Jasper surveyed me calmly through his amber eyes. I knew what he must be thinking: no sooner had one of my anxieties been allayed, than another had rushed in to take its place.‘Purdy has an adventurous spirit. We’ve always known that,’ he said steadily.
‘I know,’ I snapped, resenting his unruffled tone. ‘But I think it’s more than that.’ I could feel my frustration suddenly rise up like bile in my throat. ‘Do we just wait till one day she decides she’d rather live on the street than in the cafe? That is, if she hasn’t already . ..’
I looked away. My eyes were tingling and I felt desperate as my conviction grew that it might already be too late to change Purdy’s mind, and that, just as I had with Margery, I had wasted my last chance to say goodbye to her.
‘She’s half alley-cat, remember,’ Jasper said, with a slight puffing-out of his chest.
‘So?’ I hissed, my tail twitching irritably.
‘So,’ Jasper replied with infuriating calmness, ‘she’s also a grown-up now. If she doesn’t want to live in the caf? any more, there might be nothing we can do about it.’
28
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I couldn’t have felt less festive as I nosed back through the cat flap to be greeted by the sound of Christmas music and the smell of mince pies. I picked my way forlornly between the customers’ coats and shopping bags, to take up my usual position in the window, and cast my eye around the caf?, on the off-chance that Purdy had returned during my absence.
It was the last working day before the holidays and the caf? was full. Debbie and Linda bustled between the tables with sprigs of tinsel pinned to their Molly’s aprons. Some of the customers had brought gifts for the cats, little gift-wrapped parcels that Debbie placed in a pile beneath the tree. They smelt tantalizingly of catnip and cat treats, and as I surveyed the room I spotted Eddie prowling around them, sniffing greedily. Opposite me, Ming was meditating on her platform, with Maisie asleep in the domed bed beneath, and at the fireplace Abby and Bella were being entertained by a young girl who was dangling a toy fishing rod over the back of the armchair. But there was no sign of Purdy.
It was only since speaking to Jasper that I had acknowledged the possibility that, in spite of her promise, Purdy might already have run away. Out of the blue, a memory popped into my mind of the time Eddie had disappeared. I had asked Purdy if she knew where he was, and she had said,‘Maybe it was just the right time for him to go.’ I had dismissed the idea as naive, certain that such a notion was out of character for Eddie. On that occasion, my instincts had been proved correct. But it hadn’t occurred to me, until now, that there might have been more to Purdy’s comment than I had realized. Had she, in fact, been trying to tell me that she felt it might soon be the right time for her to go?
Jasper was right, we had always known Purdy was more adventurous than her siblings, but I had never seriously considered what that would mean for Purdy as she entered adulthood. It hadn’t crossed my mind that any of the kittens might crave a different kind of existence from the one they had been brought up in, or might have ambitions that a life spent dozing in the cat caf? could never satisfy. Perhaps, I realized with a dull pang of self-awareness, I had finally hit upon the nub of the problem: I had continued to think of Purdy and her siblings as kittens, long after they had left their kittenish ways behind, and had given little thought to their changing needs as they moved into adulthood. I had never questioned my assumption that what made me happy would also make them happy, and that their greatest need was to stay together, and to stay with me.
My eyes were drawn to Maisie, who had climbed out of her bed on the cat tree and was now sitting on top of the highest point of the dome, peering gingerly over the edge of Ming’s platform above. When Ming looked across with her usual imperious gaze, Maisie responded by jumping up and cowering nervously at the edge of the platform. Maisie remained motionless with her head bowed, while Ming stepped closer and craned her neck downwards so that her nose was almost touching Maisie’s fur. Ming took a few delicate sniffs, before delivering the briefest of licks across the top of Maisie’s head. Maisie glanced up, their eyes met and Ming blinked at her benignly. Then, with a look of beneficent calm, she returned to the middle of the platform and resumed her meditative pose.
I felt myself succumbing to the overwhelming remorse that had been building since I had first learnt that Ming might be deaf. Witnessing Maisie’s sweet-natured overture and Ming’s affectionate response had brought a lump to my throat. There was no escaping the fact that my irrational dislike of Ming, and the kittens’ desire not to upset me, had been the main obstacle to Ming’s integration in the caf?. It was my resentment that had been the problem, not Ming’s aloofness. I felt exhausted and knew I was descending into self-pity, but did not have the energy to fight it. Trying my hardest to block out the chatter and laughter around me, I turned my back to the caf?, lay down and went to sleep.
I was woken by a rhythmic swishing sound. I blinked and lifted my head; it was dark outside and I could see the caf?’s bright interior reflected in the black glass. Behind me, Debbie was working her way across the empty caf? with a broom, sweeping crumbs into a dustpan, while Linda cashed up at the till. They were discussing the last-minute shopping that needed to be done for Christmas dinner.
‘I’ll go to the supermarket tomorrow, Debs,’ Linda offered. ‘I can pop in on my way back from Cotswold Organic.’
‘Thanks, Lind,’ Debbie replied gratefully, ‘Going anywhere near the supermarket on Christmas Eve would just about finish me off.’
As Debbie swept the floor around the armchairs, she paused and pulled the broom-handle towards her chest.‘Linda, I hope you won’t be disappointed,’ she began, ‘but I’ve decided to keep Ming in the caf?. She really does seem to be settling in here, and I don’t think the upheaval of another move would be good for her.’
Linda followed Debbie’s eye-line to the fireplace, where Ming was sitting on the flagstones, gazing beatifically at the glowing stove. Eddie was sprawled out on the tiles next to her, fast asleep with his jet-black belly exposed to the heat. ‘You know what, Debs? I’m glad you said that,’ she agreed. ‘I was thinking the same thing myself.’
She pulled off her apron and went upstairs, and Debbie was about to lock up when there was a tap at the window.
‘Hi, Jo,’ Debbie said, opening the door to find Jo in the doorway, pale-faced and trembling. ‘Is everything okay?’
‘It’s Bernard.’ There was something strained in Jo’s tone, and Debbie instinctively took a step closer.
‘What’s happened?’ she asked, in a manner that suggested she already knew the answer.
‘I had to take him to the vet this morning. He’s … gone,’ Jo replied in a shaky voice.
Debbie’s face puckered with concern. ‘Oh, poor Bernard. I’m so sorry,’ she murmured, moving forward to envelop Jo in a hug. ‘Come on, let me get you a cuppa,’ she insisted, leading Jo across the room to the fireplace.
Jo lowered herself into an armchair while Debbie stoked the embers in the stove, sending a burst of sparks flying into the grate. She left Jo staring with a dazed expression at the dancing flames while she went into the kitchen. Jo was startled out of her trance-like state by the swoosh of the cat flap, but her face broke into a smile– and my heart seemed to flip inside my chest – when Purdy stalked across the flagstones towards the stairs.
‘Hello, Purdy,’ Jo called fondly.
Upon hearing her voice, Purdy changed direction, veering towards Jo with her tail aloft. She cast a slightly shamefaced glance at me as she passed the window, but was soon pressed against Jo’s legs, purring loudly as Jo rubbed the base of her tail.