’d make her safer, safer. She’d fought to get him onto a yacht. Every tiny risk would be a fight, but it’d be a fight to do what she already had now, and not what she dreamed of.
She couldn’t let go of her dreams and marry him. She’d end up bitter and resentful.
She’s had no experience of the real world.
It was a line to remember. It was a line to make her go.
‘I will not end up in this rocker before I’m thirty,’ she said, and suddenly she kicked the rocker with a ferocity that frightened them all. Took yelped and headed down the steps with her tail behind her legs. Ketchup yelped and cowered and cringed behind Nick’s legs.
‘Enough,’ she said wearily. ‘Sorry, guys. Sorry to you all. I know you’re all very happy here. I hope you’ll stay here and be safe and happy while I’m away. And if at the end of twelve months…’
‘You expect us to wait for you?’ Nick’s voice was so cold she cringed. But she’d known this was the risk-the likely outcome. She had to face it.
‘Can I ask whatever you do that you’ll take care of Ketchup and Took?’
‘Misty, after last night…’ he said explosively and she nodded sadly.
‘Yes. Last night was magic. It made me see how close I am to giving in.’
‘Then give in.’
‘I won’t be married because I’m the opposite of Isabelle,’ she said, and she knew it for the truth, the bottom line she couldn’t back away from. ‘You figure it out, Nick. I think I love you but I’m me. I’m me, lists and all.’
CHAPTER ELEVEN
‘WHEN I suggested we get a relief teacher next term I thought you might use the time off for a honeymoon. Not to leave.’ Louise was practically beside herself. ‘What happened? We were all so sure. A honeymoon with Nick… Oh, Misty, why not?’
‘Because our honeymoon would be at Madge Pilkington’s Bed and Breakfast out on Banksia Ridge, with tea and scones, a nice dip in the pool every day and bed at nine. We might watch a bit of telly. Wildlife documentaries, maybe, but no lions hunting zebras for us. Nothing to put our blood pressure up.’
‘You’re nuts,’ her friend said frankly. ‘Nicholas Holt would put my blood pressure up all on his own.’
‘Not if he can help it,’ she said. ‘Safe and sedate R Us, our Nick.’
‘So you’re definitely leaving?’
‘I’m leaving.’
‘Natalie’s mother says he wants to marry you.’
‘How would Natalie’s mother know?’
‘Does he?’
‘He doesn’t want to marry me,’ she said. ‘He wants to marry who he thinks I am. But, if I’m not careful, that’s who I’ll be and I suspect I’d hate her.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘You know something?’ Misty muttered. ‘Neither do I. But all I know is that I’ve fallen in love with him. He deserves everything I’m capable of giving and I don’t know what that capability is. I have to leave to find out.’
‘For ever?’
‘For a year,’ she said. ‘I’ve taken a year’s leave of absence. I’m not rich enough to walk away for ever. Nor do I want to.’
‘He won’t wait. You can’t expect him to.’
‘No,’ she said bleakly. ‘I can’t expect him to.’
‘Why is she going away?’
It was about the twentieth time Bailey had asked the question and it never got easier.
‘Because her gran’s died and she needs a holiday. Because we’re here to look after the dogs.’
‘We could all go on a holiday.’
‘Misty wants to be by herself.’
But did she? He didn’t know. He hadn’t asked.
He wasn’t going to ask. There was no way he was taking Bailey white-water rafting in the Rockies.
‘We could go sailing,’ Bailey said, verging on tears. ‘All of us together.’
‘You and I will go sailing. Next Saturday.’
‘Misty’s leaving on Friday.’
‘Then we’ll miss her very much,’ Nick said as firmly as he could. ‘But it’s what she wants to do and we can’t stop her.’
Friday. At eight Louise was collecting her to drive her to the airport. At dawn Nick went outside and found her crouched on the veranda, hugging two dogs.
‘Hi,’ he said and she turned to face him and he saw she’d been crying. ‘Misty…’
‘Hay fever,’ she muttered, burying her face in Ketchup’s coat. ‘I’m allergic to dogs. How lucky I’m leaving.’
‘Stay.’
‘No.’
‘Misty, we love you,’ he said, feeling helpless. ‘Both of us do. No, all of us,’ he added, seeing the two dogs wuffle against her. ‘This is craziness.’
‘It’s not craziness,’ she said and swiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. ‘It’s what I need to do. I’m not Isabelle, Nick, no matter what you think, but I have my reasons. Instead of hating me for what I’m doing…I wish, oh, I wish you’d try to see who I really am.’