Joshua's forehead creased. “What is it?” he asked. I climbed off the bed and dug around beneath the mattress. “What are you looking for?”
“This!” I pulled it out, showing him my father's journal. He didn't say anything. I didn't expect him to. “I don't want it anymore,” I told Joshua. I shut the lights off and walked down the stairs.
“Where are you going?” I could hear his voice behind as he followed me down the stairs.
“To burn it,” I answered. “I need it gone. I need him gone from my life,” I confessed as I stopped in the kitchen and grabbed a set of matches from the drawer to take outside with me.
“Olivia, do we have to do this now?” He followed into the crisp spring air as I gathered things from around the backyard. I found a metal wastebasket and lit the match, igniting the pages inside. Slowly it burned, the leather seeming to take longer as the pages seared and curled into ash.
Joshua didn't say anything but he did stand beside me. I imagine he didn't know what to say. I didn't blame him for it. We'd both thought Gavin was different, a better man than he'd been. It was the closure I needed after visiting Torv.
“I wish I could burn memories as easily as you can burn the journal.” His voice was soft, almost accusing, as I turned to face him, dropping the book in the garbage. It was still on fire and the flames licked the pages, erasing the past.
“What memories would you want to destroy?” I couldn't imagine he had a terrible childhood. He had two parents growing up, and both seemed fond of him.
Joshua sat down on the back porch step and finally, a moment later, I followed, sitting down beside him. “Tell me,” I whispered, nudging him. I wanted to hear what was on his mind.
Joshua sighed, reaching for my hand. “There were things I saw, witnessed as a child that I didn’t quite understand.” He explained, “My father used to sneak out at night past curfew. I always wondered why. I couldn't fathom where he would go. I think he was having an affair.” I understood the weight of his words: it was illegal. It was one of the reasons Anita had been killed. People didn't have affairs in Genesis. As it was sex wasn't spoken about. Though just because it wasn't spoken didn't mean it didn't happen. I knew my parents conceived me naturally and though I'd never seen them hold hands or kiss, I understood what had transpired for me to have been born.
“Do you have something of his you want to burn?” I offered, giving a faint smile, doing my best to make light of the situation. I knew it sucked. “No,” he whispered, glancing at me. “I keep thinking about what Douglas and your father said. That my mother had intentionally chosen you to marry me.”
“Josh,” I sighed, feeling a heavy weight in my chest at the reminder of what we'd been through together.
He looked at me slowly, shaking his head. “I just feel…betrayed.” His voice was a mere whisper. “She lied to me.”
I ran my hand down his back, keeping him close to me. His body heat helped warm me, and I knew he wanted the comfort as well. “We've both been lied to.” It didn't make it feel any better. “I'm sure your mother thought she was doing what was best for you.”
“No.” Joshua glanced down at the ground. “She did it for you. She was more concerned about the rebel alliance and being a leader than what her actions would do to her own son. Doesn't that bother you at all?”
I hadn't quite thought of it like that. I chewed on my bottom lip, wishing there was something I could say that would make it better. “People don't always live up to the standards we set for them,” I reasoned. “Maybe she did this for you too? She found a way to buy your freedom,” I offered. In the end she had paid dearly for it with her life.
“Maybe.” Joshua didn't sound so convinced. He wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. “I just hate being lied to.”
I nodded weakly. “So do I.” It was something we had in common. Something that troubled us both. Our families had betrayed us, whether they intended to or not.
CHAPTER 28
I changed the next morning into a short cotton dress that hugged my breasts and fanned out over my hips. The dress had a floral print of pink and red cherry blossoms and though I'd never worn it before I knew it would look good. Surprisingly, Cate had made it for me, and brought it by the previous evening. As much as I hated her when we first met, she had grown on me.
“Wow, you look…” Joshua smiled, glancing me over as I noticed he wore slacks and a dress shirt. I hadn't asked him why he dressed up today. I didn't have time as I felt his lips find mine, and his hand rested on my lower back. “We can't be late,” he breathed against my lips, pulling back as he took my hand and led me out the front door.
“Late?” I asked, knowing we had another twenty minutes until the parade was supposed to start. “Don't be silly. We have plenty of time,” I emphasized as we stepped outside and already on our street I saw a mass of people lining the curb from our house down to the city center. “What's all this?” I asked, knowing it had to be more than just Shadow’s population. There were too many here to be only from our town. Only now did I see how much Cabal had changed, with Shadow allowing guests from around the country to visit.
Joshua didn't answer me. He held my hand and led me down to the curb before going down on one knee.
“Joshua?” I asked, wondering what he was doing. “Come on, get up, you're going to get dirty.” I tugged at his sleeve, only to see him shake his head no. He had the biggest smile on his face. My eyes widened as I saw his hand slip into his pocket as he pulled out a vintage ring; I had no idea where it had come from.
“Olivia,” he began, staring up at me as he took my hand. “We've known each other since we were children.” He gazed up at me with adoring eyes. “I knew I first loved you when I watched you play in the sand beside me. It wasn't a crush.” He shook his head. “I've known all my life you were something more to me than I should have ever felt. Should have desired. I was terrified that day last May when I thought you would marry another man in Genesis. We've been through so much together, you and I. You've given me more than I could ever ask for and you've given Cabal more than they could have dreamed. I want you in my life for all of eternity, Olivia. I love you. I can only dream of our future together, but I don't want it to be a dream. I want it to be real.” He whispered, “Will you, Olivia Parker, marry me?”
“Yes! Of course!” I laughed, pulling him to my arms as I wrapped him in my embrace and kissed him. I heard a shout of excitement through the crowd and glanced sideways to see Adelaide jumping up and down. “Weren't we already engaged?” I whispered with a smile into his ear.
“I had to be sure,” he answered before another grin broke out onto his face. “I have one more thing to ask you.”
“Seriously? That wasn't enough?” I laughed.
“Will you marry me today?” He grinned and I felt his forehead come to rest against mine. “Please, say yes,” he whispered and I felt both of his hands in mine.
I nodded and mouthed a simple, “Yes,” as we kissed again. “What do you have planned?” I asked, realizing the parade wasn't just about our homecoming and all that we'd done, but somehow had turned into a wedding as well. I didn't mind it. If there was anyone I wanted to celebrate with, they were here.
“Come on.” He took my hand and walked towards the city center as the crowd behind us followed.
“Josh?” I asked, wondering what else was planned. I was beyond nervous. I felt his hand give mine a squeeze. As we turned onto the city center I saw the town and the floats for the parade. They were elaborate. I didn't know how they'd made them. I didn't ask. It was beautiful nonetheless.
“Come with me,” he told me, leading me towards the front of the parade. I was grateful for the noise and commotion going on around us. The excitement made me bubble with anticipation as I practically danced my way to the front. I nearly doubled over laughing, seeing Chancellor Collins in a powder blue suit. It wasn't his style or his color, but he wore it proudly. I wonder who dressed him, Cate? She had been upset with the punishment months ago. I wouldn't put it past her finding a way to get even.