“No, that’s all right. It’s late and I just feel so drained. Besides, she’s probably already gone to bed.”
“Can I at least walk you to the door?”
“Of course you can.”
Without another word, Travis quickly got out of the car and came around to open Me’shelle’s door. She thanked him and they walked hand in hand to the front door.
“Good night, Travis, and thank you for being there for me today.”
“Where else would I be? I always wanna be by your side, Me’shelle.”
“I just wanted you to know that it meant a lot to me, that’s all. I really needed your strength today,” Me’shelle said. Travis gave her a hug.
“I know today wasn’t easy for you. Anything you need, anything at all, you just have to ask. Okay?”
“Okay.” She kissed him on the cheek. “Good night, Travis.”
“Good night, Me’shelle,” Travis said as Me’shelle un-locked the door.
She stood in the doorway and watched Travis get in his car. Once he had driven away, Me’shelle went in the house.
Her intention was to go straight upstairs to bed, but those plans changed when she walked past the living room and found that both Juanita and Miranda were still up waiting for her.
“Hello,” Me’shelle said quietly. “What are you two still doing up? I hope you weren’t waiting up for me,” she said as she plopped down on the couch next to Miranda.
“We were just sitting up talking,” Miranda said. “But we were kinda waiting for you to get here.”
“So, how are you, Me’shelle?” Juanita asked.
“I’m okay. I just feel drained, that’s all.”
Miranda looked at Me’shelle; she did look drained, which was to be expected. But Me’shelle was like a daughter to her, so she could tell that there was something else. “You should get some rest. It’s been a long day. We all should.”
“We wanted to make sure that you were all right. I know this day couldn’t have been easy for you,” Juanita said.
“Losing family never is, Juanita,” Miranda said.
“I know that, Miranda. All I’m saying is that the violence involved with what happened hasn’t been easy for any of us to take. I know it’s been hard on me. Even though I knew this day would come.”
“Juanita!” Miranda shouted.
“What?”
“We don’t need to talk like that.”
“Miranda, would you listen to how you sound? Yes, we do need talk like that. We have to talk about what happened and what we’re going to do next. What arrangements need to be made, that type of stuff. What’s going to happen with Brandy? I know we’re all very concerned about that. But what’s most important is that we all do one thing. We all need to deal with the fact that Bruce and Natalie were murdered and poor Brandy was raped.” Juanita stopped suddenly. “Do you think Brandy saw her parents get killed?”
There was silence in the room as the three searched each other’s faces and contemplated the questions Juanita had posed.
Since there was no way of knowing until Brandy was well enough to tell them, Juanita went on while Miranda and Me’shelle just shook their heads. “It probably happened because of something that Bruce was involved in.”
Finally, Miranda cut her off. “You’re right. We do need to start dealing with the fact that-I still can’t bring myself to say it. We need to deal with what happened, but do we have to do it now?”
“The sooner the better. And there is never a better time than now. Look at you, Miranda. You can’t even say it. They were murdered. Brandy was raped.”
“We know,” Me’shelle said softly. “Bruce and Natalie are dead. They were murdered. My brother is dead.” Me’shelle began to cry and Miranda touched her hand. “He’s with Mommy and Daddy now. I know we all have to deal with it, and we will, but give us time.”
Juanita could feel the anguish in Me’shelle’s voice and in her tears. The feeling took her back to her sister’s death and to all the pain she felt. She thought about all the death Me’shelle had to deal with in her life. “If I came on a little too strong, I’m sorry,” she said.
“You always were just a little insensitive, Juanita. From the time we were little,” Miranda scolded.
“I was not.”
“Yes, you were. Anything is liable to come flying out of your mouth.”
“You must be talking about yourself, ’cause I’m not like that,” Juanita came back quickly.
“Yes, you are,” Miranda said just a quickly.
While the debate raged on between the two sisters, Me’shelle got lost in her thoughts. She thought about Juanita’s question. Did Brandy see what happened to Bruce and Natalie? Could that be part of the trauma that Brandy was trying to reconcile? Whatever the case, if Brandy saw them or not, it didn’t change what Me’shelle was feeling.
It’s my fault. I could have helped them, but I didn’t. Now Bruce and Natalie are dead, and Brandy is traumatized.
And for that, Me’shelle blamed herself.
After a while, the combination of her thoughts and her aunts bickering became too much for her, so Me’shelle excused herself and said goodnight.
Being alone in her room was no better. The next morning, she lay across the bed, still fully dressed from the night before, staring out the window. It was going on 7:00 in the morning and she still hadn’t gotten very much sleep. She’d spent the night thinking of Bruce. When she did drift off to sleep, her dreams were the same as her waking thoughts.
“Please, Me’shelle, just get me the money.”
“No, Bruce, I’m not gonna do that. I’ll take you and Natalie to a treatment program to get yourselves together. Brandy can stay with me until you two got it together, but I won’t ask them for any money so you can get high.”
“You don’t understand me, Me’shelle. They’re gonna kill me if I don’t have it by Friday. Please, Me’shelle, you’re the only one I can come to.”
“Bruce, if somebody is gonna kill you, the best thing for you to do is leave Brandy with me and you and Natalie get out of town. I’ll buy you two bus tickets to anywhere you want to go.”
“Thanks for nothing, sis. But how you gonna live with yourself when I’m dead?”
It was those words, How you gonna live with yourself when I’m dead? that echoed in Me’shelle’s mind throughout the night and haunted her dreams.
She wondered how she would live with herself knowing that Bruce came to her for help and all she did was offer him a bus ticket. If she had only given him the money when he asked for it, none of this would have happened.
But it did happen, and Me’shelle would have to put that behind her. Brandy would need her now, and she would be of little use if she couldn’t cope with her own issues. She thought about Brandy being raped, most likely by the same men who wanted money from Bruce and killed him for it. The thought made her angry, not only with the rapist, but with Bruce and Natalie for not protecting her.
She was angry with herself as well. She thought about her constant pleas to get Brandy away from that environment where things like this could happen. Now she knew she should have done more than just talk.
Stop it!
Chapter Twenty-seven
After Travis left Me’shelle in Queens, he made the long ride back to the Bronx. When he arrived at his house, he was surprised to see Jackie’s and Ronnie’s cars still parked in the same spots.
He walked through the door and was met by Jackie’s eyes, cutting through him like a knife. “Wake up, Ronnie. Travis is back,” she said, shaking Ronnie out of his sleep.
“What’s up, y’all?” Travis asked as he sat down on the chaise.
“What’s up? That all you gotta say? What’s up?” Jackie said.
“You wanna tell us about it, Tee, or what?” Ronnie asked.
“What do you want to know?”
“Let start with who the fuck is Me’shelle?” Jackie asked. “I think that will be a good place to start.”