“Really? He seemed like a nice young man. What did you find out about him?”
“I’ll just say he wasn’t completely honest with me.”
“How do you feel about him, Me’shelle?”
“Well, I-”
“Do you love him, Me’shelle?”
“Yes, I think I do.”
“Does he love you?”
“He says he does.”
“Do you believe him when he says he loves you?”
“Yes, I believe he loves me.”
“Me’shelle, what you are going to have to decide is whether whatever you found out about him is so bad that it changes your feelings for him,” Miranda offered. “And I don’t think it does, ’cause if it did, you wouldn’t be going through no changes about it.”
“You may be right. But none of that matters now anyway. Right now I need him.”
Chapter Thirty-two
After Me’shelle put him out of her apartment, Travis was alone with his thoughts. Even on days when Ronnie and Jackie came over to his house, he was still alone. They told Travis that it was for the best. Ronnie said that his involvement with Me’shelle under these circumstances would only end in disaster for the three of them. “And it ain’t worth the risk,” he said.
Jackie was pretty quiet, though, offering up an opinion or agreeing with Ronnie when it seemed appropriate. But she felt Travis’s pain, and didn’t want to minimize it, so she sat next to him and held his hand. What was more pressing to Jackie was the exploration of the depth of the feelings that she had for Travis.
Once Travis had heard enough from Ronnie about how he should be happy that Me’shelle didn’t want to see him again, he turned the conversation around to business. He got up and went into the dining room. “We have a job to run in the morning, so let’s go over this again. Especially since we were interrupted the first time, I want to be sure we’re all on the same page.”
“That’s what you need, Travis. Get back to business,” Ronnie said. “It’s time to get focused. I’m glad you’re not losing sight of the bigger picture.”
“No, Ronnie, I haven’t lost sight of the big picture,” Travis said as he laid the diagram of the bank out on the dining room table. But he knew in his heart that Me’shelle was a part of that picture.
After going over the plan three times, all agreed that they were satisfied with the details. Ronnie announced that he was going home. Travis thought Jackie would follow suit and break out with Ronnie, but she had other plans.
“So, how are you?” she asked Travis.
“I’m fine, Jackie. Really,” he said and sat down next to her. “And thanks for not riding me tonight.”
Jackie smiled and laughed a little. “I thought one of us ridin’ you was enough.”
“You know, you and I never really did get to finish our conversation.”
“What? About me loving you?”
“Yeah, Jackie. About that.”
“Like I said, I’m cool. That’s just something that I have to deal with.”
“No Jackie, when you dropped it on me, it became something we both have to deal with.”
“Yeah, you’re right. It was kinda fucked up for me to drop my little bit of baggage on you.”
“Hey, that’s what friends are for. But I don’t get it. I mean, I love you, Jackie, but like a friend. I love you the way I love Ronnie. You know what I’m sayin’?”
“I love you like that, too, but there’s something more, that’s all. Like I said, you’ve always been my man. It didn’t matter what I was doin’ or what you were doin’, or what we done with each other.”
At the mention of their past sexual involvement, Travis said, “I was wondering if that was it.”
“I don’t know, Travis. I’m still trying to sort all this out in my mind. You know, at the time I thought I was just caught up in the moment.”
“Me too.
“What was her name anyway?”
“Which one?” Travis asked.
“The first one.”
“Oh shit. What was her name? She was your friend. You should remember her name.”
“I know. Ain’t that terrible? Too much weed making my memory bad,” Jackie said. “It was my sophomore year at Rutgers and you had come down for the weekend.”
“To go to some party with you. I remember. What was her name?” He paused, then it came to him. “Sharee French.”
“That’s her. She was mad as hell with me after that. She was so into me it wasn’t even funny. I was glad to get rid of her, ’cause after that she started trippin’,” Jackie recalled.
“I guess so. We were supposed to be sharing her, not the two of you sharing me.”
Jackie smiled.
“I was shocked when you got on top of me and started ridin’. I know Sharee was. What happened that day?”
“I don’t know, Travis. I guess I just wanted to. I wanted to feel you inside me. And every time after that, I’d always want to feel you inside me. You’re the only man I ever had.”
“You and I have shared so many women,” Travis said. Then it hit him. “Wait a minute. Didn’t you and Ronnie, before me and you?”
“Not exactly.”
“What does that mean, Jackie?”
“Well, we did and we didn’t.”
“What does that mean?”
“You have to promise not to tell Ronnie I told you.”
“I ain’t gonna say nothin’. What happened?”
“Promise you won’t laugh.” Jackie paused. “We never really did it. I mean, we kissed and he felt on me, but Ronnie came on me while he was trying to get it in me.”
Travis started laughing.
“You said you wouldn’t laugh.”
“No, I said I wouldn’t tell him you told me. That shit is funny, ’cause it never stopped him from bragging about it for years. And you let him do it. Didn’t say shit.”
“I wouldn’t do that, bust him down like that. Not in front of you, anyway. You were my first, Travis. The only man I’ve ever had inside me. Only man I’ve ever wanted inside me, and I guess I’m a little emotional about it, that’s all.”
“If that’s how you felt, then how come the only time we’ve done it is with another woman? Never just you and me. Why is that?”
“That’s the only time I felt like it. Look, Travis, the whole thing is still kind of confusing to me. But like I said, I’m cool with it.”
“Well, as long as you’re cool with it, I am too,” he said. “We got a big day tomorrow, so I’m gonna go and get some sleep.”
“Okay,” Jackie said and stood up. She walked into Travis’s bedroom and got a big shirt out of the dresser then began to get undressed.
Travis came into his room slowly, looking a bit confused to see Jackie standing there naked. “Don’t look so worried, Travis. I just don’t feel like driving home just to come back in the morning,” she said. She put on the big shirt and got under the covers.
“Okay,” Travis said. “But I sleep naked.”
“What’s your point? I’ve seen you naked before.”
Travis got undressed and joined Jackie between the sheets. She snuggled up close to Travis and put her head on his chest. Travis put his arm around her. “This is gonna be my last job, Jackie.”
“Because of her?”
“No, not because of her. I’ve had this on my mind for a long time. But I’d be lying if I said that she isn’t a part of it. I never wanted to make a career out of this.”
“Either did I, but what else we gonna do?”
“Come on, Jackie. You make it sound like none of us got skills.”
“Like what?”
“Like what? What else can you do, is that what you’re asking me?”
“Yeah, Travis, that’s exactly what I’m asking you. What the hell else have we got to do?”
“For the last couple of months, you’ve been doin’ all right modeling. What about that?”
“That’s just pocket money, Travis.”
“You’re a chemist and a damn good one. That was all you’ve ever really wanted to be.”
“You’re right. That’s what I wanted to be from when we were kids.”
“Have you gotten so far away from it that you can’t see it anymore? I hope not.”
“No, I haven’t.”
“You can still get back into it. With the money you got, you could go back to school and get your masters or a PhD. Jackie, there is so much more that you-shit, all of us could be doing.”