Hey! You! Josh says.
I want to shake my hands but instead I draw even faster.
Emma whips her head up from the book she’s reading. Shut up Josh!
His face goes pink and his eyes blink a lot. I was just going to see if I could borrow a red marker. Thanks a lot! He turns around and sniffs.
I stop drawing and look down at my pile of markers next to me. There are three red ones. I take one and lean across the table and poke Josh in the back with it.
He whirls around. What the — !
Here, I say.
His lips squish around a lot so I can’t tell if he’s smiling or frowning but he takes the marker from me. He does not say thank you but I decide I’ll accept his thank you from earlier.
Shane looks up the state everything on the computer. The state dog is the American foxhound and the state fish is a brook trout, he calls out.
I draw them and also a dogwood — the state tree AND flower — with a cardinal in it — the state bird. Everyone thinks cardinals are red but actually that’s just the male. I don’t do colors so my cardinal is a female. When I’m done I show my group.
Brianna shakes her head. You traced that.
No I didn’t.
No one can draw like that.
I can. I told you. I’m probably the best artist in the state.
Yeah right.
I’ve seen what Caitlin can draw, Emma says. It’s awesome. And anyway it doesn’t matter. It can be traced or drawn for this project.
I drew it, I tell her.
Whatever, Brianna says.
Can you make the cardinal red? Emma asks.
I don’t do colors, I tell her.
Why not?
It’s easier when things are black and white.
But you’ve done the hard part already, Emma says. Coloring something in is easy. It’s drawing the tree and bird that’s hard.
Not for me, I say. Colors are mushy and I don’t know where they end or what happens to them when they run into each other because they change.
Emma tilts her head. I don’t Get It. Black and white is boring. Colors are beautiful.
I take a deep breath and try to explain. When you mix red and yellow it might come out orange like the sun when it’s setting but when you mix red and yellow another time it might come out like a school bus and when you do it again it might come out like a hornet. It’s always different. You don’t know what to expect.
Emma’s head is still tilted. And she’s not saying anything. Which means she REALLY doesn’t Get It because it’s unusual for Emma not to talk.
Never mind, I tell her. It’s too hard to explain. I’m not even sure I Get It myself.
I get to see Michael on the playground and talk to him for the first time in what feels like a really long time. I tell him all about the chest Dad-oh and I are working on.
He listens politely but his Bambi eyes are kind of fuzzy.
What’s wrong? I ask him.
I don’t Get It.
So I describe the chest and exactly what we’re doing to it and how it’ll look when we’re finished.
I still don’t Get It, he says.
I start describing the chest again.
No. I mean I don’t Get how that makes Closure.
We’re bringing the project to Closure. We’re finishing the chest. That’s Closure.
Oh. But his eyes are still fuzzy. Will I feel better when it’s done?
I think about it for a minute. I’m pretty sure I’ll feel better. Much better than seeing it covered by a gray sheet in the corner. And I think Dad will feel better too. I know Devon would want it finished. I look at Michael with his fuzzy Bambi eyes and I’m not so sure how finishing the chest will help him. And it’s giving me a recess feeling in my stomach.
He shrugs. That’s okay.
But it doesn’t sound okay. And my stomach doesn’t feel okay.
You’re still my friend, he says softly.
I am? Why?
You’re nice to me and you don’t have to be ’cause you’re a fifth grader and you can do stuff like Closure and I’m only a first grader so I can only do stuff like be a pear.
A pair of what?
No. A pear. Like an apple.
Oh. Can I see you be a pear?
He Looks At The Person. You really want to see me be a pear?
Yes.
He starts to smile. You want to come to my play?
What play?
My class is doing a play about the food pyramid. I’m the pear. It’s my favorite fruit. Do you want to come watch?
When is it?
Tonight. At school. Can you come?
I don’t like going back to school once I’m already home. It’s like having school twice in one day. But Michael is finally looking happy so I decide the answer should be, Okay.
My teacher said you have to be here with your costume by six thirty sharp. Oh. Except you don’t have to get here until seven because you’re one of the watchers.
Audience, I say.
Michael gives me a high five and he’s smiling so much that I feel like a good friend again. I’m happy because of Michael. He’s the only friend I have and maybe the only friend I’ll ever have.
CHAPTER 34
MICHAEL’S PLAY
THAT NIGHT WHEN WE’RE WORKING on the chest I tell Dad, I have to go to school tonight.
Tonight? What for?
Michael is in a play.
Who’s Michael?
My friend.
Your friend? Do I know him?
I shrug and wonder how I’m supposed to know that. He’s in first grade, I tell him.
And he’s your friend?
Yes. So I HAVE to go to his play. It’s important. It’s at seven o’clock.
Dad looks at his watch. It’s almost quarter to seven already.
I stand up fast. Then we have to go NOW because it takes almost nine minutes to get to school.
Caitlin —
I don’t want to be LATE.
You should’ve told me before —
It is before. But we have to MOVE!
I wasn’t planning on going out tonight.
You don’t have to plan! It’s already planned!
I run to the door and open it. I’ll be IN THE CAR! I run across the grass and pull on the car door but it won’t open. I run around to all four doors. They are all locked. IT’S LOCKED IT’S LOCKED IT’S LOCKED IT’S LOCKED!
I hear the front door slam and Dad’s shoes clomping fast. I’M COMING!
HURRY! HURRY!
The car beeps. The lights turn on and I open the door and throw myself inside.