But they were useful, just so practical, if somebody arrived out the blue, family or friends.
Silence. The washing machine was set to enter the final spin. Helen quickly rinsed the blouse and left it on the draining board, and placed both elbows on the right corner of the machine to steady it. Now it started, the spin building to its usual racket, an absolute crescendo, it was horrendous, actually shaking the floor; Helen could feel the trembling and she really had to fight to keep her elbows on the corner. Sophie was smiling. Helen said, I think it’s going to fly up in the air. If it does we can hang on.
Sophie jumped to her feet and started bouncing on the spot.
Stop that! said Helen.
She didnt, she was now hopping, actually hopping! Sophie! Helen shouted: For goodness sake you’ll go through the damn floor!
Sophie stared at her.
For God sake. Helen shook her head, her elbows pressing hard down on the corner of the machine to contain the movement.
I didnt mean it Mum sorry.
Look at me shaking, said Helen.
Sophie smiled but her upper lip was over her lower lip. Helen reached her left hand to her. Pizza?
Yes Mum please!
My teeth are chattering, said Helen.
Sophie had moved to the pantry cupboard, probably looking for the chocolate biscuits. Helen said, Take a banana if you’re hungry or like plums, there’s plums there too.
Plums?
Or a banana, yes.
I dont want a banana.
Well a plum?
No.
No thanks. Remember your manners.
Sophie returned to her dolls and the little chair. Helen watched her. Dont be sulky.
Sophie turned sharply: I’m not being sulky.
Yes you are.
I’m not.
Helen stuck out her tongue. Sophie smiled. The machine shuddered to a halt. Helen watched it. At this point the shaking seemed to increase in momentum: then the end.
There was time for a seat before emptying the machine. The remains of her last coffee. The cup was barely warm. It was amazing to consider but people drank coffee hot. They did! Even to sit a moment, so her mind, just being empty. Empty minds. Sophie was edging closer to her; she had a book in her hand and was offering it. Helen smiled but not to encourage her.
Sophie waited before saying, Will you read it to me?
I cant just now. I have to empty the machine.
Sophie’s head lowered. Helen said quickly, But if you read it to me, for one wee minute, if you can, can you?
Sophie grinned and opened the book and began reading, stumbling and faltering but reading nevertheless. It was a story about a fish who swam off by herself. It was quite sad. It reminded Helen of a children’s movie from years ago. Perhaps they had stolen the idea. People stole things all the time and you saw it in movies and television programmes and like news events too, they stole news events and made them into movies and drama. This wee fish was rescued from a fishermen’s net off the coast of a Greek island. All the big fish were squashing her. That was so like life. Helen grinned. But even Sophie’s reading, Helen had forgotten how well she was doing, my God, six years of age is all she was like at that age what was Helen doing? she wasnt reading, not as good as this. And with everything she had been through, even to survive! She was just like really, so good, she was, just so so good, she really was. Helen was so lucky, so very very lucky.
She had to empty the machine, once she had she could spin-dry the handwash. Thank goodness for microwaves. Or the pizza.
How long had she even been sitting? She opened the washing machine door.
Lost in her own wee world. Where was her head! Doolally, the old Glasgow one, Mrs Doolally, that was her, so absent-minded, in her mind and on her mind. All the time.
She hung the machine wash on the two clothes-horses by the radiator. It was still dry outside. Her mother would have hung out the clothes. Helen didnt. The shifts she worked made it more trouble than it was worth. Then if it looked like rain you had to bring them all in again. The truth is she preferred the clothes-horses.
Sophie was over by the little chair Mo found someplace. It was a proper child’s chair like you saw on antique programmes. Of course Sophie didnt sit on it. But she did play with it. She had her dolls lined on the floor next to it, and ponies, she liked ponies, and she was talking in character, pushing them and the dolls about. She spoke in a wee shrill voice, but with a snobby English tone to it like on television, and addressed herself: Oh naow Sopheee you ovah theyah, Ell shell gao heah. And then answering in her own voice yet with a nasal American edge to it. Oh nohh Lindy, I dont waaant to. Oh boat yoh hev toh Sophee. Oh but I dont waaant to.
Helen stooped to lift a damp sock from the floor, it must have fallen when she removed the clothes from the washing machine.
The girl was used to being on her own. Perhaps she would become an actress. She was good at voices. As long as nobody watched. Then she stopped. It was best not to notice. She was just so natural. It was such a positive thing about her. She had a strength too. Even she could be tough. Like her Mum! Helen had been tough. She had. Tougher than Brian. She just became weak. She wasnt always. Far from it. Far from it indeed. Oh God.
But it was true. She didnt used to be weak. A tough little madam more like. Oh well, damn phone, it had been out of action the past eight days. What was he talking about fixing it? it didnt need fixing, it couldnt be fixed. She needed a new one. She would when she could, and get it herself. He knew somebody who got deals. He knew somebody who knew somebody who knew somebody. It was a running joke, him and his mates. People always like knew somebody. The same in Glasgow. Her ex too, he was as bad. Helen wasnt keen on illegal stuff, if it went against the law like with DVDs and other rip-off things. Then if they didnt work properly, you couldnt even see the film. She hated that. Why bother? Then if you got caught, my God. Even if you didnt. If it was a rip-off thing and somebody had stolen it and you were to buy it cheap so then it was in your house, it was just there, and what if somebody came to the door? it was complete agony. Helen hated it, she just really — it was difficult to cope with, she found it so anyway; other people were different, and that was good, it was just how you were brought up. In her family everything was above board; that was Dad, the law was the law and if you had to put up with something you just did it and got on with your life.
But she needed her phone. All women did. The same at the casino, you saw it for the smokers. It was policy that staff had to use the lane round the rear of the building and not be seen by the entrance. It was understandable because this part of the city in the wee small hours, what did people think? If it was a female standing smoking with the clothes she wore. A phone was vital. People went in twos and threes.
But she needed it now and not the end of the month. A ‘deal’ was the last thing. She was hopeless at ‘deals’. Her face gave it away, like if she was guilty, everybody knew, everybody, she was just so God silly, hopeless, in these situations. Proper name-brands is what she preferred. Okay you paid more but you knew what you were getting. Mo said they werent stolen. But if they werent, what were they? If they were so cheap, they had to be something. According to him they were made in the same country, even like the same factory, by the same people, only they stuck on different labels.
There was a hypocrisy there too that Helen didnt like. She didnt understand it either. If it was south Asia and women workers, children too. Mo and other people gave money every week like charity, alms for people, it was good, it really was but then the next thing if it was rip-off deals, what about that? And if it was like young children involved as workers my God their wee fingers holding the needles, how did they manage it? these slave-owners, fourteen hours a day. It was heartbreaking and horrible and just slavery. Britain was so selfish, so so selfish, people didnt even care.